One year
by Kaaatie
Summary: AU - One year ago Maura faced the hardest day of her life as she buried her husband. Now Maura and her daughter Amelia have moved to Boston in the hopes of repairing a broken heart and getting over the loss. She's just moved in and is wondering if she made the right decision when a beautiful Boston Detective shows up and finally gives her hope. Chap 17 will be up shortly.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything besides plot, Tom and Amelia.**_

_So, I know I still have Never Saw That Coming on the go, but this came to me, and I was undecided if to write it or not, but I wrote it and figured screw it. I'll post it._

_So, here were go. I'm sorry if the timings and the tense's are a little off, it was quite hard to write. Sorry if its confusing. _

* * *

One year.  
In a year you could travel the world.  
Learn foreign languages.  
Read 100's of books.  
Write your own book and publish.  
Master a skill.  
Cook your way through recipe books.  
Get married, get pregnant, have a baby.  
You could do so much in a year,including mend a broken heart.

Or so Maura thought. She had stood by the graveside, refusing to let the tears fall, refusing to let her daughter see her cry. She stood and placed a single rose on the coffin.  
She held tightly to her daughter, who would never know her other parent.  
She made a vow to herself and to her only child that she would not fall. That she would stand tall and get through this, for her daughters sake.  
She had hoped that a year away from it all, with her daughter would help.

She had time to prepare before Thomas' death. They fought the cancer, they tried everything, and she spent more money than he wanted on fighting his cancer. But 2 years after the initial diagnosis Thomas lay in the hospital, Maura by his side, Amelia in her arms and he took his last breath.

Thomas' Mom took Amelia as Maura sat by his side and sobbed. She knew it was coming but that didn't help. Not now. The moment they had feared, dreaded, fought was upon her. And even though everything was in place, everything was sorted, everything was prepared, she felt lost. She felt crushed; she didn't know how she would go on. Thomas' was her world. And then he was just gone.

She sat in a chair by her coffee table the day after the funeral and tried to decide what to do. She hadn't slept in their bed, she couldn't. She had tried to sleep in the guest room, but couldn't find sleep. Ultimately she had spent the week between his death and his funeral sleeping in a chair in Amelia's room.

As she sat in the chair, she knew. She had always wanted to travel the world, visit so many places but with Amelia being so young, and Thomas being so sick, it had never been an option. But Amelia was 4 and a half and Thomas was gone. So she phoned the airline and booked a flight. The first one.

* * *

She and Amelia had taken a year away, travelled the world, and visited so many places. And the ache was less. Still not a day passed where she didn't think of him, but it was gradually getting easier to get up in the morning. The days did not seem so long and so dark now.

Once they had returned from their holiday Maura had hoped she could face the house, face going back to the place they had both worked. But as she walked through the doors of the hospital she felt it. The loss, the fear, and the unbearable ache she had been fighting.

And then she knew. She knew she had to move, to get away, and start fresh. So she picked randomly, just looked at a picture of America and placed her finger down.

Boston.

She was going to Boston.  
Amelia was nearing her 6th birthday and they were moving to Boston.

* * *

They had driven down 2 weeks after returning from the holiday.

The drive seemed long, quiet. They had driven cross country before, taking Thomas' to hospitals in different states. But this one was different. Without Thomas, Amelia sat quietly in the back, sleeping. She would normally be loud on car journeys, laughing with her Father, making jokes. This was different. And even though Amelia was so young, Maura knew she understood.

Amelia had taken after Maura with her intelligence. Thomas had made jokes about it.

Now Maura half wished Amelia didn't understand, so that she didn't have to go through this.

As Maura pulled up outside their new home Amelia's eyes popped open and she stretched in the back seat.

Maura turned to her and smiled.

"Welcome to our new home baby girl."

The furniture had been shipped earlier that week, most of it already in place so when Maura slipped the key into the lock and turned she shouldn't have been surprised at how the place looked, but she was.

She had gotten rid of everything from their old home; she didn't want to bring any of it. Anything that hadn't been thrown had been brought with them or sent earlier.

Amelia nudged Maura's hand, causing Maura to look down at her daughter. Amelia was looking, wide eyed, at the house, excited to explore. Maura understood and nodded.

Amelia broke free of her mother's grasp and dashed into the house, her earlier tiredness forgotten, she raced through the living room straight for the stairs.

"Be careful Mia!" The warning came out, even though it wasn't needed. Amelia was quiet, took after Maura like that. She was polite, wouldn't go anywhere without permission, but she had a desire to discover, to learn, to find new things.

It didn't take long for the little girl to find her room. A gasp was heard from upstairs, followed by the door being pushed carefully opened and then footsteps across the room.

Every noise from the little girl echoed in the house.

_It's too quiet without him._

_It's always too quiet without him. He'd love to see her like this, happy. _

Maura moved through the house, taking in everything. She hadn't been for a look around the place before she bought it. Just had it recommended, viewed a couple pictures and paid.

Simple she had thought.

She could hear Amelia upstairs, walking around, getting used to the new place.

As Maura listened to Amelia rush downstairs, collect her bags and run off back upstairs she finally had a small feeling of hope.

Hope that she could be happy here, that maybe they could both be happy here. That maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to start feeling like a human again.

* * *

3 weeks after she moved in she started to settle in. Really settle in. She had enrolled Mia into a public school nearby and dropped her off earlier that morning. She had contemplated sending her to a private school, but thinking back on her upbringing she thought public school might be good for her daughter.

It had taken her a while to make the final decision. She knew what she wanted, and where she wanted Mia to go, but normally this is what she and Tom should decide. They had discussed it briefly when Mia turned 2. Maura was always convinced Mia should go to public school, and the one time she had brought it up with Tom he had shut it down; reluctant to discuss the topic. Maura knew he was just scared, he didn't want to discuss something he wouldn't be there for.

As Maura sat on the couch after taking Mia to her first day of school in Boston she wept. Most mothers cried on their children's first day of school, because they would miss their children, or due to the realization their child was growing up. But not Maura, she wept for Tom.

The day Mia had been born he had promised to be there. He didn't know. No one knew he wouldn't be.

Maura sat on the couch, curled up in a corner. She remembered a night no more than a year and a half ago.

_Tom had been particularly sick that week. They both knew Tom didn't have much time left._

_Mia had a nightmare and she ran into their room, tears in her eyes. She jumped onto their bed, explaining through sobs that 'she dreamt some nasty man came and took Daddy away'. That night Tom took her back to bed. He picked her up, using what little energy he had left and climbed into the little single bed with her. He held her, wiping away her tears, whispering promises that he would be there forever. _

_Maura remembered standing in the doorway of Mia's room, silently sobbing. _

_Tom had fallen asleep in Mia's room that night._

She sobbed for a while, not caring about her makeup or her now wet couch cushion.

She cried till she heard a knock at the door, startling her. She stood and wiped her eyes, trying to make herself presentable. She walked over to the door, taking two deep breaths before opening it, a fake smile on her face.

On the other side of the door was a face she did not recognize.

A beautiful woman stood on her doorstep.

"Hi, sorry to bother you, I just thought I'd come and introduce myself." The voice was sudden, unexpected. Maura had spent so long not speaking to anyone else but Mia, a new voice was surprising.

"Oh. Right..." Maura trailed off, allowing the stranger to introduce herself.

The stranger clicked on quickly.

"Sorry...long day I guess. Hi, I'm Detective Jane Rizzoli, I live next door? Well, my Ma lives next door, I lived there when I grew up. I live in an apartment across town now, but its flooded because my dog decided to chase a fly in the bathroom and knocked the tap which ran all day and flooded the place. So now I live there for a week or so...and I'm rambling. Sorry."

Maura smiled. One of the first times she'd smiled in a long time.

"Well, that's quite a story there, Jane. I'm Maura, Dr Maura Isles. I just moved here." Maura didn't offer any more information and Jane didn't ask for anymore.

"Doctor ay? What kind?"

Maura was surprised by the question, but quickly recovered.

"Pathology...Well, I was a pathologist. I quit my job after-" She caught herself quickly. "Well, I quit before I moved."

Jane looked up at Maura, her eyes a little brighter.

"Well, you ever fancy getting back into it there's a job going down at the precinct? BPD, its where I work?"

Maura smiled, but ultimately didn't get a chance to respond before Jane was yelled from the house next door.

"Well, I gotta go, but you should think about it?" Jane smiled and waved at Maura before dashing off next door.

Maura shut the door and turned to her new house.

She smiled again.

_Maybe I can be happy here._

* * *

_**A/N - **So there we go, first chapter. I'm really not sure about this, I mean, would anyone like me to continue? Would you want to know where this goes? _

_Also, was it confusing? Could you make sense of it? _

_Thanks for reading guys!:) _


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything except plot line, Tom and Amelia.**_

_Okay. Well. I must say I was really shocked by the response. I woke up to over 80 emails. From 1 chapter!_

_So, because I'm nice, here's the next chapter, and its longer than normal. Hope you enjoy!:)_

_(Also, this is not beta'd - all mistakes are my own) _

* * *

After Maura closed the door she took a moment and leaned back against it. She spent a moment considering the job; she knew she should really start doing something during her days. She knew that hanging around the house all day wasn't good for her, but she couldn't bring herself to work. Not yet.

Apparently she wouldn't get any longer to think about it as she heard a loud noise from upstairs.  
At the sound she rushed upstairs, only to find Mia exploring.

Maura smiled at the sight. She leaned against the door frame and watched for a few moments as Mia played.

It was always the simple things that Maura loved, the little things that most people wouldn't think of, or pay attention to. Those were the things Maura paid close attention to.

Just in case.

* * *

Maura was beginning to think the move had helped. That maybe Amelia would be okay here. But after a month, as Maura lay in bed at 3 am she heard it.

The tell tale whimpers from her daughters room down the hall.

_Dammit. I really thought it helped. I thought we were over this now. _

_Dammit. _

_I'm going to have to see someone about it. A year on, it can't be normal right? _

She sighed and pulled herself from her bed, padding down the hall.

Mia had pushed the sheets down and was laid across them. She whimpered and screwed her face up.

"Daddy...no!"

Maura let her face drop even more.

_It's always the same dream._

"No! Daddy! Nooo! You can't just leave me! Daddy!"

Maura barely had chance to make it across the room before Mia woke, tears streaming down her face. Maura climbed onto the bed, pulling her daughter to her chest. She wiped away the tears and kissed Mia's forehead.

Mia curled up in Maura's lap, resting her head on her chest. She sobbed quietly for a while.  
Maura thought after a while that she had gone back to sleep, until she spoke.

"Mommy?" Mia's voice was quiet, tired. It wasn't hard to pick up the fear and sadness in it either.

"Yes baby?" Maura loved how Mia smiled when she used the term 'baby', but tonight Mia didn't even notice the term of endearment.

"Make him stop, make the nasty man stop. He keeps taking Daddy away. I don't think it's very nice of him to keep doing it. It was horrible the first time, why does he keep doing it? I don't want to keep losing him because I can't stop the nasty man?"

Mia didn't look up at Maura. It was a good job because Maura, even though she knew it scientifically impossible, thought she could feel her own heart breaking. Maura had been through hell and back with Tom. She had lost her husband, her lover, the most important man in her life, but so had Mia. It had hurt Mia, more than Maura could understand. And knowing how much it had hurt her, she couldn't imagine Mia having to go through the same. So when confronted with Mia's pain so directly, and being so helpless, it hurt her. It really hurt her, she hated feeling helpless.

Maura couldn't come up with an appropriate response for her daughter; she couldn't lie to her daughter, but she didn't want to tell Mia there was nothing she could do.

Instead she leaned down, kissed the top of Mia's forehead before whispering "I'll try. I promise I'll try."

Mia was quiet after that. Her sobbing ended and she eventually fell asleep in her mother's lap.

Maura smiled down at the little girl. She moved Mia so she was laid back on the bed before pulling the sheets up and moving across the room. She intended to leave and go back to her own room, but as she crossed the room she couldn't. She couldn't leave Mia. She knew it wasn't reasonable, and there was no scientific fact behind it, but after Tom she couldn't help but want to spend every moment with Mia. As though there was more chance she would now lose Mia.

Of course she knew that the chance of something happening to Mia was no larger now, but because she was more aware of it, she couldn't help but feel the need to be there every second. She didn't want to become an overprotective parent, but she didn't want to waste any time with her daughter.

So instead of leaving the room she grabbed some spare blankets from the cupboard and settled in the chair across the room. From where she was sat she could just make out Mia's sleeping form. She spent many a night after Tom's death doing this. She would sit in the chair, just watching over Mia. Making sure nothing happened. And even though she knew there was no reason for it, that Mia was perfectly safe, Maura had found it comforting.

So she watched Mia sleep for a few moments before finally closing her eyes and allowing herself to fall asleep.

* * *

The next morning woke suddenly, her breath ragged and her heartbeat fast. It didn't take long for the memories to fall into place and for Maura to remember her nightmares. She glanced at the clock, only to find she was awake early, as usual. She moved from the chair in Mia's room, cursing herself for falling asleep in the chair. As emotionally comforting as it was, it was not physically comforting. She moved down to the kitchen and busied herself, trying not to allow herself to think of her own nightmares. She moved swiftly, completing jobs, readying breakfast. It wasn't much after 7am when Mia ran down the stairs, teddy in hand. Her hair messy as usual, Maura noted.

A little after 10, once Maura had dropped Mia off at school, gone to the store and put everything away, she wandered around her home. She had nothing to do.

That in itself was a blessing and a curse. She knew that with an empty house she could work, take time to indulge in a hobby or read. However, she knew that the silence always lead to thinking, which quickly lead to over thinking, and then the sadness, the anger and longing became overwhelming.

She shook her head.

She wasn't going to get dragged down by this today.

No, instead she walked quickly, almost silently through her house towards her room. She spent a few minutes digging out her running gear. She hadn't run in such a long time, she remembered how much she loved it. She had planned to run more often after having Mia, to shift the little extra weight she'd gained. However, shortly after that, once Tom became sick it just became impossible to fit everything in.

She laced up her shoes and grabbed her iPod from her bedside table. She took a few minutes strapping it to her arm and then went downstairs to get some water.

She didn't normally run with water, so she made sure there was a bottle in the fridge for when she got back.

She switched her iPod to shuffle, matched the earphones to the correct ear and headed outside.  
Granted, it took her a few moments to get into a steady pace, but after the first mile she remembered exactly why she loved it.

Being out like this, she loved it; the ability to just run. Her flight reflex physically taken care of.

She finished her run in fairly good timing, for someone that hadn't run in such a long time.  
She jogged up the length of her street, slowing her pace as she neared her home.

She was so caught up with catching her breath and unlocking the house, she never even noticed Jane watching her from the front window.

* * *

Over the next 4 weeks Maura began to settle into a routine. She would sleep in her room, till Mia awoke from a nightmare and then Maura would either sleep in the chair in Mia's room, or take her back to her own room and they would both sleep in Maura's bed.

The next morning Maura would wake early, sort some jobs out and then drop Mia off at school. (Once or twice a week she'd stop by the store on her way home) But everyday at 11am she laced up her running shoes and headed out.

There was something comforting about falling back into a routine again. One that wouldn't be broken up by hospital appointments, one that Maura didn't have to only half do, because of Tom. No, she could stick by this routine, and it felt good.

So, when one particular morning her routine was thrown off, she didn't expect to be so happy with it.

She headed out at 11:04 on a particularly sunny Thursday morning and laced her shoes up leaned on her porch.

She had her back to everything so she never saw Jane approach.

"Well, good morning!" Jane smiled widely as she spoke.

Maura, on the other hand, jumped back at the sound of Jane's voice, clearly startled.

"Oh crap! I'm sorry! I thought you'd seen me!" Jane's hand immediately flew to Maura's arm to steady her.

Maura immediately stiffened at the touch, before realizing what she had done and tried to cover it up.

"No, sorry, I was lacing up and I didn't hear you."

"Ah...sorry."

"It's fine." Maura added a smile at the end, trying to show she was fine.

Truth be told, no one had reached out to her physically since Tom. Other than the odd stranger who had walked into her, or passed her something, she and Mia had spent most of their time together, moving around so often that Maura didn't have time to build a relationship, not even a friendship. So for a near stranger to suddenly touch her, it was rather shocking. It wasn't that she didn't like it, it was just unexpected.

Maura looked at Jane for a moment before Jane realised she hadn't explained why she was there.

"Oh! Yeah, sorry. I noticed you everyday around now and I figured if it was alright with you we could run together or something?"

Maura thought for a moment. She wanted to say no, she liked running alone. But today something told her running with someone might be nice. And she knew that getting to know someone might do her good.

"Um, well I guess that would be acceptable."

Jane smirked at Maura's choice of language, but ultimately decided to ignore it.

Maura finished lacing up her shoe and immediately started warming up. Jane followed suit, but quickly became bored and just jogged on the spot till Maura caught on.

The two ran in silence for a mile and a half before Jane considered breaking the silence.

"So, you a baseball fan?"

"No."

Jane tried to ignore the sharp tone that accompanied the single word.

"Okay, you a football fan?"

"No."

Jane couldn't ignore the tone with this one.

"You like hockey?"

"No." Maura responded simply again.

Jane smiled, not deterred in the slightest.

"You'd tell me if you were a cyborg right?" Jane shot a smile in Maura's direction, making sure the blonde knew the intention of the comment.

Maura noticed and finally smiled herself. It had been such a long time since she'd done this, the getting to know a new person thing. She didn't mean to be rude; she just didn't know what else to say. Jane's joke caught her off guard, but in a good way.

She smiled back at Jane before responding.

"No, I don't think I would."

Jane laughed, before letting a comfortable silence settle over the rest of the run.

By the time they made it back to Maura's place they were both pretty beat.

"Jeez Maura, how do you do that every day?" Jane leaned over against the wall, trying to catch her breath.

Maura smiled again.

"Practice." She responded before unlocking the door. She pushed it open before turning to Jane.

"Would you like to come in? For hydration?"

Jane smirked again.

"Yes Maura, I would love to come in for _hydration." _Jane finished the sentence in a 'posh' accent, intending it as a joke towards Maura.

Maura however didn't get it, instead of laughing she looked at Jane a little oddly before walking inside the house.

* * *

After about a half an hour of random conversation, the topic switched to Jane's work. Jane discussed briefly about what she did before asking Maura if she'd considered the job.

Maura directed her gaze downwards at her coffee.

She had thought about the job, and after doing a little more research it sounded perfect. She'd be working under a Dr Pike, who she hadn't met, but had heard of. She knew he had helped solve a lot of high profile cases, and working under him sounded like a good opportunity.

"I...I have thought about it..." Maura hedged.

Jane waited a beat.

"And..." She prompted Maura.

"That's about it...I haven't done anymore than think about it." Maura was still staring at her coffee.

"Oh." Jane responded simply. "Is there something you don't like about the job?"

"Oh no! It sounds like a perfect opportunity!" Maura was quick to reassure Jane.

"So what's the problem?" Jane shot back.

"I...I don't know." Maura admitted honestly.

Before Jane could respond her phone buzzed on the counter.

She answered quickly.

"Rizzoli?"

She listened intently for a few moments before writing an address down and hanging up.

"Duty calls. Sorry, I've got to go."

"Oh...that's okay." Maura smiled, trying to allow her true feelings show. She was disappointed Jane had to leave, but also a little relieved that she was going. She would have the opportunity to think clearly now.

Jane downed the rest of her coffee quickly before rushing towards the door. Maura followed her and was about to shut the door when Jane turned and yelled "Maura!"

Maura directed her gaze towards Jane.

"Interviews are arranged via Cavanaugh and Dr Pike...if you get a chance, think about it and they are who you need to call. See ya round Maura!" With that Jane dashed off down the street.

Maura shut the door behind her, mirroring her pose from only a few weeks ago.

* * *

Over the next week and a half Maura thought about the job a lot. She thought about it when she got up, when she went to bed, when she picked Mia up, when she made dinner. The job seemed to consume her thoughts.

The job came with so many amazing opportunities and 'pro's' that she couldn't really say no.  
She knew she needed to get out the house.

And that is how she found herself exiting an office in BPD after shaking several hands and accepting a position to work under Dr Pike with a view to taking over when Pike retired in a year.

As she lay in bed with Mia that night, she couldn't pin point a single turning in her life. She couldn't point out a moment where everything changed.

Just as she lay in bed that night she finally thought things might be looking up...finally.

* * *

_A/N - _

_Okay, I know its very heavily Maura based, but that's because its her story right now. As Maura gets to know Jane, and spend more time with Jane, the fic will begin to look more at Jane._

_I hope you guys liked this, and the direction I went with it. Is it the right direction? Is this okay? I really want to know what **you **think, because if you don't like it, unless you tell me why, I can't fix it!:) _

_Anyway, thank you so much for reading, and I hope to see you all (and maybe some new people...hint hint;D) In chapter 3!:)_

_-Katie. _

_(Oh, not so subtle link here, feel free to check me out on tumblr! I'm sashaalexanderr on tumblr, or the link is on my profile!:)) _


	3. Chapter 3

_****__**Disclaimer - I don't own anything except plot line, Tom and Amelia.**_

_****____This was written real quick, not read through because I wanted to get it up tonight not tomorrow, thanks for the response! Thank you to carolm007 for the idea at the end of this chapter!_

___Hope you guys enjoy!_

___(Also, this is not beta'd - all mistakes are my own)_

* * *

Maura had settled into a nice routine with Jane. Running every day, discussing her new job; Jane had calmed Maura's nerves earlier that day, but now she was nervous.

11 hours.

That was all that stood between Maura and her new job.

She was petrified. Wouldn't admit it of course, but she was.

She tried to stick to her schedule, but since Mia kept asking questions about how it would go, she couldn't stop thinking about it and get on with the task at hand.  
Maura laid in bed beside her daughter, half listening to Mia's ramblings about school.  
She heard Mia mention science homework, career day, something about spellings she needed to learn and something else.  
She tried to listen, to appear interested, but as hard as she tried she couldn't stop panicking about the next day.

Only an hour later once Mia had finally fallen asleep did Maura leave her bed. She padded quietly to her wardrobe, only turning on the light after she had closed the door behind her, to avoid disturbing Mia.

She moved a few shoe boxes aside, to finally reach the one towards the back. She picked it up and slipped out of her wardrobe, heading in the direction of the living room. She quickly checked on Amelia on her way, but she was sound asleep.

Down in the living room Maura poured herself a glass of wine before sitting in Tom's chair.

It had always been his favourite, and towards the end it would be the only place you'd find him if he weren't in bed or at the hospital.

She placed the glass on the table in front of her and put the box on her lap.

Tom had never been one for photos, he hated standing still with a cheesy grin and then having to go through the 'oh someone blinked, let's do it again' process. So in the end Maura only had three photos of Tom; one from their 5th date, their wedding photo and one the day Mia was born.

Maura couldn't face having them around, so once she and Mia had returned from their holiday the photos had gone in the box.

The box which now sat on Maura's lap.

Maura slipped the lid from the box, stifling a sob as the lid moved away revealing their wedding photo.

She and Tom stood underneath a tree in Italy, his arms wrapped around her, the two of them smiling at the camera. It had made Maura laugh, that they had spent so much money on a professional photographer, and yet their favourite picture had been taken by Tom's uncle.

Maura picked the photo up, discarding it. Fortunately the other two photos were tucked safely at the bottom of the box. She adored the photo of her, Mia and Tom, but she couldn't look at it, the pain still too much.

Instead she pulled one of the other items from the box.

A simple grey t-shirt. There was nothing special about it; it was just Tom's favourite. Anytime he got the opportunity to wear it, he did. Even once it was old and Maura had told him to throw it, he wouldn't. At the time Maura was annoyed he kept it, but now, she was thankful he hadn't.

She held up the t-shirt, noticing a hole at the bottom. She smirked, having never seen it before. It needed throwing it, but now she couldn't bare the idea of getting rid of it.

It felt like the only piece of Tom she had left besides Mia.

She lifted the t-shirt, Tom's scent in the air. The tears continued to slip silently down her face. She was scared, petrified. She wanted Tom. She wanted him to wrap her up in his arms again and tell her it was going to be all right. And the fact that he would never do that again, never got any easier to deal with.

She tucked her feet up beside her, placing the box on the table. She placed Tom's t-shirt in her lap, willing the tears to stop falling, but as memories of her last new job came to mind the tears only got worse.

* * *

_Mia had just recently turned 4._

_Her birthday had been hard. Even though Maura came from money, with neither Tom or Maura working and Tom's medical bills, Mia's birthday had not been a big affair. _

_Fortunately Mia didn't seem to mind. _

_However when more medical bills arrived a few days after her birthday Maura knew she needed to go back to work. She was reluctant at first. Tom was getting sicker; he could barely make it downstairs now. The last thing Maura wanted was to work and leave him alone all day. _

_So, Maura had put it off. Until 3 months after Mia's 4__th__ birthday. _

_Mia had gone to bed that night and Maura lay in bed with Tom beside her. He had bad days, but they had become more and more frequent.  
Maura knew what it meant. So did Tom. He was getting weaker, tired. He didn't have the energy to fight much longer.  
More and more medical bills were arriving. His treatments becoming more expensive as they became more experimental. _

_That night as Maura lay there; when she thought Tom was asleep she slipped out of bed. She walked quietly to her wardrobe, walking towards the back.  
She didn't intend to stay there long, just look over a few things and then go back to bed._

_In the end it was Tom's coughing that brought her back to their bedroom._  
_She stepped out of their wardrobe, searching the room for Tom, she couldn't see him. She walked out properly, fumbling for the light switch, sighing in relief when she found it._

_However, the sight that met her eyes stole her breath before she even caught it._

_Tom sat crouched on the other side of the bedroom, blood painting his lips. He coughed more, clutching his chest.  
Maura tried her best to move, to get to the phone, to call for help, to do anything. _

_She felt frozen, terrified. In the end she spotted her cell phone on the side table, reached for it and called 911._

_That night had been Tom's last night at home. _

_On arriving at the hospital the doctors had explained that Tom's cancer had metastasized to his lungs, and that there was nothing they could do. _

_Maura had sat in the hospital chair by his bed all night, she had refused to leave, refused to cry, refused to discuss it. _

_3 weeks after Tom was admitted it was revealed that he may never leave the hospital._

_Reality slapped Maura hard when the hospital showed her just how much it would cost. _

_That was when Maura knew she had to go back to work. It was a simple process. She knew of many hospitals across the country that would have jobs waiting for her. All she had to do was pick. _

_In the end she did pick, and the hospital gave her a start date for the next weekend. _

_The night before Maura started she sat in Tom's room. She assumed he was sleeping, so she allowed herself to get caught up in thoughts. _

"_Scared?" _

_The voice scared her, but when she looked up and found Tom's eyes she settled._

"_No." She lied. She knew she couldn't lie, but she didn't want to burden him._

"_Your hives will tell me otherwise..." He joked, momentarily brightening the mood, until he laughed too much and his coughing brought reality back. _

"_Yes." She admitted in a whisper. _

_Tom looked at his wife for a moment, before shifting as far across the bed as he could manage._

"_C'mere." _

_She refused to meet his eyes, knowing that it would be the end of her resolve._

"_Maura..." He patted the bed weakly._

_She briefly met his eyes this time, feeling the tears begin to well up._

"_I'd play the dying card, but you might slap me." Tom tried to joke, make Maura smile, but it the end it only served to be the comment that let the tears fall. _

_Maura leaned forward, the tears escaping without her permission or control._

_Tom leaned over, picking up her hand. _

_Eventually she gave up and moved onto the bed with him, cautious not to hurt him. He moved slightly so she could curl up into him, her head on his shoulder._

_He placed a kiss on her forehead, and then the top of her head._

"_You're going to kick ass Maur, I know you will." _

_Maura didn't have the heart to tell him off for his language today._

"_You're going to go in there tomorrow, and they're all going to be shocked by you, and then you're going to kick some dead person ass and show them all how amazing you are." He whispered, not having much more energy._

"_How do you know?" Maura responded, still scared._

"_Because I know you." _

_Maura smiled at his words._

"_I'm scared Tom..."_

_Tom took a second to review her words, deciding if she intended them to fit to both situations._

"_I know baby, me too." _

_With that Maura allowed herself to sob freely onto his shoulder._

_Tom lay there, stroking her arm, placing kisses on her head and occasionally whispering words of encouragement to her. _

_In the end Maura had fallen asleep in his arms, for what would be, the final time._

* * *

Maura had not realized how loud her sobs had become until she heard movement on the stairs. She looked up to find Mia stood on the stairs looking down at her, tears on her own face.

Maura wiped her face and cleared her throat quickly.

"Mia baby, what's wrong?"

Mia sniffled once more before running down the stairs to her mother.

Maura scooped Mia up and sat them both back down in one fluid movement.

"I heard you crying Mommy, and then I came to make sure you were okay, because I don't like it when you cry." Mia spoke quietly, her voice thick with tears.

Maura sat back for a moment, deciding what to say.

"I'm sorry Mia, I...I just..." Maura trailed off, not sure what to say.

"You miss Daddy?" Mia finished for her.

Maura looked down at Mia, trying not to cry again.

"Yes baby, I miss Daddy."

Mia nodded, before snuggling into Maura side, still crying.

In the end Mia cried herself to sleep. Something that Maura had done plenty of times herself, but it hurt her deeply to see her daughter do.

Maura got up slowly, glancing at the clock on her way to her bedroom.

9 hours.

* * *

1 hour.

That was all that stood between Maura and her new job now.

She had gotten up early, showered and made breakfast.

Now she sat in the car outside Mia's school, having just dropped her off early.

The school Maura had chosen for Mia offered and early morning class for students whose parents had to work early. It meant the kids had breakfast at school if needed; otherwise they had the opportunity to play or work.

She pulled away from the school, determined not to cry.

In the end, she was glad she had left enough time between dropping Mia off and starting work. She ended up getting lost and having to Google the BPD.

She arrived at work a little before her first shift started.

By the time 1pm rolled around Maura was actually quite enjoying the work. It had been a process of paperwork and polishing her skills.

Dr Pike had not been in, so on her first day she was the most senior person in the morgue. She wasn't left in charge of course, but it did give her that thrill of working she'd missed.

She was just leaving for lunch when she spotted Jane running up to her.

"Dr Isles!"

Maura spun round to face the detective properly.

"Detective Rizzoli." Maura greeted.

"Listen doc, I'd love to chat and do the whole 'how is the job going' thing, but I need a favour."

Maura looked taken aback. She'd been there 4 hours and already Jane wanted a favour.

Being the polite person she was, Maura nodded quickly.

"Great thank you! Okay, so me and my partner Frost are about to head out to a career day across town, and Pike was meant to be going with us, but since he's not here we were sort of hoping maybe you could...um...come with?" Jane looked at Maura pleadingly.

Really it was the last thing Maura wanted to do.

But she couldn't very well say no.

She looked up at Jane, who was now practically begging with her eyes.

"Well...okay?"

"Yes! Thank you! Meet me out front in 10!" With that Jane ran off, presumably to find Frost.

30 minutes later Maura found herself outside Mia's school.

She panicked, her heart raced, she felt frozen.

She hadn't told anyone about Mia, she didn't want to explain anything.

She'd been running with Jane for a while now, and not once mentioned Mia. The only thing she could hope was that they wouldn't be in Mia's class.

As they walked quickly through the school Maura's heart raced, and then stopped as they stood outside Mia's class room.

Jane walked in first, then Frost and finally Maura.

At first Maura didn't spot Mia and she breathed a sigh of relief, thinking maybe she'd got the classes mixed up.

Until she heard it.

"Mommy!" With that Mia appeared at the door way, before throwing herself at Maura, wrapping her little arms around Maura's waist.

Maura quickly hugged Mia back before prying her off and sending her to sit down.

She avoided looking at Jane for the whole presentation, which surprisingly went off without a hitch.

However, Maura's luck ran out as the three of them stepped out of the school.

Frost went ahead to start the car and Jane finally turned to Maura.

"Mommy?!" Jane asked accusingly.

* * *

_Okay, quick A/N - hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think! Am I going in the right direction? Do you like it? Could I do anything better? Thanks for reading! Hope I see you all (And maybe some new people, hint hint) in chapter 4!_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything except Amelia & Tom. Oh, and plot line. **_

_Alright, here we are chapter 4. Thank you all so much for your reviews, they mean so much to me!:') I am very glad you guys like this fic...you do like it right?;D_

_Okay, usual things here - no beta - mistakes are my own - hope you all enjoy!:') _

* * *

After Jane had questioned Amelia, she had turned and walked off to the car without even waiting for an explanation. Maura had trudged after her, trying not to let Jane's reaction hurt. She knew she should have told Jane about Mia, but there never seemed like a good enough time.

So, after the three of them arrived back at BPD Maura had walked off before she even had a chance to see Jane properly.

She wandered down to the morgue, going back to the paperwork she had started before she left. Her afternoon was dull, not a body in sight for her. Eventually her watch signalled 5pm, time to go fetch Mia from her afterschool group.

Mia had been to afterschool group once or twice before then, to get her used to the environment and to allow her to make friends in advance. But today was the first day when Maura couldn't pick her up early if anything went wrong.

Maura was nervous as she pulled up, unsure as to what Mia's mood might be. However, she realised she needn't have worried when she spotted Mia playing with two other girls around her age. Maura smiled, watching her daughter play. It was nice, that Mia didn't have to worry here, that Mia could finally just be a normal kid and play. At home it was always difficult with Mia. She had always been the kid whose Dad was sick, and then the kid who's Dad had died. Maura had always been able to cope with the sad looks, the pity hugs. She could cope with it, but Mia hadn't understood. People had always been treading on egg shells around Mia, unaware of what the girl knew, or more importantly, what she didn't. No-one wanted to address the issue with Mia, for fear of upsetting her. Then they were gone. They had left so quickly after Tom's death that once that week was over, Mia never faced another person that knew.

But it still felt good, knowing that Mia was happy, that she wasn't treated differently here because of what she dealt with.

Maura was startled out of her thoughts as she felt a familiar set of skinny arms wrap around her waist.

"Mommy!" Mia exclaimed.

Maura leaned down, picking up her daughter and pulling her up onto her hip.

"Hi baby." Maura punctuated the greeting with a warm smile. She debated asking Mia how her day was there and then, but decided to wait, in case Mia had actually had a bad day.

Instead Maura carried Mia over and signed her out before taking her to the car.

Once inside Maura finally turned to Mia.

"So, how was your day Mia?"

It was about 3 minutes after asking that Maura regretted asking.

Mia smiled in the backseat and then promptly launched into, as it appeared, a minute by minute retelling of her day.

While Maura loved hearing about her day, it was her description of '_the nice police lady that came into school...with you Mommy! She seems nice. Is she nice? Is she your friend? I like hearing about her stories...' _That was what bothered Maura. She hoped Mia would just drop the topic of Jane; it wasn't one she necessarily wanted to think about right now.

After that Mia had moved onto a description on the fire-fighters that had been in shortly after Jane. It left Maura with time to think about what to say to Jane. If anything.

By the time Maura pulled up outside their house she had heard all about the day, from what Mia had done while the other kids had breakfast, to what she did as soon as she got to afterschool group.

She listened to Mia as she unlocked the house, and put all of Mia's things away, but she didn't hear what she said. To Maura, it was just a nice noise in the background. She knew she should be listening, but she just couldn't focus on Mia.

It was only when her phone rang that she looked up from where her gaze had landed on the counter.

"Dr Isles."

Mia looked up at Maura; she had never heard her Mom answer the phone like that before.

Maura listened intently to the voice on the other side of the phone, her expression turning from worry, and uncertainness to concern and then thoughtfulness.

After a couple more minutes Maura hung up and sighed.

"Mia?"

Mia looked up briefly from where she was sat at the table, working on her spelling homework.

"Yes Mommy?"

Maura smiled. "Would you like to go to work with Mommy? But, you have to promise to be on your best behaviour?"

Mia jumped up from the table.

"I'd love to! Is Detective Jane going to be there?!"

Maura let her face drop momentarily, before catching herself and smiling again.

"Err, yes. There is a good chance Detective Rizzoli will be there."

Mia smiled again before running off to get her shoes. Maura on the other hand was not so certain about taking Mia to the precinct.

One of the tech's had called about information relating to an old case. Since Pike was off sick they needed the next most senior person to come in and pick it up and decide what to do.

That meant Maura needed to go down and familiarize herself briefly with the case. She knew that doing that and sorting out the results and further tests meant she would be out for too long, so Mia would have to come with her, rather than leaving her at a neighbours.

Mia was back out with her shoes on in seconds. She ran off upstairs to grab a backpack before throwing some school work, her iPod and a book in. Maura smirked when she saw the book as well. Mia had always been a fan of reading, ever since she could read. Very much like Maura at that age. With that Maura ushered Mia out of the house and down to the car.

* * *

The ride to the precinct was a quiet one, which surprised Maura. She expected Mia to be chattering about something.

Maura pulled up in BPD and walked quickly through the building, eager to get this done and get home. Mia followed behind Maura, occasionally stopping to look at something, which irritated Maura, although she wouldn't let on. Instead she grabbed Mia's hand and maneuvered her daughter to the elevator.

It was as the elevator doors opened that Maura finally let the smile drop from her face.

"Dr Isles, good evening." Jane then directed her gaze to Mia. "Hi there... Amelia?" Her tone was questioning towards the end as Jane gave Maura gave her a questioning glance.

Maura nodded confirmation to Jane.

"Hi Detective Jane!"

Maura smiled at her daughter. Mia's earlier attempts at 'Rizzoli' hadn't ended quite well, so Mia had taken to referring to her as 'Detective Jane'.

"Evening Detective." Even with the smile on her face Maura managed to keep her tone blunt, yet polite.

Maura wasn't quite sure how to deal with Jane. She didn't know what Jane thought, or how Jane felt about the situation, so Maura just stayed quiet as she stepped into the elevator with Amelia.

Jane looked as though she was going to stay quiet also, until Maura reached for the morgue button.

"Maura!" Jane looked at Maura briefly, before motioning at Mia who was oblivious.

"Yes Detective?" Maura looked confused.

Jane once again tried to motion to Mia and then the morgue button.

Maura was still confused.

"Holy cr-" Jane caught herself before she swore and glanced down, thankful Mia was more interested in her iPod.

"What I mean is, you aren't actually going to take Mia down to the morgue are you?!" Jane looked outraged at the idea of Maura taking her daughter down there.

Maura tried not to get annoyed at Jane's tone.

"No Detective. I am not going to take her in there, I am going to take Mia to Pike's office and read up on the file in there, where I can watch her."

With that Maura turned away from Jane to face the doors, hoping this conversation was over. It made Maura uncomfortable.

Jane wasn't really annoyed at Maura anymore. Granted, she had been hurt earlier on. She had been running with Maura for a while, and Maura had never come out and told her she had a daughter. It hurt Jane that she hadn't mentioned it. But after a coffee and some thinking time waiting on some results Jane knew she couldn't really be pissed off. Jane knew there was probably a reason behind Maura not telling her, so she decided she would try and fix things.

It just fortunate that Maura would need someone to keep an eye on Mia while she worked.

Jane waited a beat, watching Mia place the headphones in her ears. Then she turned back to Maura.

"You know that maintenance lock Pike's office when he's not using it right?"

Maura sighed, but ultimately didn't respond.

"Look, if you want to get some work done, I can take Mia upstairs? I'm just sitting doing paper work and I'm sure Frost and I can tell her some more stories, she seemed to enjoy them earlier?" Jane tried to lighten her tone.

Maura turned, allowing a small smile.

"Really?"

Jane nodded.

"Yeah sure, and she seems like a great kid."

Maura nodded this time.

"She is..."

There was something in Maura's voice that Jane couldn't place, but she didn't have time to think about it as the doors opened in the basement.

Maura took her opportunity and bent down in front of Mia and slipped the headphones out of her ears.

Mia looked up at Maura.

"Mia, I'm going to do some work, how would you like to go upstairs and stay with Detective Rizzoli for a while?"

Mia's face lit up.

"Really?" She smiled brightly at Maura.

"Yes, if you want to?"

"Yes please!"

"Okay, well promise me you'll be good for Detective Rizzoli, and I'll come and get you in a little while and we'll go get some dinner. How does that sound?"

"Awesome!"

Maura cringed at the word, but ultimately let it go. She couldn't help but prefer it when Mia spoke properly.

Maura stood before turning to Jane.

"I'll come get her in about an hour or so, okay?"

Jane nodded before reaching for the button for the bullpen.

Maura turned and headed for the morgue before the doors were even shut.

* * *

Maura collected the folder and quickly familiarized herself with the case. It didn't take her much over an hour to do that and sort out the results. She glanced at the clock in the morgue once she had done.

She sighed, contemplating whether to leave Mia upstairs with Jane a bit longer, or if to go and get her. Maura knew she should go and get Mia, she needed to get out of here soon to have time to get dinner, get Mia bathed and in bed at a reasonable time.

In the end she stayed for 10 more minutes going through everything again, making sure everything was in order before heading towards the elevator doors.

The ride to the bullpen seemed to take forever, but that could have been because she got off at the wrong floor twice and had to ask directions.

By the time she arrived at the bullpen Mia was perched on a chair beside Jane, iPod and homework long forgotten Mia now watched Jane typing something on the computer. It was only when Maura came up behind Mia and wrapped her arms around the little girls arms did Mia even notice her presence.

"Mommy!"

"Hi baby." Maura smiled down as Mia turned to hug her mother.

"Did you have a good time with Detective Rizzoli?"

"Yes! She told me all about time in Police school and she has a dog called Jo and she's so cute! Can we have a dog? Or maybe a cat? No, I think I want a dog. Just like Jo!" Mia kept smiling brightly throughout.

Maura stoked her hair affectionately.

"Maybe sweetie."

That seemed to satisfy Mia for now.

Mia turned in the chair again before climbing off.

"Are we going for dinner now?"

"Um, yes, we can do?"

Mia immediately rushed off to collect her things, leaving Maura a chance to talk to Jane.

"All about your time in police school Detective?" Maura tried to keep her tone playful, as opposed to spiteful.

Jane smirked.

"Yeah, well, the edited version at least. I made sure I kept out all the wild parties and drinking till we threw up."

Maura smiled.

"Thanks." Her tone more kind than playful this time.

"Anytime." Jane responded just as kindly.

Maura turned to leave with Mia but was stopped as Jane called out to her.

"Dr Isles?"

"Yes Detective?"

Jane walked forward towards them.

"We got a call back from Amelia's school today; want to know if we'd be willing to go in again in a few days to do a talk in another class? If you aren't busy?"

Maura smiled.

"I think that would be okay."

"Okay? Was our presentation not fun enough for you?" Jane shot back playfully.

Maura smirked.

"Nice...it will be nice. I enjoyed the presentation today."

Jane laughed lightly.

Maura went to speak again but Mia pulled impatiently on her arm.

"Well then, I guess that's goodnight Detective Rizzoli."

"Jane..." Jane blurted.

Maura shot her a questioning look.

"Call me Jane, please. I allow my friends to call me Jane."

"Okay then. Well, so long as you call me Maura?"

Jane nodded.

"Right, goodnight then Jane."

"Goodnight Maura."

With that Maura pushed open the bullpen doors and followed Mia's little impatient pulls to the elevator.

Maura stood in the elevator, a bright smile on her face as she replayed the conversation. A particular part of the conversation sticking out.

_Friend?_

* * *

_A/N - So, Jane thinks of Maura as a friend. Yaaaay!:') See, we are getting somewhere with their friendship. I hope you guys are prepared for this to be a lengthy one?  
Okay so, what did you guys think? Am I going in the right direction? Loving it or hating it? Remember, if there was something you didn't like, or something I can do to improve this then you have to let me know! Or I can't make it any better for you. _

_Oh! This might seem like a really odd question, but I was having a conversation with a reader the other day who was surprised about my age, so I have to ask, how old do you guys think I am? I mean, random guess if you like... The info's on my tumblr, but I'm genuinely curious as to what age you guys might think I am:') _

_Alright then, other than that, I'm done with my A/N - I'll hopefully see you all (and maybe some new people *hint hint*) in chapter 5! Thanks for reading!:') _


	5. Chapter 5

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything except Tom, Amelia and plot line.**_

_****I'm so sorry! I honestly did not intend to leave updating for a week. Between being ill, a-levels and my laptop dying I've just not had enough time to really sit down and write this till tonight. _

_I've been promising my (Very awesomesauce) friend Tam that I'd this up soon, so for her (and all of you!) i've worked super hard on this. So its quick and not beta'd so mistakes are my own._

_Without further adue - I hope you enjoy this chapter. _

* * *

2 months on.

It wasn't exactly the dream job Maura wanted. Well, actually it was far from it. Between the long hours, the few breaks and working under Pike she really didn't like it at all. However, the perks of getting to work with Jane outweighed the downsides. Easily.

Although, Maura did have to admit things needed to improve, and fast. Since she was up early, and back late she was often late to pick up Amelia, meaning Mia had to go to a neighbour. And unfortunately if that wasn't bad enough, Maura was usually too tired to do much more than bath Mia and put her to bed. After that she would try to read or watch TV, but normally she was asleep not long after Mia.

Mia had begged several times to go to work with Maura, much to Mia's disappointment when Maura had taken her twice and Jane had not been in.

Now Mia just went on occasion in the evenings when Maura had to go in to pick something up. Mia didn't even have to ask where to go anymore. Mia just ran into the elevator opposite Maura and waved goodbye as the doors closed. Maura only allowed Mia to go by herself because Jane had agreed to call down to the morgue once she had Mia in the bullpen.

It made Maura more comfortable to know exactly where Mia was.

More often than not when Maura took Mia to see Jane it was difficult to pry the two of them away from each other. Whatever topic of conversation they always seemed to be invested in baffled Maura. Sometimes Mia would sit in a chair by the side of Jane's desk talking animatedly, other times she would be quiet, listening.

Tonight, as Maura walked in she could feel the tension. Maura could tell she had walked in on something rather serious. She tried to avoid the feeling, and moved forward from the door, catching Jane's eye.

Maura saw as Mia quickly wiped her eyes and turned round to face her.

"Mommy!"

"Hi honey…." Maura tried to keep the questioning tone from becoming too obvious in her voice. Jane picked up on it though.

"Tell you later." Jane mouthed.

Maura nodded as Mia jumped up onto Maura's hip.

"Oh, I have to carry you now do I?" Maura asked, making sure to keep her tone playful.

Mia nodded as she buried her head in Maura's neck.

Maura now shot a questioning look at Jane.

"Long story." Was all Jane had to say about it.

Maura frowned, but ultimately said nothing. Instead she turned slightly, dislodging Mia who looked up at her.

"Where do you want to go for dinner sweetie?"

"Pizza!" Mia smiled, happier now.

"Mommy….?"

"Yes?"

"Can Jane come with us?" Mia smiled up at Maura, batting her eyelashes. Maura could never say no to Mia, so she didn't really know why Mia felt the need to pull that face.

"Um…I don't know…Jane?"

Maura turned to face Jane, who was busy looking at her computer, not really paying attention.

"Huh?" Jane turned at the sound of her name.

"Dinner?" Maura stated simply.

"What?!" Jane seemed taken aback.

"We're going for pizza!" Mia said a little too loudly in Maura's ear.

"Oh! All three of us….um…okay? I'm done here."

Maura shot Jane another questioning look at her comment, but decided to drop it.

"Great, the little place for kid's downtown? You know it?"

Jane nodded her agreement and leaned to switch of her computer.

"Great. I took my niece there one time, she loves it!"

"Oh, I didn't know you had siblings Jane?" Maura spoke as she walked away, Mia still on her hip.

Maura didn't wait for an answer as she walked out of the bullpen doors.

"There's a lot about me you don't know Maura…" Jane said solemnly, glancing down at the palms of her hands briefly, before following Maura out of the bullpen.

* * *

Dinner was a quiet, simple affair.

Mia sat opposite Maura, next to Jane, once again talking animatedly about something that had happened in school.

Maura allowed them to chat, not wanting to get in the middle of it. She sat back, sipping her drink watching her daughter and new friend. Even if Jane were her age, it was still nice watching Mia. Mia could be so much like she was at that age, but in Boston it appeared Mia had started to overcome the social awkwardness that Maura had experienced at that age. And all of her life for that matter.

It was a nice evening.

Well, until Maura asked about Jane and Mia's conversation.

Jane visibly stiffened, before clearing her throat and taking a moment to plan her words.

"Not much, we briefly discussed a couple things..." Jane trailed off, not planning to say much more.

Maura considered leaving it for a moment, but curiosity got the better of her.

"Anything interesting?"

Jane looked to her side, making sure Amelia wasn't paying attention. To her relief, Mia seemed pretty taken by her colouring.

Jane cleared her throat again before speaking.

"Mia told me about...err...well...she mentioned her father."

Jane caught the look in Maura's eyes before Maura directed her gaze to the plate on the table.

"Oh." Was the only thing Maura could manage to say.

She hadn't explained the whole 'Tom' situation. She had chosen to mention briefly that Tom wasn't with them, but since the friendship was still pretty new, she had thought it best not to drop all that on Jane.

Same with the Mia situation.

At Maura's reaction Jane was quick to try and sort things.

"Sorry...I didn't mean to...you know..."

Maura smiled weakly.

"Its fine. I should have told you. Like I should have told you about Mia. I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this friendship thing..."

Maura looked up at Jane, searching her face for some form of confirmation at the word 'friendship'. Jane didn't give any confirmation.

"What, you never had a friend before?" Jane joked, trying to lift the awkward mood that had settled.

"Apart from Mia's father, no." Maura stated simply, bringing back the awkwardness.

"And me?" Jane laughed awkwardly.

Maura simply beamed at Jane.

"Really?"

"Well yeah, what did you think this was?"

"I wasn't sure..."

"Ah..."

"Mommy?"

The sudden new voice captured both women's attention immediately, both turning to look at the little girl sat beside Jane.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Can I have ice cream?"

Jane laughed again, more easily this time.

Maura smiled at her daughter, enjoying how easily Mia had broken the tension.

"How about when we get home? It's getting a little late, and I think Jane might want to go home soon?"

Jane noticed the subtle hint in Maura's sentence and glanced at her watch, noting it was getting near to Mia's bedtime.

"Yeah, sorry Mia, I've got to go soon."

Both women watched Mia's face drop at that.

"Oh...okay." With that Mia turned back to her colouring and began to fold it up, placing her crayons back in the box.

Jane quickly signalled for the check, but Maura promptly placed cash on little tray before Jane even had chance to get cash out.

"Maura, let me..."

"No Jane, I owe you. You've been looking after Mia a lot for me recently, and we asked you, so it's only fair."

Jane considered putting up a fight, but Maura had already stood and was pulling on Mia's coat.

In fairness, Jane knew she couldn't really afford it, so it worked out best for everyone if she just left it.

Jane shifted as Maura picked Mia up, who immediately snuggled up to Maura, already sleepy.  
The sight made Jane smile, but Maura seemed to be used to it by now.

"Right, I best be off then..."

Maura looked up.

"hmm? Oh! Right, well...I'll see you in a few days?"

"Ah, yes. See you in a few days."

Jane smiled once more before waving briefly at Mia, who offered a sleepy smile in return.

By the time Maura looked up again, Jane was gone.

"Hmmm...Well, come on sleepy, let's get you home."

Mia nodded against Maura's shoulder.

In the end Maura managed to get Mia in the car and start it before Mia fell asleep in the back of the car.

* * *

3 am.

It was always around 3am.

But tonight, Maura noted, Mia's screaming sounded different. She could have sworn she heard Mia yelling someone's name, but it didn't sound like a name she knew.

Maura rushed in, dashing across the room in the dark, a skill she'd recently had to master after an incident with a upside down plug on the floor. Suffice to say, Mia had not been the only one to cry that night.

Maura perched on the edge of Mia's bed.

"Mia..."

"No...No!"

Maura sighed.

"Mia, baby, it's me..."

Maura lay a hand on Mia's shoulder, lightly so as to not startle Mia.

Mia's eye briefly flickered before finally opening. She took a moment, taking in her surroundings before sitting up and hugging her mother.

Maura picked her up and took her back to the master room. The routine had become regular of recent.

The nightmares had stopped briefly, but now they were back with a vengeance.

Maura didn't really know what to do. She felt helpless. She'd taken Mia to get help, but Mia had clammed up and wouldn't talk about it. The therapist suggested trying to open Mia up at home, make her feel more comfortable and just try and ride the nightmares out.

The nightmares never seemed to bother Mia the next day, which Maura found odd, but couldn't bring herself to question, for fear of reminding her daughter.

Mia now lay asleep next to her, a peaceful sleep.

Sometimes Mia would wake up about 5 with another nightmare, but that wasn't very often.

Maura sat for a little while, contemplating her next move. She didn't know how to help.

In the end, about 4:30am Maura allowed herself to fall asleep. She knew there was nothing she could do.

It was as she closed her eyes she heard Mia.

She couldn't be 100% sure she heard her, but she was 90% sure she heard Mia.

She opened her eyes, but Mia lay asleep beside her.

_Hmm...odd. I could have sworn she said something..._

With that thought, Maura fell asleep.

* * *

As Maura awoke to the sound of her phone the next morning she sighed, trying not to wake Mia.

"Dr Isles..."

Despite her effort Mia stirred next to her.

Maura listened even as Mia came and sat on her now crossed legs.

Within a few moments Maura hung up.

She placed her phone on the side table before turning to look at Mia.

"Morning, sleep well?"

Mia nodded, but ultimately remained silent, keeping her face down.

"What?" Maura asked.

"Are you going into work?"

Maura bit her lip and moved so she could see Mia's face properly, seeing the smile on it.

"Oh, Mia honey, I'm sorry. I can't take you today."

Maura watched Mia's face drop.

"Oh..."

With that Mia got up and headed towards her room. She heard Mia start to get clothes out.

Maura sighed, she hated having to leave Mia at Mrs Rizzoli's, but fortunately, Mrs Rizzoli understood. Having two kids in the force, one with a child Mrs Rizzoli had her fair share of looking after kids at odd hours.

An hour later and Maura stepped into the elevator at BPD, pleased to see Jane in the elevator.

"Morning!" Jane smiled brightly.

"Morning." Maura responded, trying to cover a yawn.

Jane smirked.

"Long night?"

"Unfortunately so, Mia was up with nightmares again."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Jane said, sympathetic now.

"It's alright, I'm used to it..."

It was then that Maura remembered this morning, when Mia had spoken in her sleep, and the name she screamed in her sleep.

"But?" Jane prompted.

Maura looked at her, questioningly.

"I assumed there was going to be a but there?"

"Oh."

Maura turned and pressed the button, but ultimately remained quiet, trying to decide if she should ask Jane or not.

In the end she decided to just go for it and ask.

"Jane?"

"Yah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"It wasn't me..." Jane shot back, chuckling.

Maura however, looked lost. She turned to Jane and raised an eyebrow slightly.

"Never mind...what's your question?"

Maura blinked, moving on.

"Jane...who's Hoyt?"

* * *

-_Cue dramatic music that JTam likes to feature...-_

_How will Jane respond? Will she tell Maura? Will she deny everything? Will she lie? Or tell the truth? _

_Well, you'll have to wait till next time to find out! _

_Alright, you guys have been amazing! You got me to 100 reviews, so that's absolutely AMAZING! I love you all! I hope you liked this chapter, please do let me know what you think! good or bad? Loving it or hating it? _

_Also, to the the few who answered my age question, (and those who didn't) I'm actually 16. Does that surprise anyone? _

_Alright, I'll stop rambling and let you guys get back to your lives (or reviewing...hint hint.) And I'll see you all (hopefully) and maybe some new people (hint hint) in chapter 6! Thanks for reading!:')v_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N - **I'm sorry this took so long to write again, but with all the school work I have right now, I just don't have as much time as I would like to have. And I didn't want to rush something and it be short and crap. I tried to make this normal length, I think its about 100 words under my normal word count, so sorry:/ _

_Anyway - No beta, all mistakes are my own. _

_Hope you enjoy :)  
_

_Big chunks of Italics are flashbacks, bold italics are thoughts within the flash back. Odd italics within regular text are thoughts. In case it isn't clear :)_

* * *

Hoyt.

The man Jane had locked away for years, who she had spoken of only if necessary. She hadn't told anyone of the nightmares, of the fear, the sadness. She kept it all to herself, dealing with it the only way she knew how. She kept quiet, she put her mask on every day, told everyone she was fine. She only broke down when she knew she could, at home. In the middles of the night, the darkness protecting her, she broke down. She let the tears fall, she let herself hurt. And then the next day she would get up and do it all over again.

Eventually she moved past it. Some would say she got over it, but do you ever really get over something like that? No. You learn to cope, to deal with it.

And that was exactly what Mia needed to do. Some traumatic had happened to her, her father had been taken. She was so young, and against her will her Daddy had been taken away from her forever. It was no wonder Mia was scared, that she had nightmares. Well, it looked this way in Jane's eyes at least.

So she had spoken briefly to Mia.

* * *

_"Jane!" _

_Jane looked up to see Mia bolt through the bullpen towards her. _

_"Hey there." Jane switched the screen off on her computer and flipped a few folders, protecting Mia from seeing the gruesome images there._

_Mia held out her arms for a hug before remembering and holding up her hand instead. _

_Jane smiled at the little girls effort to remember Jane's 'no hug' policy. Jane leaned down slightly and high fived Mia before leaning back in her chair and hitting the speed dial for the morgue._

_"Morgue, Dr Isles speaking." _

_Jane smirked._

_"Maura, you know it's me?"_

_"Actually, although you plan on making a phone call to the morgue, statistically there is a-"_

_"We'll just stick with a chance it could have been someone else shall we?" Jane cut Maura off. She had learnt early on in the friendship not to let Maura go on a Google rant if she needed to work. _

_Jane smiled as she heard Maura sigh on the other end of the phone._

_"Fine. Have you got Mia?" _

_Wordlessly Jane held the phone out to Mia who leaned over eagerly._

_"Hi Mommy!" Mia about yelled down the phone._

_Jane pulled the phone back to hear Maura wince and then put her ear back to the phone._

_"So I've got Mia." Jane joked._

_"I noticed," Maura shot back, not missing a beat. _

_Jane laughed lightly._

_"Alright, just come pick her up when you're done, yeah? Me and Mia will be alright."_

_"Okay, thank you Jane, and if she's any bother just send her down."_

_"She won't be, but I'll remember that. Bye Maura." _

_Jane didn't even give Maura the chance to say goodbye before she hung up._

_Mia sat quietly in the chair besides Jane's desk tonight, occasionally looking over to Korsak's desk, where the older Detective sat watching some cat video. _

_Jane smiled at the little girl, before switching her computer screen back on and directing her attention back to the case she was currently working. _

_A little over a half hour later Jane noticed Mia try to hide her yawn again. She swivelled in her chair to look at the little girl, her eyes giving away how tired she was immediately. _

_"Tired?" Jane's voice breaking the silence. _

_Mia nodded, but didn't say a word, barely looking up from the book in her lap._

_"Why don't you sleep? I'm sure your Mom won't mind?" _

_Mia looked up at Jane this time. Jane noticed the confliction on her face._

_"I can't." Mia stated simply._

_Jane looked puzzled._

_"Why not?"_

_"Because then the nasty man will come and take Daddy."_

**_"Ah...there it is. I knew she couldn't be completely okay after something like that_**." _Jane thought, contemplating how best to deal with the situation. _

_Eventually Jane sighed. _

_"You know they're just nightmares Mia? You know they aren't real, right?"_

_Mia nodded. "That's what Mommy always says, but I don't like them, they're scary and I don't like losing Daddy again." _

_Mia sniffled softly, her eyes glassy and the exhaustion clear._

_Jane considered her next move carefully. _

_Could she really do this? She didn't know. She wanted to talk this through with Mia, to tell Mia that even when the nightmares are really scary, even when they are terrifying, when you can't face going to sleep because you can't bare the thought of going through that again, that eventually they will go away. Maybe not forever, hell, Jane knew herself that they came back from time to time, but still. _

_Mia sniffled again, breaking Jane out of her thoughts. _

_She snapped her head up to look at the little girl._

_"Mia...I know it's difficult. I know it's scary, I do." _

_Mia looked up briefly, searching Jane's face for information. _

_Even at such a young age, Jane could see so much of Maura in the little girl. _

_Mia opened her mouth to speak, but Jane could anticipate what Mia was going to ask._

_"It doesn't matter how I know, I just do. Now, have you told your Mommy you have nightmares."_

_Mia shook her head._

_"Oh." Jane sighed. _

_She didn't know how to give advice that she hadn't even followed herself. She knew the best course of action, she knew Mia needed to talk this over with someone, god knows she knew she wasn't the best person, but Jane knew that there would be someone out there who could help. It had taken Jane months to get help, to find someone she could talk to. After the incident she had drunk herself into a state more than once, screwing people when she wanted, often ending up sprawled out on her couch or a family members after someone had picked her up. Rarely, but often than she would have liked, she had spent the night, after being kicked out of somewhere for being too drunk, or bar fights she would stagger home and sleep outside her apartment if she couldn't get in. _

_Jane couldn't pinpoint the exact moment she had finally had enough, but whatever caused her to change the way she spent her life, she was grateful now. _

_As Mia shuffled in her seat Jane was reminded of the conversation at hand. _

_"Mia, I know you might not like it, but I think talking through it might be best..." Jane tried to soften her words, smiling at Mia. She knew that Mia might be opposed, but at 6 Jane figured she might be more open to the idea._

_"How do you know?"_

_**Damn. **The question she had wanted to avoid. She didn't want to lie to Mia, she wanted to help. But she couldn't divulge that information...could she? _

_Sighing again, Jane dropped her head into her hands. _

_"Okay Mia...if I tell you something, it has to be a secret...okay?"_

_"Mommy says we don't keep secrets." Mia shot back immediately. _

_**Of course. That's very 'Maura' not to allow secrets.**_

_"Okay, not a secret then, but maybe don't tell people?" _

_Mia considered for a moment before nodding. _

_"I know how scary the nightmares can be, because you can't help them, and they are horrible. But they aren't real. No-one is going to hurt you, the nasty man can't hurt you, and I know it hurts that he keeps taking your Daddy away, but you have to trust me when I tell you, that the people in your nightmares will never be able to hurt you...okay?" _

_Mia looked a little lost as she processed the information, before nodding. _

_"Did a nasty man take your Daddy too?" _

_Jane sighed. A weak smile on her face. She had not expected that question._

_"Ah, no. But there was a nasty man in my dreams too...Hoyt...and it was scary, but I knew he couldn't hurt me in my dreams, and once I told people, and I talked things over I realised that he couldn't hurt me and then he went away...do you see?"_

_Mia nodded. _

_"But what if the nasty man in my dreams doesn't go away?" _

_Jane paused briefly. _

_Jane figured she must have hesitated too long to answer because Mia sniffled and Jane noticed a tear slip down her cheek._

_"No!" _

_Mia looked up._

_"He will Mia. I promise he will." _

_Mia didn't get a chance to respond as Jane cut her off by placing her finger to her lips. _

_The sound of heels on the floor got louder. _

_"Remember Mia, talk to your Mommy, okay?" _

_Mia nodded. _

_Jane could hear the bullpen doors open and she quickly gestured for Mia to wipe her eyes._

_Unfortunately it wasn't in time, as Maura walked through the doors, spotting Mia wiping her eyes and shooting Jane a questioning look immediately. _

_Mia quickly turned to Maura after wiping her eyes._

"_Mommy!"_

"_Hi honey…." Maura tried to keep the questioning tone from becoming too obvious in her voice. Jane picked up on it though. _

"_Tell you later." Jane mouthed._

* * *

The doors of the elevator closed, pulling Jane from her memories. She looked up to see a still waiting Maura.

"He's...he's...god...he's just a guy alright? Hang on, what did Mia say about him?"

Now Maura looked even more confused.

"Mia didn't say anything, well, not precisely. She yelled out 'Hoyt' in one of her nightmares last night..."

Jane blinked.

"She told you about her nightmares then?"

An already confused Maura now looked even more puzzled.

"Tell me about them? Why would she need to tell me about them? I sleep with her every night in case she has another one, I have to wake her and calm her down and wipe her tears away at 3am. Why would she need to tell me about them?"

Jane sighed.

"She didn't think you knew."

"Oh...but that doesn't answer my question...who is Hoyt? Is he someone I should know? Why would Mia mention his name?"

"Look Maura, this is a difficult situation. I'm not going to tell you everything, because that's up to Mia, but she came to me telling me she had nightmares, so I shared a little...personal story...his name might of come up."

Jane didn't intend her tone to be as sharp as it was, but Maura took it badly anyway. She turned away from Jane, staring intently at the doors.

In the end Maura couldn't stop her curiosity from getting the better of her.

"But, who is he?"

"No one."

"Impossible, he can't be no-one." Maura shot back, not missing a beat.

"For fucks sake Maura. He's no one. Just talk to Mia about her damn nightmares, sort her out and stop asking me questions about something that doesn't include you."

Jane timed her outburst well, as the doors slid open and she slipped out before Maura even had a chance to respond.

Not that Maura would have responded anyway. She couldn't make sense of that. Jane seemed off, she'd never been like that before.

Instead Maura shook it off and pressed the button for the morgue.

She tried not to think about Jane's outburst throughout the day, but even when she didn't think about what Jane had said exactly, she couldn't stop thinking about what she would do if she and Jane weren't friends. They had barely started this friendship, and Maura was very reluctant to let Jane get away this time.

But between her work, still dealing with her loss of Tom and Mia, she didn't even know where or how to start to fix things with Jane.

Or if she even could fix things with Jane.

* * *

_Okay, there we go. - _

_I have to say, I didn't like this chapter, I felt like it was forced? Like Jane's outburst maybe didn't fit? Or it was confusing? What did you think? I could really use some feedback on this one...I'm really not sure about it._

_Usual rules apply - loving it or hating it? let me know, this writing thing is a two way thing, if its not good, tell me!_

_Also - if you fancy it, I am on tumblr - I'm sashaalexanderr - yes, two 'r's I can't put the proper link or removes it:/ _

_Thanks for reading. I hope to see you (maybe?) and possibly some new people (hint hint) in chapter 7!:') _


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer - I own nothing except Tom, Amelia and plot line. _**

**__**_Alright, so a shorter gap between chap 6 and 7. I had this planned a while I just didn't know how to write it, and then for some reason, I was listening to 'Adele - Skyfall' and it all just came to me. I put the song on repeat and this chapter was written in just over an hour. Its darker than normal, more emotional, not fluffy at all, so prep yourself. _

_No beta - mistakes are my own. I would say I hope you enjoy, but I imagine you might not..._

* * *

From the first day they found out Tom was sick, Maura had prepared herself. She had fought every step of the way, doing her best to protect her daughter from the horror which she faced, to ensure Tom got to see as much of Mia's life as he could. Maura had been strong throughout it all, she had rarely shed a tear throughout it all, she vowed she would protect her daughter and be the rock Mia would need.

And now Mia needed her, where was she?

She was in Boston, and Mia in New York with her grandmother.

Mia had awoken at 3am once again, and this time Maura had prompted Mia to explain all about the nightmares. Although Mia's descriptions of her dreams were a little vague, Maura could understand how terrifying they would be. And that only left Maura feeling more helpless than she did to begin with. She had fought to protect Mia, and ensure that Mia suffered as little as possible throughout this, and now she was faced with the very bitter reality that every time her daughter slept, her daughter hurt. That in itself left Maura feeling like she'd failed her only daughter, one of the things she'd tried so hard to do, she had failed. And then coupled with the fact that her daughter was hurting, and she didn't know how to help, it was too much.

Less than a week after Jane's outburst Maura had called a specialist; someone who dealt with children coping with bereavement. Maura had a brief conversation, explaining what Mia had gone through, and the current repercussions. They had scheduled a first session that Saturday, which in turn had gone extremely well. The specialist wanted to see Mia three times a week, for 4 weeks. And she also wanted Mia to spend the night at a sleep lab, or have an extremely detailed description of the nightmares, and how Mia acted throughout the nightmare.

Maura eventually decided to let Mia sleep there, so they could keep a better eye on her. To determine if the 'nightmares' were just nightmares, Maura thought it best. However, after the sleep lab Maura knew she couldn't stay with Mia any longer. She couldn't stay away from work. She hadn't even been there 6 months yet and she knew she couldn't just keep having time off.

That's when she decided to call Tom's mother. Tom's mother lived in New York, about 30 minutes from the specialist's office. Maura knew it would be difficult for Mia to be uprooted for 4 weeks, but she somehow convinced herself it was for the best. And it turned out Mia was excited to spend 4 weeks with her grandmother. So, Maura packed up some bags for Mia, drove her to New York and then drove back.

It broke her heart to leave Mia there, but she stayed strong, thanking Tom's mother and hugging her daughter goodbye, determined not to cry.

She refused to cry at all, but as she curled up in bed that night she couldn't help but sob.

The house was just too quiet, and the sudden loss was too reminiscent of Tom's death. Even when she prepared herself for it, and knew it was happening, it hurt to be without her.

Slowly she slipped from her bed, tears slipping down her face as she padded to Mia's room. She smiled as the mess across the little girl's room. Maura had said the room had to be tidy before she left, but as usual it appeared Mia had not listened.

Maura set about tidying everything away, folding clothes, throwing others in the hamper. It didn't take her much over an hour to finish tidying, but it felt much longer. She had willed it too take longer, so she would be closer to having Mia back. But as she padded down the stairs to the kitchen she knew she would have to get used to this.

The clock in the kitchen caught her eye.

3:03am.

Mia would probably be waking now.

Maura briefly considered calling to check up, but if on the off chance Mia hadn't woke, she didn't want to wake her.

Instead she crossed the kitchen, opening the fridge. She smiled weakly at Mia's random food strewn randomly across the fridge. Mia had always insisted on picking her own food (Maura always double checked it after it was picked up, to ensure it was healthy for a child Mia's age) and then Mia _had _to put it away.

The thought of Mia skipping through the kitchen to the fridge made Maura chuckle, but her chuckle quickly changing to a sob when she remembered Tom.

She hadn't intended her thoughts to take that route, not anymore.

Often when Tom was sick, and Mia would do something funny or adorable Maura would pray, beg, plead that Tom would get to see it. And once he had died it had taken a little while for Maura to realise Tom wouldn't ever see any of those things again.

But after a while, she stopped relating everything Mia did to Tom. She stopped thinking about how he wouldn't see everything.

So tonight, when her thoughts went to Tom, it shocked her. The tears that had stopped falling a little over an hour ago were back, and she let herself slowly sink to her kitchen floor, attempting to silence her sobs till she remembered Mia wasn't here, eventually giving up trying to cry quietly and instead curling up sobbing loudly.

* * *

Maura knew she had to deal with Tom's death. She'd seen enough people to know how Tom's death would affect her. She'd read enough to know that if she just boxed it up, repressed it and didn't deal with it, it would come back one day. And she knew there was a good chance it could hurt more.

She knew that and going in to Tom's final months she thought she could deal with it, she thought that she'd be okay, that she knew how to cope.

But after Tom's death Maura realised that dealing with it properly might be easier in theory than in practice.

She and Mia had packed up and left and Maura had specifically promised to be there for Mia. And without even realising Maura packed up Tom's death and put it to the back of her mind. She dealt with it when she could, allowing herself to break down briefly, to cry when she was alone only. But as soon as Mia was back on the scene, or needed her, she rebuilt herself in seconds, putting aside her own feelings for as long as was needed.

In the end Maura realised, she had put her own feelings, her own fears, and her own hurt for so long she didn't even think about it very often anymore.

Until it got too much.

Until she ended crying herself to sleep on her kitchen floor.

When Maura woke the next morning, she couldn't tell if she hurt most emotionally or physically. She thanked god she had the next three days off.

Picking herself up off the kitchen floor she wiped her eyes and made her way to the stairs to wake up Mia, before remembering Mia wasn't here. She felt the tears welling up again, but refused to let them fall.

She climbed the stairs and padded into her room to get dressed.

But somehow less than 10 minutes later she was curled up on her bed, Tom's t-shirt balled up by her face, sobbing. She knew she needed to stop, she needed to get up, she had things to do. But she couldn't face the thought of going out and seeing people.

Finally as she lay with Tom's shirt it hit her.

She would never see him again. Ever.

And even though she had faced this before, she had known this, for some reason the realisation slapped her hard.

She didn't want that.

She couldn't bare the idea of it anymore; of facing everyday alone.

It terrified her.

But then again, not many things didn't terrify her anymore, she realised.

* * *

A couple of hours later Maura folded slipped her own shirt off, replacing it with Tom's and padded downstairs.

She walked slowly to the kitchen, lacking the normal energy and motivation she normally had. She grabbed a couple of things and set about making herself a coffee. She figured if anything, the coffee would be a nice indulgence, especially if she made herself a caramel latte, a pick up me she normally relied on. She knew it probably wouldn't even help a little today, but she knew if anything, it had caffeine in. Something she so desperately needed.

She didn't normally agree with highly caffeinated drinks, but today, it wasn't even 3 in afternoon and she was running on empty.

Not the healthiest choice, she knew. But what did it matter. Today, it didn't.

Maura reached up to the top cupboard where she had placed the caramel syrup. It wasn't her best idea to place it up there, since she couldn't see what exactly she was doing, and often ended up picking out the wrong flavour syrup before finding the one she wanted, but since Mia kept using it in her hot chocolate and Maura had to have it specially imported, she figured it better if it went up there.

Maura felt inside the cupboard, bypassing a few bottles she knew were not the syrup. She finally felt a bottle feeling a lot like the syrup. She clasped her fingers round the bottle and dragged it out triumphantly.

It was as she placed it on the counter she realised it was not syrup. Instead the bottle she stared at was one of Tom's.

She had always been against having hard liquor in the house after Mia was born, she was against it before hand, but after she was born it was absolutely not allowed.

But somehow Tom had managed to sneak in a bottle of whisky.

Maura had to hand it to him, he'd done extremely well not to be caught with it, and she eventually found out he'd been having it in coffee late at night, as to not raise suspicion.

When she found out, she had been –for lack of a better word- pissed, she hadn't spoken to him until eventually she just yelled.

However, a couple of weeks later, Tom somehow managed to bring Maura around to the idea of trying it. Mia was now completely weaned, so she really after a little budging from Tom she caved and tried it. She loved it.

They didn't drink it often, especially after Tom was diagnosed and he couldn't drink on his medication, but on rare occasions they had drank it together.

Maura had found the bottle as she packed up the house to move to Boston, and couldn't bare to throw it out. So she packed it.

She hadn't thought about it after she had placed it in the high cupboard, but now with it sitting on the counter in front of her she allowed herself to briefly consider adding some to her coffee.

She hadn't been a big drinker before hand, and after Tom's death, she rarely drank.

So, as she poured a small amount into her coffee, and then took a drink the sudden taste shocked her. She coughed for a moment before drinking again, allowing herself to really enjoy the taste.

It wasn't long before she made another coffee, adding a little more this time. And by 6o'clock, 4 coffees had been made, and drunk, a little more whisky each time.

Maura sat on the couch, Tom's t-shirt more than a little damp from tears, her hair a mess, coffee mugs littering the table.

She had sobbed more times than she cared to count, and now she sat there, completely still, silent.

She had failed her daughter, lost her husband, her best friend and she had made a new friend, only to have her leave as well.

She didn't really know how she had coped this long without breaking down. She smirked. She felt pathetic, weak. The alcohol in her system only serving to numb her a little more. A feeling she didn't particularly enjoy, and she cursed herself for drinking it. She sat for a little while longer, eventually allowing exhaustion to take over and falling to sleep, head rested against the side of the couch.

She never even heard the door slam open. She was too deep in sleep to hear the noise of someone at the front of her house, or when they kicked the door in.

She didn't hear the person walk through the house.

It was only as she heard the bottle on the table in front of her fall and smash that she woke and found someone stood over her.

* * *

_My trademark cliffhanger there. _

_So, I have to ask, because review rates, and follower rates have been down for the last two chapters, so I have to ask, is there something I'm doing wrong? Something not right? Is there still the interest for me to continue it? _

_Alright - thanks for reading. _

_I'll maybe see you (and others, hint hint) in chapter 8 - but seriously, if there isn't the interest, I can wrap this up in two or three chapters, or if there is interest, I had planned this out to be a long fic. Please, let me know what **you **want. _


	8. Chapter 8

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything except Tom, Mia and plotline. **_

_Okay, this chapter is mostly Jane-centric, since the last one was all Maura. Also, this chapter starts the day the last one ended, but a couple hours before the last one ended, so Maura's house hasn't been broken into yet...it'll all make sense at the end...I hope.  
Sorry about the issue yesterday, but my laptop is fixed and so you guys get a chapter!:') - thanks for your response to chapter 7, and I hope you enjoy this one. No beta as usual, mistakes are my own. _

* * *

After throwing her jacket down in the seat next to hers Jane dropped down in her chair. She sighed loudly, rubbed her eyes and then finally looked up at Frankie.

"Morning." Frankie spoke brightly, loudly, on purpose.

Jane's only response was to put her head on her hand, eyes closed and then use the other hand to flip Frankie off.

Only when she heard his response smirk did she look up.

"Good night?" He asked, half sympathetic.

"Unfortunately not. A long one, including me, cold cases and a 40 minutes nap with my head on the coffee table." Jane groaned.

"Ouch. Why? I didn't know you had an open case right now?"

"Nahh, we don't. I'm going over something for Korsak, Maura was going to help me but she never answered my calls."

At the sound of the M.E's name Frankie looked up to Jane.

"Maura?" His tone was questioning, but still a little playful.

"Yeah, Doctor Isles."

Frankie opened his mouth to ask, but the waitress stood by the edge of the table drawing attention to her.

Only after they had ordered and their food arrived did Frankie get a chance to steer the conversation back.

"So..."

"What?" Jane didn't even look up from her plate.

"On a first name basis with a certain medical examiner are we?"

That got Jane's attention.

"I...yeah...so?"

"Nothing...you guys good friends then?" Frankie spoke playfully. Jane was pretty sure she knew where Frankie was going with this.

"We're alright mates...why?"

"No...I just didn't expect you to be such good friends with Queen of the dead is all."

Jane's attention, which had been diverted back to her plate, was on Frankie again in seconds.

"Queen what?!" She spoke calmly, trying not to show how annoyed she was with the nickname.

"Queen of the dead...are you telling me you haven't heard anyone call her that?"

Jane thought for a moment, in truth she had heard the nickname thrown around before, but had never connected it to Maura.

"No...Not about Maura."

"Oh. Well, you have to admit its pretty fitting. She's super creepy. And have you seen that little girl she drags round the place? What is that about?!" Frankie laughed, intending what he said to be a throw-away comment.

Jane however, was not having that.

"No. It's not 'pretty fitting'. She's not 'super creepy' and for the damn record I have met Mia, she's Maura's daughter and what's the problem if she brings her to work?"

Frankie looked a little taken aback by Jane's outburst.

"Jesus Jane..."

"Whatever."

Jane stared down at her plate for a long moment, trying desperately not to think any more about Maura. It wasn't happening.

So, instead Jane leaned over to her jacket, grabbed some cash out and placed it down on the table.

"I'll see you around Frankie."

"Jane! Is this about what I said? Look I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys were so close, come on."

Jane slipped her jacket on and turned.

"Don't worry Frankie; I've just got somewhere to be."

"Jane, seriously, I am sorry. If I'd have known I wouldn't have said anything."

"It's fine Frankie."

With that Jane walked quickly towards the door, slipping out into the cool air.

It felt good to just get out of there. She had been attempting not to think of Maura for a while, because thinking about Maura led to thinking about her relationship with Maura which led to her questioning herself and then she ended up a confused mess on the floor.

Jane had come to the conclusion she was bi-sexual when she was 15. She had been attracted to girls for a little while and eventually things kind of slid into place when her high school best friend came out to her and Jane realised that everything her friend described, she felt the same. After that, she pretty much settled into things, comfortable in her own mind.

She was not however, comfortable telling anyone else. She kept it to herself to this very day. In her eyes, she didn't need to tell anyone. Granted she found girls attractive, and hell, the things she longed to do with a girl. But she hadn't actually found anyone that she wanted to take that step with. Not till now at least.

Now Maura was here, and Jane could actually imagine taking that step with Maura.

Except for the fact that Maura was straight, and had a daughter and was dealing with her own problems.

Jane knew that a relationship with Maura wasn't even a possibility, yet she couldn't keep her mind from wandering.

All someone had to do was mention her name and Jane's mind was flooded with images, mostly inappropriate.

At this point she knew it was a physical thing for Maura. But with each passing day, each time she stood up for Maura as a reflex, each time she caught herself smiling thinking only of Maura and Mia she questioned it.

It wasn't good. She knew it. But what she didn't know was how to stop it.

Walking through the park Jane found herself absentmindedly walking towards Maura's part of town. A route she and Maura had taken often when they went running. Jane half contemplated going to see Maura since she knew they were both on a day off, but she knew Maura was probably going to see Mia at some point. Instead she wandered towards her mothers, hurrying slightly as the cold got the better of her.

* * *

"Hey Ma!"

Angela stuck her head out of the kitchen briefly.

"Janie, what brings you here?"

"Oh, I was just...you know...in the area." Jane kicked her shoes off by the door, headed in the direction of the kitchen again.

"At Maura's again then?" Angela's voice held something Jane couldn't quite place.

"No. Why would you think that?"

"Well, you are always there?"

Jane smiled.

She had been spending a lot of time at Maura's recently. Between running, coffee after that and stopping by to see Mia, she had probably spent more time at Maura's then her mothers.

"I guess, but no not today."

"She not in then?" Angela shot back teasingly.

"I don't know." With that Jane actually began to wonder if Maura was at home. She hadn't thought to check if Maura was at home, or if the car was there. She silently cursed herself for not even checking, but then thought it might be best. It was becoming increasingly difficult to stop her feelings in their tracks if she spent more time with Maura and Mia.

Jane smiled at the thought of the little girl. She and Mia had bonded quickly over the little girls nightmares. Jane hadn't even told Maura about Hoyt yet, but she had briefly told the little girl. It wasn't that Jane didn't want to tell Maura, it was that she couldn't. She feared Maura's reaction more than anything. She wasn't sure if she could handle whatever Maura's reaction would be.

So, she kept quiet. It wasn't like Maura wasn't keeping secrets from her. Jane knew Maura wasn't telling her everything. But what could she do? She knew that forcing Maura to tell her wasn't fair, and she half understood why Maura wouldn't want to tell her everything about her life, but she still couldn't help feeling a little out of the loop with Maura.

She knew a few things about Maura, she knew that Maura had moved here because of something that had happened in her past, and she knew that Maura had been married to Mia's father, but other than that no-one really seemed to know, or if they did they weren't saying a thing.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Angela's voice shocked Jane, causing her to turn away from the window. She didn't even remember turning to look towards Maura's place, and yet here she was, silently scanning the house for a sign of life.

"Hmmm? Oh, sorry, what were you saying?"

Angela smirked, seeing right through Jane.

"Nothing, but if it helps she came home last night, parked in the garage and I haven't seen her leave...come to think of it, I rarely see her leave except for work or Mia. Is she okay Janie? She seems a bit...quiet."

Jane smiled at her mother, it was impossible not to love her mother; even if she had the wrong methods and ideas sometimes she knew her mother was always looking out for people.

"Oh...to be honest Ma, I don't know. I think she's okay, she's a bit quiet at work, but otherwise she seems okay."

Jane hated lying to her mother, granted she'd had to get used to it in her teenage years, but she still didn't like it.

Angela looked at her funny, clearly not believing her, but ultimately turned back to whatever she was making for dinner.

Jane glanced back out of the window before reaching into her pocket and slipping her phone out.

_Fancy a coffee later? Or dinner? Xx_

Jane sent the text and waited. Maura always text back within a few minutes unless she was working or with Mia.

She waited a few moments before placing her phone on the counter and making herself a drink. She knew if she watched her phone a message would never come through.

But even as she set her glass down, she noticed Maura had not replied.

Jane thought it odd but ultimately decided to forget it, Maura was probably busy.

* * *

4 hours, 3 texts, 2 phone calls later Jane left her mothers and walked the short distance to Maura's. She had been waiting for a response, but after not getting one, and Maura not answering her calls she decided a quick visit to Maura's place wouldn't be not okay.

She walked quickly up the steps to Maura's door, and went to knock, but only when she held her hand up did she realise the door lay ajar.

Jane looked quickly at the lock, noting the signs of forced entry. Within seconds she had drawn her weapon and slipped through the door, careful not to touch too much. She stepped slowly through the house, searching through the rooms. She walked carefully through the kitchen towards the lounge. Upon hearing nothing in the house Jane's heartbeat slowly started to go back to normal. But still, she continued her search, heading quietly towards the dining room.

As she stepped through the dining hall door she heard it.

A loud smash from the lounge.

"Fuck." The one room she hadn't checked.

She dashed towards the lounge, throwing open the door and taking in the scene before her.

A groggy, but clearly terrified Maura was half sat up on the couch staring at something in the corner. Jane stayed silent in the door way, not alerting anyone to her presence. She spotted the smashed bottle on the floor and as she walked towards it she breathed a sigh of relief, figuring it was Maura who dropped the bottle.

"Maura-"

Maura spun round to look at Jane, fear evident in her eyes, cutting off Jane's speech. That's when Jane directed her gaze to where Maura had been staring.

The colour drained from Jane's face as she turned to face the person in the corner.

"Who the fuck are you?!"

* * *

_There we go. I hope you all don't hate me too much, the mystery of who is in Maura's house is still not cleared up! I know a lot of people wanted it to be Jane, but that would be too easy! _

_So, what do you think? I'm honestly not too sure about it, but hey, what did you think? Good or bad? Loving it or hating it? I can only make it better if you tell me what you do or do not like. _

_Thanks for reading guys, you've all been amazing so far! And I hope to see you all and maybe others (hint hint) in chapter 9!:')_

_Oh, also if you fancy it, I'm on tumblr - sashaalexanderr (yepp, 2 'r's) _


	9. Chapter 9

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything except Tom, Mia, the robber, and plot. **_

_****Okay, first, I'm so sorry it took me this long to get a new chapter up, between school and being sick again I just could not get this done. But today I sat at my laptop for 4 and half hours straight and finally finished this. And to show how sorry I am, this chapter is not only the longest chapter in this fic, its the longest chapter I've ever written for any fic. It stands at 3300 words without A/N's, which I know isn't that much, but I hope you all enjoy it!_

_Also, Wow! You guys did not like the cliff hanger I left the last chapter on! Sorry! _

_No beta, mistake are my own - hope you like this!:) _

* * *

20 minutes. That was all it took to have the guy from Maura's arrested. Granted, Jane wished it had never happened at all, but 20 minutes was good.

As she watched the cop car drive off she sighed, relief apparent. Maura however, sat frozen on the couch. Jane moved over to her slowly, afraid of startling her.

"Maur?"

Maura glanced up to Jane briefly before looking back at the floor. Jane moved to sit on the coffee table in front of Maura. She winced slightly as the smell of alcohol stung her nostrils slightly. It didn't take a genius to work out what had happened. The guy broke in, didn't know Maura was in, knocked the bottle over and was then caught. It all made sense to Jane, but Maura seemed off. Jane could understand having your house broken into was unsettling for anyone, but whatever was wrong with Maura was different.

Jane sat quietly for a little longer, she knew Maura probably wouldn't sleep again. Jane had managed to get her Ma home and locked up and so she figured she'd sleep on Maura's couch or something, make sure everything was okay.

Jane shifted uncomfortably on the table. She didn't know what to do, or say.

Finally Maura moved. She stood silently, moving away from Jane into the kitchen. She returned promptly with a few things and started clearing the mess on the floor.

"Maura, I can do that, its fine?" Jane moved to take over but Maura immediately shot her a look.

Jane recoiled.

"Well, um...would you like me to stay tonight? Make sure everything is okay?"

Maura sat back on her heels momentarily, contemplating. She opened her mouth, but quickly closed it, reconsidering her decision.

"No, you should go; you have work in the morning. I'll be okay."

Maura stood finally, the mess on the floor sorted and walked back off to the kitchen.

Jane sighed and looked down; she hadn't even gotten around to taking her shoes off. She trudged through the house; she wanted to stay, to make sure Maura was okay, and to find out what was really going on. But, if Maura wanted her gone, should she really put up a fight? Did it make sense to? Would she just look like an ass?

Maura stood in the kitchen; she couldn't really wrap her head around everything. Between the day she'd had, and then the guy and now Jane...she felt a mess.

She tried to convince herself Jane leaving was best, god knows she wasn't in the best mood right now and company probably wouldn't be best, but she couldn't help but shake the feeling that she needed Jane to be there tonight, just to make them both more comfortable about what happened tonight.

She wavered between rushing out the kitchen door to get Jane, and going to bed. She didn't want to stay here alone, not anymore. She'd had enough of alone, she'd been alone her whole life, and now she'd had a taste of having people around her, she hated the long quiet nights.

Decision made she hurried to the kitchen door, watching as the door closed behind Jane.

_Damnit. _

"Need something?" Jane's voice came from behind her in the hallway. Maura spun around, the voice startling her. Jane stood, smirking.

"I...ah..." Maura was at a loss for words.

"I just thought I'd make sure they had fixed your door properly." Jane moved off the wall, heading towards the door to actually leave this time.

"Oh, well thanks." Maura tried to force a smile.

"S'okay. What kind of friend would I be if I left you in an unsafe house..._again." _Jane thought the last bit, determined not to make this about her.

Unspoken words hung in the air, clear Jane didn't want to go and Maura didn't want to be alone, but neither brave enough to ask.

"Well, I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then Jane?" Maura attempted to smile.

Jane looked at her feet for a moment, then at the door before finally looking back at Maura.

"Um, yeah...I guess so..." Jane scuffed her feet briefly before shoving one hand in her pocket and reaching for the door. Maura stepped behind her, reaching out to take the door from Jane.

Jane stepped out on to the porch, turning back to look at Maura briefly.

Maura smiled and finally Jane stepped down the stairs and headed to her car.

Maura stood for a moment, watching Jane get in her car and drive off. She sighed and turned back to her house. She closed the door and leaned against it for a moment.

Suddenly the house seemed dark, scary. She wandered through the house, trying to feel at home here again. She considered leaving the kitchen light on all night, but knowing it would be a waste of electricity she flicked it off, trying to ignore the sense of fear it created.

She knew there was no one in the house, but now the place just didn't seem safe. She'd left the doors unlocked before and never had a single problem, but now the idea of staying in the house alone filled her with dread. She took a moment to relax, but the fear never shifted. Instead she walked quickly to the front of the house, grabbed her keys from the counter and left.

* * *

Finally, about 40 minutes later Maura arrived. She stood outside Jane's place, dripping wet and cold. It had started raining halfway over, which wouldn't have bothered her, if she were driving. But unfortunately, she didn't know where Jane lived. She knew Jane lived 10 minutes from BPD, and if Maura had been at BPD she would have been able to get to Jane's place fine, but driving from her end of town she was clueless. So, after driving around for a while she just decided to go to BPD, park there and walk.

She wasn't far from BPD when it started raining, and not even a little light rain, torrential. Which, had she been thinking clearly, she knew was forecast. She considered going back to BPD and just going home, but she couldn't bring herself to walk home.

She had tried her best not to cry as she drove over, and she had mostly succeeded, but as she walked towards Jane's house and the rain started it finally became too much. She kept walking, thankful the area wasn't popular, and that her tears would be masked by the rain anyway.

As she stood outsides Jane's front door, she finally began to think about this, that she now stood outside Jane's door, after walking however far it was in the rain and heels without a coat. Something she would never have done before. She wasn't an impulsive person, or an unprepared person. She stood for a moment, considering why she had done this, why she had done this for Jane. Shaking her head she resigned it to fear, but she couldn't stop the little part of her that wondered why she would do this, just because she _needed Jane. _ There was no getting around it, fear or not, she needed Jane tonight. She figured she probably just needed someone, anyone to make her feel safe.

Maura wiped her face as best she could and then knocked quietly, not wanting to disturb Jane if she were asleep. She figured if Jane were busy or asleep she would just leave. At the sound of Jane moving around on the other side of the door Maura smiled.

Jane flung open the door with a fairly harsh sounding "What?!"

Maura's face fell as Jane took in the sight in front of her.

"Maura?" Jane clearly wasn't expecting her.

"I'm sorry, I can go?" Maura's voice was quiet, timid.

"No!" Jane responded a little too quickly. She reached out and grabbed Maura's arm and then flinched when she found Maura's arm to be icy and wet.

"Jesus Maura!"

Maura looked up, slowly, effortlessly.

"Come in! Jeez, what did you do? Why are you wet?" Jane glanced quickly to the window, spotting the storm that was quickly approaching.

"Did you walk here?!" Jane sounded a little pissed.

Maura looked down, she nodded slightly.

"I'm sorry...I just...I couldn't...I didn't...I'm sorry."

Jane pulled Maura in and closed the door, spotting Maura's tears for the first time through the rainwater across her face.

"Have you been crying?"

Maura nodded slightly again.

Jane sighed, took one more look at Maura and pulled her in for a hug.

Maura pulled back slightly. "Jane, I'm wet!"

"And?" Was all Jane responded with.

Jane pulled Maura back and let Maura cry on her shoulder.

Maura sobbed quietly for a few minutes before sniffling and turning her head slightly. The sudden contact of an icy, wet nose against her neck made Jane flinch.

Jane attempted to cover it, but Maura noticed it.

Maura moved away from Jane, breaking the hug.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have-"

"Shush will you?"

Maura looked up, surprised.

"You have a cold nose; it's bound to make anyone flinch!" Jane smiled, trying to make Maura feel better.

Only once Maura smiled back at Jane, did she continue.

"Now, let's get you out of those clothes shall we?"

Jane turned and headed towards the bathroom, leaving a stunned Maura in the living room.

She stood for a moment, contemplating what Jane had just said, she was about to move when Jane turned, the realisation of what she had said written all over her face.

"Shit. For a shower! That's why we need to get you out of those clothes..." Jane spoke quickly, trying to make the situation better. Upon realising what she had said this time, she tried again.

"Fuck. I mean you need to get out of those clothes."

Maura attempted to stifle a giggle, but Jane caught it.

"Christ. Not what I meant. Just go get in the shower will you? I'll get some towels and stuff and drop them in the bathroom in a minute okay?"

Maura smiled, nodded and headed to the bathroom. She paused at the door though, placing a hand on Jane's shoulder.

"Thank you, Jane." With that she turned and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Jane sighed.

_Christ Rizzoli. Get it the fuck together!_

* * *

30 minutes later Jane sat on the couch waiting for Maura. She had already drunk two beers while Maura showered and had started a third. She knew she should stop, she could feel herself getting sleepy.

She rubbed her eyes and flicked her attention back to the screen. She had been watching a game, but it couldn't keep her interest. She kept staring at the bathroom door, trying not to think of the woman behind the door. It wasn't going well.

Finally the bathroom door opened and Jane saw Maura slip out into the hallway. It was only when she realised all Maura had on was a fairly short towel, did Jane realise Maura didn't have anything to wear.

"Shit!"

Jane jumped up and dashed into her bedroom and grabbed the clothes she'd set out. In her haste to get into the bathroom and get out, she'd forgotten to pick up the clothes she's left out.

She headed back into the hall and handed them to Maura, who was waiting patiently by the bathroom door.

"Here, sorry." Maura smiled, accepting the sweats and a tank top.

"I know it's not fancy like your other stuff but it's the only stuff I have that I think will fit you."

Maura smiled. "It's fine, thank you." She turned and headed back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her again.

Jane retreated back to the couch, stopping by the living room to grab another beer for Maura. She placed it on the table and waited for Maura to return.

A few minutes later, the bathroom door opened again and Maura walked out, wearing Jane's sweats rolled up, and the tank top, which had ridden up. Jane laughed lightly; even the clothes that didn't fit her didn't fit Maura.

Maura smiled and padded over to the couch before sitting cross legged besides Jane.

The silence, while obvious, wasn't uncomfortable. Maura relaxed against the back of the couch and turned to watch the game. Jane passed her a beer and watched Maura take a tentative sip. She laughed when Maura placed it carefully back on the table, a look of disgust all over her face.

"Not a fan?" Jane joked.

"I don't normally like beer, no."

"What?"

"I don't normally like beer, no." Maura repeated herself.

Jane smirked. "You don't like beer?"

"No, I'm more partial to wine."

Jane sat for a moment, trying to remember when they had gone out, or stayed in if Maura had ever drunk beer. She realised Maura hadn't, and then mentally slapped herself.

"Sorry, I guess I never noticed that..."

"It's fine. Now you know."

Maura turned back to the game, which she found surprisingly interesting.

* * *

The game ended a little over 30 minutes later. Jane turned the TV off, but made no attempt to move. Neither did Maura, who turned to face Jane, her legs crossed in front of her.

Jane turned and looked at her, the silence now a little more uncomfortable. Without the game to distract, they knew they needed to talk.

Instead, Jane yawned before standing.

"Uh, Maur?"

Maura looked up, "Yes?"

"I'd like to go to sleep now?"

Jane rubbed the back of her neck.

"Oh, okay...I'll um...can I borrow some shoes?"

Jane looked at her for a moment, trying to work out why she would need shoes.

"Um, why?"

"Because mine are wet and I can't walk back to my car barefoot?" Maura looked at Jane a little confused too.

"Why are you going back to your car? Do you want to go? Because I'll give you a ride if you want?"

"I don't _want _to go back, but I thought you wanted to go to sleep?"

"Yeah, so I need you to move so I can sleep there?

"Oh!" Maura realised finally.

"Well, I can sleep on the couch, its fine, it's your place?" Maura offered.

"No, its fine, I'll sleep on the couch, you're a guest. I put out some shorts and tee on the bed in case you want to sleep in those instead of sweats?" Jane smiled, determined to not let Maura sleep on the couch.

Maura smiled, stood and moved around the table.

"Well, that's great. I'll let you get some sleep then. Goodnight Jane." Maura turned and headed towards the bedroom as Jane grabbed some blankets from the cupboard to put on the couch.

"Night Maur." Jane called.

Jane laid the blankets out and settled on the couch.

She lay awake for a little while, contemplating the day. She couldn't quite work out what had happened. The day seemed to have gone by so fast; she couldn't make sense of it all.

After a little while though, exhaustion seemed to win out and Jane fell asleep.

* * *

Around 3 am Jane was woken by shouting coming from somewhere.

She opened her eyes, slightly disorientated. When she realised where she was and remembered Maura she grabbed her gun from the coffee table in front of her and got up, heading towards her room, the source of the shouting.

"No. No Tom. You can't do this. You can't leave us again. Tom!"

Jane blinked. _Tom? As in, the ex husband Tom? _

Jane moved grabbing the door handle and pushing the door silently, her gun aimed. As the door slid open, all it revealed was an empty room and an unsettled Maura in her bed.

Maura tossed a few more times, muttering something about Tom.

Jane crossed the room, sitting in the bed immediately, the movement startling Maura awake.

She sat up, shocked, her breathing heavy.

"Jane?" She asked confused.

"Hi." Jane responded. She didn't really know what to do.

"What's going on?"

"You...you had a nightmare."

"Oh...oh yes..." The situation began to settle and Maura began to remember.

"I'm sorry if I woke you."

Jane shook her head. "It's fine."

Jane stood awkwardly, _Do I go? Does she want me to stay? Why is she having nightmares about Tom? Maybe I should stay._

Maura sat back, watching as Jane clenched and unclenched her hands.

"Stay." She spoke quietly, neither of them 100% sure she had actually said it.

"What?"

"Stay. That couch can't be comfortable; I think I might feel better if you stayed."

Maura smiled up at Jane and shifted over to show she was serious.

"Um, okay?" Jane moved back to the bed, slightly awkwardly. She settled beside Maura, who quickly settled, not uncomfortable at all, and fell asleep.

Jane smiled at the woman beside her, who appeared to have found sleep quiet easily. Something Jane could never do after a nightmare. Jane turned to face Maura, watching the way Maura wrinkled her nose slightly and burrowed down slightly further into the sheets.

* * *

5am it happened again. Except this time when Jane awoke, Maura was curled up into her side, Jane's arm thrown over Maura's back. Maura continued to whimper, and beg Tom not to leave again. Jane shifted and rubbed Maura's back soothingly, trying to help. Finally when Maura's eyes opened the normally bright hazel eyes stared up at Jane, fear and sadness evident. Jane moved quickly, sensing the change in this wake up. It wasn't long before Jane lay with Maura sobbing on her shoulder, stroking her arm.

After a little while Maura finally did stop crying, she sniffled and moved away from Jane's arms.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, honest. Stop apologizing, you did nothing wrong."

Maura managed a half smile, and buried herself into Jane's shoulder again. Even if the two of them realised this wasn't exactly how friends lay in bed, neither particularly wanted to end this.

Jane coughed, trying to decide if she should ask or not. She thought it best not to, but Maura looked up and caught the questioning look on Jane's face.

"What?" She asked timidly.

"I...nothing."

Maura lay for a moment, thinking she knew where this was headed.

"You can ask you know? If you want to."

Jane visibly relaxed.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to talk about it?"

"About my nightmares?" Maura questioned.

"Yeah."

"They aren't important." Maura shot back.

"They must be, plus I remember having a similar conversation with a little girl who looks a lot like you about her nightmares, and her Mom saying that talking about them was best..." Jane trailed off, but tried to keep smiling, not wanting to make this anymore awkward than it could be.

"I...Okay." Maura realised Jane had her there.

"We don't have to, I just thought..."

"No, I should talk about them, it will help."

Jane waited, giving Maura the opportunity to start, but when she didn't Jane decided to take this into her own hands.

"Okay. Well, for starters, why would Tom leave you?"

Maura stiffened and Jane internally cursed herself for starting with that question.

"No, I'm sorry Maur, you don't have to-"

"It's fine Jane. It's just a long story."

"Well, we don't have to-"

"Jane!"

"Sorry."

"Tom...he already left once. And it hurt. It hurt badly..."

Jane waited a beat, to see if the story would continue.

It didn't.

"I'm sorry Maura; I know divorce must have been hard for you."

Jane felt Maura shift and she looked down to see Maura looking at her.

"Divorce?" Maura questioned. She had forgotten Jane didn't know.

"Oh, sorry, separation?" Jane tried again.

Maura sighed.

"Jane, I forgot I had mentioned before..."

Jane nodded, waiting.

"Jane...Tom died."

Jane shifted, her eyes meeting now cloudy hazel ones.

_What?!_

* * *

_A/N - _

_Okay, there we go, chap 9! First off, last chapter (chap 8) did I really fuck it up? Was it really bad? Because it looked like you guys didn't like it...was it bad? You can tell me? I just want to know so I can make the chapters better! _

_Which leads me to this chapter - how was it? Did it suck awfully? Did it make sense? Did you even like it? _

_I know some might tell me I'm begging for reviews, but unless you've ever done this, you can't imagine how nerve racking it is posting this stuff, waiting to see what people thought. I find myself nervous, like my work is being judged. Does that make me crazy? Probably. _

_Okay, I'll stop rambling or this is going to be a crazy long chapter. I hope you'll let me know what you thought. And I hope to see you all (hopefully) and maybe some new people (hint hint) in chapter 10!:) _

_Thanks for reading guys. Oh, and feel free to check me out on tumblr - sashaalexanderr (proper link on my profile.) _


	10. Chapter 10

_**Disclaimer - I don't own anything besides Tom's Mum, Mia, the plot line and Sam.**__  
_

_I'm so sorry! Like unbelievably sorry! I never meant for it to take this long to get an update out, I've been so busy with school and some personal issues that this just got put on the back burner, I'm really sorry, but here we are. Chapter 10._

_Its not beta'd, all mistakes are my own, hope you enjoy. Please do check the A/N at the end, I could use an opinion._

* * *

_"Tom...he already left once. And it hurt. It hurt badly..."_

_Jane waited a beat, to see if the story would continue._

_It didn't._

_"I'm sorry Maura; I know divorce must have been hard for you."_

_Jane felt Maura shift and she looked down to see Maura looking at her._

_"Divorce?" Maura questioned. She had forgotten Jane didn't know._

_"Oh, sorry, separation?" Jane tried again._

_Maura sighed._

_"Jane, I forgot I had mentioned before..."_

_Jane nodded, waiting._

_"Jane...Tom died."_

_Jane shifted, her eyes meeting now cloudy hazel ones._

_What?!_

* * *

Jane hadn't moved. She'd barely breathed. She simply lay, taking it in. Or at least, that's what Maura figured was happening.

Eventually Jane coughed, shifted slightly and looked down at Maura, but even Maura could tell Jane wasn't looking _at_ her. Jane looked through her instead. As though she were, there, but not really.

Maura had expected some kind of reaction, but this was not one she anticipated, mostly because it wasn't really a reaction.

"Jane?" Maura's quiet voice breaking the silence.

Finally Jane's eyes registered and she shifted more noticeably this time.

"Jesus fuck Maura."

"Language Jane." But even Maura couldn't pretend like she cared that much right now. She'd done her own fair share of swearing when she'd found out.

"Sorry. Jeez Maur...I had no idea, I'm sorry."

Maura had heard people say that so many times she didn't really register the words anymore. They didn't have meaning anymore. Normally when she told people, they would give her pity, maybe a hug. That was something Maura detested. She hated pity, couldn't handle it. She wanted to deal with everything on her own, to cope with it all, to be the strong person Mia would need. So, pity bothered her. It was like people didn't think she could do it, like they thought she wasn't strong enough. And granted some people would say when she left for different countries that she wasn't strong enough and that she was running away. But not in her eyes. And she hoped not in Jane's.

"It's fine. You didn't know."

She felt Jane stiffen at her words; she half expected Jane to be pissed at her for not saying anything about Tom. But half of her hoped Jane would be okay with it, that Jane would understand. Maura sighed in relief when she felt Jane take a breath and relax.

Maura breathed in, preparing herself to finish this.

"Ask me, Jane."

"What?" Jane looked confused.

"Ask me. Ask me one of the questions you need to right now. I don't mind. I know it will help to talk about it, and I know it's only fair that I tell you. So, ask me, Jane."

Jane sighed.

"I don't know where to start Maura..."

"Just pick one, any question."

Jane thought for a moment.

"How?" Jane waited a beat. "No, no, you don't have to answer that..."

It was Maura's turn to sigh now.

"Jane I told you to ask any question, there are no questions off the table right now. Okay?"

Jane nodded, feeling Maura snuggle in closer as she prepared herself to tell the story.

"We fought. For two years we fought. We tried everything, from old treatments to new, experimental ones." Maura's voice was quiet, tired. She cleared her throat slightly before continuing. "He got sick. Kept get colds and stomach flu's that he just couldn't shake. He refused to go to the doctor. Said he just had a bad immune system, that it was winter, that there was just a bug going round, that all his mates had it. There was a different excuse every week. Now I look back I see he was just scared. He didn't want to admit there was a bigger problem. Sometimes I wonder if things would have been different if I'd pushed him. If I'd pushed him a little harder to go to the doctors, to go a little sooner, to be a little more persistent. Maybe..." Maura trailed off, thinking deeply. Jane didn't say a thing, she barely breathed. "I wonder if we'd caught it earlier if maybe he could still be here...still here for Mia...for me..." Maura felt Jane stiffen at that, but thought nothing of it for the moment.

"Realistically, I know it wouldn't have made a difference. I know what a week or two wouldn't have helped. He was too sick. Nothing would have helped. But I just can't let it go. Anyway, a few months after his colds and stomach flu's started he got really sick. He was at work one day, apparently he was fine one minute and then he was sick, and there was blood, so much blood and he collapsed and then they took him to the hospital and then I got there and Mia was tired and she was crying and Tom was sick and the nurses, they were trying, but they couldn't help much and the doctors were everywhere and they kept saying things and I just kept trying to listen and then I heard it. Cancer. Looking back, I don't remember much that the doctors said that day. Just that word."

Jane held Maura throughout the story, clutching her tighter as Maura's voice changed, and the tears began to flow and eventually as the story ended Jane just held Maura as the blonde sobbed against her shoulder.

"He died. Two years later. He died. He just left us."

Jane could barely make out what Maura said after that, but it didn't matter. She didn't need to hear anymore.

* * *

6 hours later and they were on the road.

They hadn't spoken much after that morning. Neither really knew what to say to the other. But now they were driving towards New York. Maura had gotten a phone call about an hour after the conversation ended from Tom's mother explaining that Mia had been playing outside and had gotten hurt. Tom's mother had told Maura it was just a broken arm and Mia was fine, but Maura had chosen to drive up to New York anyway. She wanted to be with her daughter right now.

Jane had chosen to come along simply for Maura. After their conversation she wasn't sure she wanted to leave Maura. Not yet.

Maura sighed in the front seat, drawing Jane's attention away from her phone.

"Tired?" Jane asked simply.

The doctor just nodded.

"Do you want to stop for coffee?"

Maura shook her head. "Do you?"

"Not if you don't want to."

Maura nodded, trying to work out what exactly that meant. She gave up and just kept driving. She wanted to get to Mia as fast as she could really.

"I'm sorry Maura."

Maura's face clouded with confusion.

"About what? Asking if I wanted coffee?"

Jane laughed lightly.

"No. I meant about this morning."

Jane winced when she saw the change of emotion on Maura's face.

Maura stayed silent.

"Shit, Maura I'm sorry."

Once again Maura sat, contemplating.

"Maura? Fuck I'm sor-"

"If you apologize one more time I swear I will stop this car and you can walk to New York."

Jane tried to see what Maura's face looked like in that moment, trying to gauge what exactly Maura was feeling. She couldn't.

"Okay..."

"Look Jane, if I needed apologies don't you think I would have gone looking for them? If I needed pity wouldn't I have gotten it? If I didn't want to talk about it, I wouldn't have. If I couldn't handle you knowing, you wouldn't know. I'm not damaged, I'm not fragile. I don't need someone to apologise for asking me a question I allowed them to ask. So, don't apologize for that, okay?" This time Maura shot Jane a brief smile, trying to make sure Jane knew they were okay.

She saw Jane nod out of the corner of her eye and continued smiling as she turned a corner and pulled up outside a coffee shop just outside of New York.

"So, how about that coffee now?"

* * *

Mia's arm was wrapped in a neon green cast. Not something that Maura would have chosen, nor would she have allowed it if she had been present, but now it sat on her daughters arm for the next 8 weeks, she knew she had to at least pretend to like it.

Jane however, had a very different opinion. Jane had gone straight into things with Mia, laughing about how Mia had gotten hurt playing with a boy across the street. They had been playing soccer.

That in itself had surprised Maura. She had never known Mia to be so social, to be the girl who plays games, let alone football!

Maura had gotten a full story from Tom's mother who had also assured Maura 4 times that she would be okay to drive back to Boston and leave Mia in New York for the next week to finish with the therapist.

Maura smiled as she left Tom's mother in the kitchen and came to stand in the living room doorway, watching Jane interact with Mia.

Jane had taken a liking to Mia's cast straight away, and had already signed it in three different places and labelled Mia 'a soccer star.' To Mia's delight. Now the two of them sat talking in living room. Maura glanced briefly at the clock, knowing that would have to go home soon. The ride was a long one, both of them were tired and she knew Jane had to be up early for work the next day.

"Jane?" Maura called out softly across the room.

Jane looked up briefly, looking from Maura's face, to the clock, to Mia, to the clock and then back again. Her face visibly fell when she realised they needed to leave.

Maura smiled. It wasn't that she wanted to leave, it made her happy to know Jane wanted to stay, that Jane' got on so well with her child.

Jane stood up from the couch, Mia hanging on her arm, falling slightly as Jane walked.

"Jaaaaaaaaaane!" Mia whined as Jane got closer to Maura, playfully threatening to let Mia drop to the floor.

Jane glanced up at Maura, smirking and winked, making sure Maura at least had an idea of what game Jane was playing. Maura smiled back and almost immediately Jane tucked an arm under Mia and hoisted the little girl up and over her shoulder, earning shrieks and giggles from Mia.  
Jane laughed as she moved through the house, not letting Mia move at all, not even after Mia had kicked her in the ribs accidentally as Jane opened a door.

Maura watched the two of them play from the living room as she put her shoes on and grabbed her things. It was hard not to smile watching them, but Maura couldn't help but feel a pang of...sadness? Or guilt? Of longing? She wasn't really sure. A few years ago she pictured Tom playing with Mia, of Tom hoisting their little girl over his shoulder. But now, watching Jane do it, the picture seemed so perfect, the fit felt natural. Like Jane just knew how to be around Mia, like Jane knew what Mia needed. Jane just seemed to bring a side of Mia out that Maura had never seen, not a shy little girl anymore.

"Maura?"

Jane's voice snapped Maura out of her thoughts.

"Yeah?" She snapped her head up, to see Jane walking towards her, Mia long gone in the kitchen.

"Ready to go?"

Maura nodded, her thoughts banished to the back of her mind for later.

* * *

Goodbyes had been a simple affair at Tom's mothers. Mia had been so busy making cookies for the next day that Maura had difficulty gaining the little girls attention. After a few sticky kisses and an attempt at wiping chocolate off her dress and Jane's shirt they were on the road.

Maura chatted briefly with Jane, conversations switching often, but always staying superficial. They both tried to steer away from difficult and deep conversations, neither really in the mood.

When the conversation came to a natural lull Maura took her opportunity.

"So, since tomorrows my last day off, do you fancy coming over for dinner or something?"

Jane stayed silent for a moment, considering her next move.

"I...ah...I can't."

"Oh?" Maura asked simply.

"Yeah...I-I have a date."

If Maura noticed the slight stutter in Jane's voice she didn't let on.

"Oh?" Maura said again.

Jane tried to convince herself that the disappointment in Maura's voice was because they could have dinner, not because she was going a date. She ultimately failed.

"Yeah."

"Who with?" Maura inquired.

"Sam."

Maura noted Jane's reluctance to give information. She didn't know why, couldn't work out why. Unless it had something to do with their earlier conversations. She tried again, hoping if she asked more questions, to show she was okay, that maybe Jane would open up a bit more.

"Sam? Hmm...Have you mentioned him before? I don't recall you mentioning him. What's he like? Does he work with us?"

Jane sighed.

_No time like the present Jane. Just say it. _

Jane cleared her throat, chuckling slightly, trying to appear calm.

"She," Jane corrected. "Is great, she works in the coffee shop down the road. We've been talking a while and I just decided to ask her out the other day..."

Jane waited. She wasn't sure what to expect.

Maura kept driving, never taking her eyes off the road as Jane spoke. That was, until the words finally settled.

Maura turned to face Jane quickly.

"Wait...You're gay?!"

_Shit._

* * *

_A/N - Okay there we go - What did you think? I hope you liked it! I hated this one so I could use some feedback rn._

_Now, I have a question. I'm mid way through my first a-level year, the workload is only going to get bigger, meaning I'm going to be busier. I might be able to update once a week for three weeks and then not again for three weeks. So, I said this earlier and I'll say it again now, if you guys would prefer, I can wrap this up in a couple of chapters, then the story will be done in a few weeks, maybe by the middle of January and that's it you can all move on._

_Or, I can do this how I planned, and this story might go on for a while longer?_

_Its up to you guys? Is there still the interest in this story? Do you mind waiting between updates? Whats your opinion?  
_

_Okay - thank you for reading. Loving it or hating it, I'd love to know what you think with regards to this chapter and future ones. Thanks. I'll hopefully see you all (and maybe more of you, hint hint) in chapter 11!:')_


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N - **Sadly I did not find the rights under my tree this morning, so I own nothing except Tom and Mia. _

_I am so, so, so sorry this took so long! I can't even explain how busy I've been - forgive me? _

_No beta again on this one - mistakes are my own. I hope you enjoy this one, it has to be my favourite one._

* * *

A shocked looking Jane was all it took for Maura to realise that her reaction probably wasn't the best one. In fairness, she knew if she had been given time to process her reaction would probably have been different. She could have rationally and clearly think it over, and possibly begin to realise that in the entire friendship not once had Jane had a date, nor had she ever mentioned a man in her life other than her brothers.  
Yes, Maura knew that her 'out loud' reaction was bad, and if the situation were different she'd probably have handled it better. But, after a moment, in the awkward silence of the car Maura began to realise that shock wasn't the only thing she felt after this new information was revealed.

Relief? Excitement? Jealousy?!Maura's internal reaction worried her a little more than the now awkward tension in the car; however Jane's awkward cough and deep breath quickly drew Maura's attention.

"Um..." Jane started.

"No, Jane, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that, it wasn't fair or nice. It's just that...you caught me off guard a little there." Maura glanced quickly at Jane, smiling weakly and apologetically before turning back to the road.

Jane smiled back quickly, hoping Maura caught it.

"It's fine. You reacted better than my Ma to be fair. I sort of expected worse." Jane admitted quietly.

"Worse?" Maura questioned. Now she was confused.

"Okay, maybe not worse, but..." Jane spent a moment or so searching for the words, she just couldn't find one that fit exactly (and appropriately) how she expected Maura to react. "...differently, I guess."

"Differently how?" Maura pressed on.

Jane wrung her hands together. She already couldn't answer once, answering again? Well, this couldn't end well.

"I'm not sure I guess. Everyone reacts differently, I always expect people to respond worse than they actually do, like they aren't going to be okay with it or something." Jane internally congratulated herself for her creative response, before realising something important. Maura hadn't actually given an opinion on the situation, only a question.

"You are...okay with it...right Maur?"

If Maura's sudden reaction of turning to look at Jane with a smile didn't reassure her, the "Of course I am! If you're happy, I'm happy." Definitely did.

Jane finally relaxed back in her seat, watching Maura as she drove out of the corner of her eye. Jane noted that the blonde had a pretty cute driving face, the realization putting an even bigger smile on her face.

"So, Mia finishes up in New York in a week yeah?"

Maura inhaled quickly and turned to look at Jane briefly. Lost in her own thoughts, Jane's sudden voice in the silence had startled her briefly.

"Ah, yes. Why?"

"I was just wondering if you wanted me to come back with you to pick her up?"

"Oh, yeah sure." Maura smiled. She'd never had anyone who actually offered to give up their free time to drive to New York besides Tom before. "Actually, that'd be really wonderful Jane." Maura turned again, shooting Jane a grateful smile.

"Well, good. I look forward to it." Jane smiled back.

"Me too."

"Well, actually, I've got something else I'd like to ask you..." Jane shifted slightly in her seat.

"Oh?" Try as she might not to, Maura's mind went in a million different directions.

"I was wondering what you were doing for Christmas?"

Even Maura had to admit, out of all the million things she considered in the brief moment, she did not think about Christmas.

"Oh, I guess Mia and I are just going to spend it at home." Maura tried, but failed to keep her voice happy.

"Oh good!" Jane sat up, clearly happier, though she also clearly did not think about exactly what she had said.

"I'm sorry?" This time when Maura glanced at Jane her face was anything but happy.

"Fuck! No! Not what I meant. "Another apologetic look shot in Maura's direction. "I actually was wondering if you'd like to spend it with me?"

This got Maura's attention back, and she couldn't help the smile that slowly spread across her face. The thought that someone not only was offering to drive up to New York with her, but now wanted to spend Christmas with her? It was slowly becoming too much to believe.

"I-I would love to! But, what about your mother?" Maura couldn't help but think of Angela.

"Oh, she's going to my Aunt's. We normally spend Christmas up there, but since I've got to work I figured I'd be better staying her rather than driving up and down the country."

"Then, I would love to join you for Christmas Jane."

Maura pulled up outside Jane's place before Jane could even think how to respond without sounding stupid. Maura stopped the car, taking her hands of the wheel and placing them gently in her lap before turning to look at Jane properly.

"Thank you, Jane."

Jane looked momentarily confused.

"For inviting you to spend Christmas with me?" She tried.

Maura laughed lightly.

"No, well...yes, but not just that. For everything, for Christmas, for driving to New York with me, for being so great with everything that I've told you...I can't thank you enough."

Maura looked down her hands, slightly embarrassed. She hadn't intended to be this emotional when saying goodbye, but now what she had said was out there, she couldn't bring herself to want to take it back.

Jane, for her part, managed to cover the surprise she felt.

"Hey."

Maura waited briefly for Jane to continue, but when she didn't she looked up, meeting Jane's gaze.

"Jane?"

With a smile Jane spoke, "I wanted you to look at me, Maura, I know you've not had a lot of friends before," Jane held her breath for a second, waiting for Maura's reaction. When there wasn't one she continued. "But this is what we do. Especially Rizzoli's. We look out for our friends, given what I told you today, and how great you were about it; I think I owe you a thank you as well."

Maura opened her mouth to respond, but before she got a chance she interrupted by a ringing coming from Jane's belt.

"Shit."

Jane grabbed her phone from her jacket pocket. "Rizzoli."

Jane held a finger up to Maura briefly, signalling a quick conversation.

After a few moments and a few agreeing words from Jane, she hung up.

Jane ran her hand through her hair and placed her phone back in her pocket.

"Everything okay?" Maura asked quietly.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I've got to go to the station. Frost needs some paperwork dealing with from a cold case a couple weeks back."

"Ah..." Maura nodded.

The pair sat in silence for a few moments; neither really wanted their time together to end.

A vibration of Jane's phone again quickly put an end to the comfortable atmosphere.

"I guess I'll see you around then?" Jane smiled and opened the door before getting out.

"I'll see you around, Jane." Maura shot a warm smile in Jane direction and then watched the detectives retreating form for a few moments before turning the car on again and driving away.

* * *

The 6 weeks between then and Christmas flew by. Maura could hardly believe how quickly the time had passed. Between Mia coming home, getting her settled back and the three homicides there seemed to be such little free time for her. She regretted not seeing Jane as much as she would have liked outside of work, but that only made her look forward to Christmas even more. The pair had decided that they would spend Christmas Eve together, and then Jane would go home before coming back the next day to exchange presents and have lunch with Mia.

And, as excited as Maura was since it was now the 23rd, she realised rather early in the day that she had not gotten Jane a gift yet. Normally she was never this unorganised, but with everything going on, she just hadn't the time.

Mia's and Tom's presents were the only ones she'd had to buy for years, so suddenly buying for a whole other person was a little difficult, and therefore pushed to the bottom of the list.

Now, with one day left till presents were to be exchanged, she was running out of time and ideas.

Her only thought was tickets. Tickets for a game of some kind. It was something she could get her hands on quickly and easily. But, was it something everyone got her? Was it common to get her tickets? Would she even have time to go to all the games with her hectic and very unpredictable work schedule? Would she want extra tickets for her brothers?

A million and one questions ran through Maura's head. She sat on her couch, contemplating.

In the end though, when Mia walked in down the stairs in one of Jane's Red Sox shirts her mind was made up.

Maura smiled at her daughter briefly, watching as the little girl wandered in to the kitchen, retrieved her breakfast from the counter and came back to the living room before placing the TV remote in her hand.

Maura glanced down at the remote now in her hand, and then back at Mia.

"What do you want to watch sweetie?"

Maura and Mia had an unspoken rule. Since Maura decided when and how much TV Mia watched, and Maura usually worked the TV for Mia, the little girl gave the remote to her mother anytime she wanted to watch TV outside of her usual watching time.

An odd rule Jane had said, dictating what hours Mia could watch TV, but Maura thought it best and Mia didn't seem to mind the set up either. More often than not Mia didn't watch TV in her allowed hours anyway.

"Red Sox." Was all Mia responded with.

Maura smiled, nodded and turned on the recorded game from a while ago.

Once Mia was settled Maura smiled at her daughter, shook her head lightly, before quietly commenting "You spend too much time with Jane."

Even if she hadn't been sure what to buy Jane before, she was certain now.

* * *

36 hours later and the whole day was suddenly gone.

Christmas Eve had been a simple, but wonderful evening. Having Jane over was the right decision, Maura thought regularly through the night. The three of them had curled up on Maura's couch and watched Home Alone 1 & 2. Although the 3rd & 4th were available in the movies selection Maura had, Jane had insisted that they were awful, and that Mia was tired. So, two films in and it was just the two of them on the couch.

Jane had snuggled a little closer to Maura as the evening drew to an end, and by 11:30 pm Maura had her knee's curled into her, and her head on Jane's shoulder as she fought the desire to fall asleep there.

It was warm curled up with Jane, she was tired, and it'd been a long day. She tried multiple times to try to reason with herself as she lay there, but ultimately, she couldn't deny that she fit so comfortably with Jane, and it felt so natural. It scared her. She'd never felt that way since Tom.

In the end, it scared her too much as she Jane moved and she Jane's breath caught her neck. She gasped, the sensation catching her off guard. All together it was too much. She sat up sharply, startling Jane.

"Maura?"

"Sorry. It's getting late, I think I should go to bed, Mia will be up early for presents anyway."

Maura stood, moving to turn the TV off.

"Oh, Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Jane slipped her shoes on from the under the couch where they had been kicked. She couldn't help but be a little confused by the events. She'd been perfectly comfortable curled up with Maura. It was exactly what she imagined it would be like to cuddle up with Maura. It was what she wanted, and to have it literally taken away so quickly she couldn't quite work things out.

"Yes, definitely, about 10?" Maura asked, whilst clearing away the snacks from earlier.

"Yeah. 10 should be fine."

Maura smiled at Jane, trying not to make it to obvious that she wanted Jane to go. Well, she didn't want Jane to go, she needed time alone, to think this over, to breathe.

"Great."

Jane moved towards the door, Maura following slightly behind.

Jane swung the door open and walked out as Maura stood in the doorway. Before Maura had even a chance to say goodnight Jane spun round to face Maura.

Jane stared briefly at Maura, thinking of all the things she'd love to do with that moment. Instead of acting upon them, she leaned over, placed a gentle kiss on Maura's cheek before moving away quickly.

"Goodnight Maura!" Jane yelled quickly over her shoulder.

Maura stood stunned at the door.

She finally pulled herself in from the porch; she turned and closed the door, locking it behind her.

As she padded through the house to her room, after checking the doors and looking in on Mia she couldn't help but raise her hand to graze her cheek where Jane's lips had been, maybe 10 minutes ago.

She changed quickly for bed, trying not to think too much about it.

However, as she lay in bed, instead of thinking about why Jane had done it, or what it meant, all she could think about was the way Jane's breath had felt on her neck, and the way Jane's lips had barely touched her check, and the biggest realization hit her.

She wanted Jane to do it again.

* * *

_**A/N - **_

_A christmassy chapter uploaded an Christmas - consider it your christmas present? _

_What did you think? Was it good? Am I doing it right? I think that the pacing is okay - I'm working towards Rizzles, I promise and I hope thats more clear in this chapter?_

_Please let me know what you think - its important to me, I want to make this story the best it can be and without feedback I can't. I'm hoping to have another chapter up soon, but depending on how busy I get - idk. _

_Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to see you all (and maybe some more people, hint hint) in chapter 12._

_Hope you all had a great Christmas and I hope you all have a wonderful New Year!:) _


	12. Chapter 12

_**Disclaimer - I still didn't get the rights so nothings mine except Tom, Mia and the plot line.**_

_**A/N - **Alright, this took longer than I intended to get uploaded, I'm really, really sorry. But I hope I can make up for it with this chapter. okay, no beta again, so mistakes are my own. I hope you enjoy!:) _

_Also, I noticed that I had over 300 reviews on this fic, making it my most reviewed fic to date, beating Never Saw That Coming easily. I mean, holy crap you guys! That's amazing, and seriously if I could thank each of you individually I would, but since that would take to long, thank you! It means so much to me, Ive even started screen capping my favourite ones and printing them and putting them on my desktop as inspiration motivation and to make me feel better. Thank you guys! And now, onto the chapter..._

* * *

Sleep had not come easily; in fact she could pretty much say it was one of the worst night's sleep she'd gotten in a long time. Even with Mia's issues in the past. It wasn't like she expected to sleep well, if at all really. But it seemed she spent most of her time thinking about Jane, and then the few times she stopped thinking about Jane long enough to sleep her thoughts drifted briefly to Mia and within seconds she related them back to Jane.

When she heard Mia moving around at 7am she decided there was no point denying the little girl the chance to open her presents just for an hour more of no sleep. She knew her little girl would not go back to sleep, not now. In fairness, Maura was half glad for the distraction, the hope that she might be able to forget about what had happened, about how she had felt and perhaps just focus on her daughter for once. It being only the second Christmas without Tom, Maura still found it difficult. Last year, granted, had been harder than this year. This year, she knew what to expect. Well, with regards to Mia that was.

Within seconds Mia had padded quietly across the hallway, pushing her mother's bedroom door open as silently as she could and stuck her head through. While Maura had her eyes closed, she couldn't help but crack a smile at the thought of her daughter stood patiently by the door. As soon as Mia saw her mother smile she pushed the door further, throwing herself towards the door.

"Mommy!"

Maura opened her eyes and sat up just in time to see Mia throw herself onto the bed. She quickly leaned over the little girl who was now sprawled across the lower half of the bed, looking up towards her Mom. Maura pulled Mia further up the bed, allowing the little girl to sit on her lap briefly before pulling her in properly for a hug. Maura loved this. She adored waking up with her daughter, but she couldn't help but miss it; miss waking up with someone beside her. Her first thought was Tom, how she missed waking up beside him, but in reality she'd gotten used to waking up without him a long time ago. After a moment she shook the thought away, only to have it replaced quickly by the thought of waking up with Jane. At the sound of Mia sighing on her lap she blinked, looking down at her little girl and effectively removing the thought from her mind.

"Good morning baby girl. How are you today?" Maura smiled at her excited, yet sleepy daughter who was squirming slightly on her lap.

"I'm okay. Santa been?" Mia responded as a question, as opposed to a statement. It wasn't that Mia didn't think that Santa would have been, she just didn't assume anything. Much like her mother.

"Yes baby, shall we go downstairs?"

Mia nodded quickly before climbing off Maura's lap and rushing from the room. Maura shook her head, laughing lightly before pulling a robe from her wardrobe and heading to the kitchen. She spent a few minutes pulling things for a coffee and ensuring that she had the ingredients for breakfast. She heard Mia in the other room. The little girl was searching for something. Though what? Maura wasn't a 100% sure. If she had to guess, she'd say Mia was probably searching for the puppy. This was the second year Mia had asked Santa for a puppy. And it was going to be the second year Mia would open her presents to be disappointed. While Maura wanted to get Mia a dog, she didn't want Mia to have a dog as a present; she didn't want Mia to think of the dog as a Christmas present, but as another part of the family. Not something she could play with once and forget about, as Mia had a habit of doing. So, not this year.

Maura finished her coffee and padded to the living room, watching from the door as Mia sorted the presents under the tree into piles according to who they were addressed ; a large pile by the tree for Mia, a smaller pile by the fireplace for Maura and a single envelope on the coffee table for Jane. Maura couldn't help the smile that spread across her face at the thought of Jane being a part of their Christmas, having someone else to share this day with, other than Mia.

Maura watched Mia finish sorting the presents before spinning around and facing her mother.

"Done!" The excitement clear in Mia's slightly breathless voice and the childish giggle that followed as the little girl dropped to the floor by her present pile.

When Maura didn't immediately join her on the floor Mia turned her head, staring at her mother who now stood by the door, watching.

"Mommy?"

Mia's voice breaking Maura's thought pattern. Something Maura was grateful for.

She had thought of how wonderful it would be to have Jane around more, not just today, but more in general. She had begun thinking about how wonderful Jane was with Mia, and how Maura now got on famously with Angela. It wasn't long before Maura began to think about spending New Year's with Jane, Easter, Thanksgiving, Friday nights. She shouldn't have let her imagination run, and yet she did. It was comforting, knowing that there was someone there for her again, that she had someone to spend time with again. But a question came to mind, in what capacity did Jane spend the time? As a friend? Or...more?

* * *

10:19pm, the presents were unwrapped; Mia sat at the table drawing and Maura was working in the kitchen. That was when Jane finally showed up. She knocked briefly at the door before coming in anyway; it wasn't like she didn't normally. She walked quickly through the hallway, surprised and a little shocked that she had managed to come through the house unnoticed. She made a mental note to mention this to Maura. She had finally made it into the living room and quietly placed her gifts on the table when she heard footsteps in the room. She froze, waiting. Unsurprisingly the footsteps sped up and suddenly Jane felt two skinny arms wrap around her thighs.

"Jane!" Mia now stood looking up at Jane, a huge grin on her face.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" Jane couldn't help but grin back. To say she'd never wanted children before in her life, never seen the appeal, never really understood it, she couldn't help but feel comfortable with Mia, and really enjoy spending time with the little girl.

_Probably because it's Maura's kid. _Jane thought, quickly shaking her head when the arms loosened around her legs and one small hand worked its way into her own, pulling her in the direction of the dining room.

"Where we going short stuff?"

"I'm not short Janie. We're going to see what Santa brought me!" Jane smirked at the little girl's use of her nickname. Jane had taken to calling Mia 'short stuff' and in retaliation Mia called Jane 'Janie'. It made Jane smile; she really did like this kid.

_No point getting attached Jane. You're just going to have to get used to not seeing her eventually, she's just a friend's daughter. _Jane sighed slightly the word friend. While she was excited to spend Christmas with Maura, she had originally hoped it would be in a more than friend's capacity. Though, she supposed she had Sam for that. Not that she wanted Sam. Truth be told she didn't even like Sam that much; they'd been on a total of 6 dates since Jane had mentioned it on the way home from New York that day. Jane didn't really want anymore dates, she didn't want the first six, but then she knew she should move on from Maura. No point trying to pretend that Maura even felt remotely the same. Plus, Jane figured, she was probably not too open to the idea of seeing anyone right now.

"Jane! You're late..."

Maura's voice, even when surprising her, still made her smile.

"Maur. I know. Had an incident with Santa" Jane responded. She turned to face Maura and couldn't help the small gasp. Maura now stood in the dining room door way, hair tied back, apron on, bare foot. She had a slight smudge of chocolate underneath her left eye, on her cheekbone._ Perfect. _Jane thought.

"Anyway, hi. I didn't hear you come in?" Maura stepped further into the room, running her hand through Mia's hair as she walked closer to Jane.

"I crept in, wanted to surprise you. This one," Jane looked pointedly at Mia, who sat perched on her chair again watching the scene play out. "Found me in the living room. I was dropping off gifts that Santa must have left at the wrong house..." Jane smirked.

"Ah, I see. Well, dinner is cooking, do you want to see what Santa brought now or after lunch?"

"NOW!" Was Mia's immediate response.

Maura again ran her hand over Mia's hair.

"Shush you, we all know what you want. But, Jane is our guest; we want to know what she wants, okay?"

"Okay." Mia agreed, though a little more glumly.

Jane laughed lightly before deciding to favour the little girl.

"I think I would like to see now actually." Jane shot Maura a quick smile before both of their attention was taken by the little girl climbing down from her chair and rushing out of the room.

"You didn't have to say that you know Jane?" Maura smiled, somewhat apologetically.

"Yeah. I know. But, I don't know, I wanted to see her open her presents before I fall asleep on the sofa after dinner." Jane winked, smiled and then followed after Mia before turning around in the doorway.

"Oh, and Maur, you're going to want to hurry or all the presents will be open before you get here." She shot Maura a playful smirk before exiting. Maura simply laughed lightly, "You'd better not Rizzoli."

* * *

It was 8pm before Maura and Jane got Mia settled into bed for the night. After all the excitement of the day Mia had just not wanted to settle, but Maura knew her daughter would soon be asleep. The little girl was tired, and throughout the film Maura had glanced over to find Mia curled up with Jane, eyes drooping. Eventually as the credits rolled Maura had hoisted Mia up onto her hip and dragged the sleepy girl up the stairs, a large protest had occurred. However, once Jane had promptly come upstairs and promised a story if she went to bed Mia had basically run to bed.

Jane had chosen Snow White from the shelf, a book that she had loved as a child. She sat on the chair by Mia's bed and read through as much as she needed until Mia's eyes finally closed for good. Jane shifted in the chair, taking in the sight of a sleepy Maura in the other chair. She stood, walking over to Maura's chair.

"Maur?"

The honey blonde looked up sleepily.

"Yes?"

"She's asleep."

"Oh. Oh!" Maura stood quickly, seemingly shaking off the tired. She turned off the bedside lamp and ushered Jane out of the room before closing the door almost all the way. The pair descended the stairs softly, careful not to wake the newly sleeping girl.

"Thank you, Jane."

Maura's voice as they reached the bottom of the stairs startled Jane.

"Oh. Oh, sure. It's fine."

"Do you fancy a film then?" Maura asked, shooting Jane a smile before wandering into the living room.

They settled on the couch, having picked out a film too girly for Jane's taste, but it was one of Maura's favourites, so Jane agreed to sit through it.

* * *

Less than an hour into the film Maura stood, claiming she wanted a drink.

Maura shot Jane small smile before wandering into the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of wine.

"Beer?" Maura asked.

"What?"

"Do you want a beer Jane?" Maura asked again, more quietly.

"Ah, no. I'm good, thanks. I have to drive anyway."

"Oh. Oh yes, of course." Maura couldn't work out why it had affected her so much. She knew Jane wasn't staying. At the end of this day, she would still be alone. Still a single parent. Still without someone by her side.

Jane's voice broke into her thoughts finally.

"Maura!"

Maura snapped her head up, unsure of when her gaze had dropped.

"Are you okay?"

Maura looked at her confused, but the confusion didn't linger long as Jane strode across the kitchen in seconds, coming to stand in front of her.

Maura looked up, meeting Jane's eyes.

"You're crying." Jane stated.

"I-I-I don't know why." Maura responded. Not a lie, she really didn't. She knew all of this, it wasn't new information. She had dealt with this before, after Tom died, so why did it hurt her so much for Jane to be leaving now? If only for a few days.

"Then stop." Jane replied quietly. She moved slightly, standing ever so slightly closer to Maura before resting her hand on Maura's chin, tilting the smaller woman's face towards her own.

Hazel eyes met her gaze, filled with sadness, confusion and something Jane couldn't quite read.  
Maura felt her heart speed up. _What is she doing? Is she...is she going to...no, don't be stupid Maura, she wouldn't. _Maura didn't get chance to think much more than that as Jane leaned closer, her hand still on Maura's chin and at the last moment her other hand swept up and underneath Maura's eye, brushing a tear away from her cheek.

Even after Jane had done what she intended by wiping the tear away she found herself caught in Maura's gaze, neither wanting the break away from this moment.

Jane leant forward slightly, her breathing increasingly slightly. She tried to read Maura's face, try and work out what the honey blonde was thinking, if to go for it, or apologise and walk away. In the end she didn't get the chance to make her own decision.

"Mommy?"

Maura whipped around, breaking away from Jane's hold to face Mia on the stairs.

"Yes baby?"

Mia padded softly down the stairs and rushed into her mother's waiting arms.

"I had a bad dream."

Jane saw Maura stiffen immediately.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mia nodded, sniffling as she snuggled into Maura's neck. Maura picked Mia up, placing her on the counter and turned to grab some milk from the fridge.

"Do you want some warm milk sweetie?" Maura asked as Mia wiped her face. Mia nodded and turned to Jane, who walked over to the little girl. Jane had barely stepped in front of Mia before the little girl held out her arms for a hug. Jane froze and shot a questioning look to Maura who nodded briefly. Jane scooped the little girl up from the counter and placed her carefully on her hip. Mia tucked her head in Jane's neck before mumbling something about spiders. Jane smiled.

"What?" Maura whispered.

"Spiders." Jane responded, watching as Maura smiled. They had both feared that Mia's nightmares about her father were back. Now they both smiled in relief.

After a few moments Jane passed Mia over to Maura who wandered upstairs with her and her warm milk.

Jane lingered in the kitchen for a few moments, before thinking back over what Mia had interrupted. _Fuck Jane. Why?! Actually, it's probably a good job Mia interrupted. She's not interested like that. Jesus Jane. Fuck. I'd better go. _

As Jane turned to head from the kitchen Maura wandered back downstairs.

"Jane?"

"Yeah Maur?"

"Would you like to finish our film?"

"Oh...fuck...I'm sorry Maur, I have to work tomorrow."

"Oh, okay." Maura tried not to let the disappointment show in her voice. Instead she went into the kitchen, placing Mia's cup into the sink before meeting Jane back in the hallway.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Maura's gaze shot up, a smile on her face.

"Um...will I?"

"Work Maura?"

Maura's face visibly dropped, but a smile still remained at the thought of getting to see Jane again.

"Yes, of course. I'll see you at 9 then?"

Jane smiled and nodded before heading to the door.

Maura followed, holding the door before leaning on it as Jane walked out and onto the porch, mirroring the moment when they had first met.

Jane stood, the icy Boston wind whipping through her hair.

"Well, goodnight Maura." She looked up at the ME who stood looking down at her.

Their gaze met again, each longing the other to close the distance, but neither did.

"Goodnight, Jane."

One last glance, one last second, one last chance before they both broke away from the moment, Jane hurrying down the path to her car and Maura watching from the front door before closing the icy night outside and turning in towards her living room.

An hour later and Maura sat watching the end of the film, well, she planned to, but she didn't pay much attention. Her thoughts didn't leave Jane all night. She wasn't sure what to make of the two instances. She wanted Jane to kiss her both times, and while the idea itself was a pleasurable one, one that she enjoyed she couldn't help the guilt and the fear that ran through her at the same time.

She watched the credits roll before climbing the stairs, checking on her daughter and going through her nightly routine. Within 20 minutes she lay in bed, trying to keep her thoughts from Jane. In the end though, exhaustion won anyway and her dreams heavily featured the Detective.

* * *

_**A/N - **please don't kill me! I know, they didn't kiss. I thought about writing a kiss in this scene, but I think its a bit early, don't you? We will get there I promise, I hope you agree with me?_

_Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this, I'd love to know what you thought? Do you like how i'm doing this? Is the pacing alright? Is the whole thing okay?_

_Thanks for reading guys, I hope to see you all in chapter 13 (and maybe some new people, hint hint)_

_Oh, and if you guys fancy following me on tumblr I'm sashaalexanderr and then you know the rest of the link- I can't add a link since fanfiction hates links. _


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N - I own nothing except plot, Amelia and Sam. **  
_

_****I am so, so sorry it took me so long to update. I could list the reasons, but that seems a little pointless, it just means a longer wait before the fic. But, you guys owe this one to my perfect girlfriend and amazing best friend in Australia - they have kicked my ass into doing this. My muse was somewhere, just not here. they've been great through this month and helped me write this one. _

_No beta as per usual. Mistakes are my own. I have a feeling you guys are **really** going to enjoy this one. _

_(oh, and in case its unclear, this chapter starts in the past, with Maura and Tom. Memories or thoughts in italics, I'm sure you guys can work it out. :)_

* * *

_The candle flames flickering as Maura walked swiftly past them up the stairs. She knew this layout, she'd seen it before, she had Tom hadn't been dating long. One year maybe? That had been the night he'd asked her to move in with him. Now 3 years on, she knew this. Something was going to happen, Tom had something planned. That night she had come home to this, she had endured a stressful day at work, all she wanted to do was take a bath and fall asleep. She regretted to admit the pang of annoyance at her evening plans being ruined by the presence of Tom, but quickly shook the feeling away as she slipped of her shoes, placing them in the closet. She let the candles that littered the floor, and the heady scent of lavender and vanilla lead her to where her presence was expected. Walking into the bedroom, past the bathroom which she knew was decorated in candles and wine glasses and so much more without even looking, she found Tom hurriedly looking through drawers in their bedroom._

"_Looking for something?" Maura spoke quietly, but the playfulness in her voice was apparent, a contrast to the tranquil scene around them. _

_Tom spun immediately, "Maura! I didn't expect you to be home so soon..." his eyes darted round the room nervously, before finally settling on Maura's._

"_Oh?" She questioned, a million possibilities now racing through her mind. For a woman who didn't guess or jump to conclusions she couldn't help but be concerned, her eyes leaving Tom's and searching the room for evidence. _

"_Yeah, I thought you were going to be home at 6...its 5?" He clearly hadn't picked up on Maura's thoughts and clear unease. _

_Maura watched his eyes shift quickly to the bathroom and then back. She could hear something coming from the bathroom. _

_Within seconds Tom saw what was happening and lurched forwards to grab Maura's arm. He missed. _

_Maura moved her arm before he could catch it, turning on her heel and stalking out of the room. Within a few paces she had reached the bathroom door and she put her hand out for it, she heard Tom's intake of breath before she heard him speak again._

"_Maura, no. It's not what you think."_

_Maura scoffed._

"_It never is, is it?!" _

"_No, Maura, please. Don't open the door."_

"_Give me one good reason..."_

_Tom relaxed. At least she was listening to him. Until he realised he didn't have a good reason, not without telling Maura what was behind that door._

"_I...I can't tell you."_

"_What?!"_

_Maura spun from the door, moving her hand from the door handle. _

_She stood now, staring at Tom directly, who appeared to be smirking._

"_Why, pray tell, can you not tell me?!"_

_Tom sighed now; he couldn't think how to do this without ruining the surprise. His smirk fell when he realized Maura really was pissed. _

"_Maura, baby, I can't tell you, but if you give me some time to explain I promise it's not what you think." _

"_Don't baby me! How dare you?!"_

_She'd had enough. A long, unbelievably stressful day and this is what she had to come home too. She took a breath, waited a beat, and watched him think. She took another breath, waited another beat. Silence hung in the air. _

_Enough. She'd had enough. _

_She moved swiftly around him, heading for the stairs, ignoring the strategically placed candles, trying not the think about the chilled bottle of wine she had now spotted on the kitchen counter, tried to just find her shoes and get out._

_She heard him behind her as she pulled her shoes from the closet where she'd placed them only 10 minutes ago._

"_Maura, come on. "_

_She said nothing as she pulled her jacket from the hanger._

"_Maura, baby-"_

_He was cut off by a glare._

"_Okay, Maura, there's actually a really funny explanation for this."_

_She held up a hand. _

"_No. I'll be back for more things tomorrow."_

_With that she left._

_Done. _

_She couldn't quite believe it. _

_It was new years eve and what she planned on being a nice relaxing evening, had now turned into her sitting in a hotel room, her skirt wrinkled, no clothes and an empty, cold bed. _

_Not her idea of a good New Years Eve._

_Across town Tom had watched Maura leave._

_He had to admit it looked bad._

_Maybe he should have done this differently._

_This wasn't how it was meant to happen, wasn't how it was meant to come out._

_He pulled his phone from his jeans, scrolling to find Maura's number, before thinking better of it and sliding the phone back into his pocket._

_Instead, he quietly returned the bottle of wine to the fridge, put all the candles out and headed to the bathroom. He drained the bath, removed the wine glasses and chocolate he'd placed there earlier. _

_Finally he came to the box sitting in the corner. _

_Sitting in plain view, but easy to miss if you were pre occupied. That had been Tom's plan. He would keep Maura occupied until the right moment. _

_Except, he knew if she went in there looking for something, she'd see and then the whole thing would be ruined. _

_So he'd kept her away from the bathroom. Except now, she wasn't here. She was in some hotel somewhere, and where was he?_

_Not where he intended. _

_He glanced at the clock._

_By now he'd hoped it would be done. _

_He figured they'd be in bed now, probably celebrating. He cringed at the thought. That's what had got him into trouble in the first place. _

_By now they'd be happy. _

_But now, in reality, she wasn't with him and he had to sleep in an empty bed. The ring box on the bedside._

_By now she should be his fiancée._

* * *

New Years Eve.

Something she'd never enjoyed. A few rocky ones. Plenty spent alone. This year would be no different, or so Maura had figured.

She had hoped to spend the evening with Mia. Although, that plan hadn't worked out when the little girl had gotten stomach flu two days before and now wanted to do nothing but nibble crackers, and cuddle up with her Mommy. Or, as she had promptly done the day before, vomit all over her Mommy.

Suffice to say, this New Years Eve was not looking any different to the rest. Alone.

She could hear the Rizzoli's party in full swing next door. She had been attempting to ignore it, but it didn't look like that was possible. A Rizzoli party was not one to be ignored.

A relaxing bath had been attempted, until Mia had begun crying, and then the crying led to her losing what little dinner she had eaten all down the front of Maura's towel. So, bathes were out of the question.

A documentary had been an idea, till there was nothing she wanted to watch on.

She thought about working, until she realized she'd left her work at the station with the idea of a peaceful New Years.

So, instead she sat at her desk, attempting to shop, but desperately trying not to look out of the window at the Rizzoli party across the lawn.

Three pairs of Louboutins ordered and a half an hour later she gave up. She couldn't keep her eyes off the party. Well, if she was truthful, she couldn't keep her eyes of the kitchen window. Every so often Jane would walk by it, or wash a glass or get something in the kitchen and every time Maura would watch, silently holding her breath. Jane was in a dress, something Maura must admit she hadn't seen before.

Maura had turned at the sound of a noise in the house, taking her eyes off the window briefly, but returned to look towards the window when she heard nothing else. She really wished she hadn't.

A mixture of feelings she couldn't place raced through her.

There Jane stood, right in front of the kitchen window. She looked gorgeous. Beautiful. Amazing. She was perfect in Maura's opinion. She hadn't been watching long after she'd turned her laptop off when Jane appeared at the window. Maura watched as Jane flitted about the kitchen, grabbing things, searching through cupboards. Maura surmised that Jane couldn't find what she was looking for when the detective stood right in front of the window, leaned slightly on the island in front her, running her hands through her unusually tame curls. Maura missed the untameable ones. It was as Jane looked up that she caught Maura's eye. Maura blinked, shaking her head, embarrassed to have been caught. Jane smirked, before shooting a genuine smile her way. Jane held up her hand briefly, signalling for Maura to wait a moment.

Jane shifted to the other side of the kitchen grabbing paper and a pen. Maura watched as Jane wrote something on the paper. It was an amazing view until it happened. Sam stepped around the corner, wrapping her arms around Jane from behind. Maura blinked, shocked, but she couldn't look away. Jane turned in Sam's arms, smiling briefly at the smaller woman before Sam leaned up, capturing Jane's lips. That's when Maura looked away, her stomach lurched and she moved from the window, walking out of the office quickly. She never saw Jane look back at the office window, nor did she see the disappointed look on Jane's face when she realized Maura wasn't there anymore.

Shaking her head as she walked out of the office Maura walked to the kitchen. It was only when she passed the mirror in the hallway that she noticed the tears streaming down her face. An emotion she could not place, a feeling she could not work out, she felt sick to her stomach, hurt. She knew she shouldn't.

She'd only ever felt like this once before.

A New Years Eve a few years back. The night Tom had planned to propose. He'd kept it a secret, hiding the ring in the bathroom where he wouldn't allow Maura to go. Maura had accused him of cheating and left.

Jealousy.

The realization hit her hard.

She knew this with Jane was different, but she'd not had many, if any close female friends before. How was she supposed to know this was different? How was it meant to feel?

How had she missed this? Attraction, yes. She could notice attraction, Jane was an attractive woman, anyone could see that. But this? This was more than a platonic friendship. More than a simple attraction.

Love?

Terrifying.

The thought of it was petrifying.

It couldn't be.

Could it?

Maura was startled out of her thoughts and mild panic when a knock at the door sounded, the noise breaking the sudden silence in the house.

She moved through the house, careful in the darkness that surrounded her in the near empty house.

Opening the door she couldn't help but gasp at the sight before her.

"Jane?" A question, a statement, a plea. All in one.

"Maura." A response, an answer.

Eyes met. Silence hung in the air, neither wanted to address what had just happened, but neither could deny it. Between Jane's nervous and slightly dishevelled appearance and Maura's tear streaked face, you couldn't deny this situation.

Jane cleared her throat, the wind whipping between them, the cold biting.

Maura stepped back, allowing Jane the entrance she sought. Maura closed the door behind her, suddenly glad to be rid of the cold, she shivered.

Jane had moved through the house into the kitchen, leaving Maura to follow behind her. When Maura got into the kitchen Jane was already rooting through cupboards, earning a chuckle from Maura.

"Can I help you with something Jane?"

Jane spun.

"Oh, shit yeah. I was wondering if you had any tequila. They want margaritas over there and we're out. I'll bring you some back tomorrow, if that's okay?"

Jane smiled hopefully at Maura, who returned the smile and gestured for Jane to keep looking. As Jane searched through the cupboard Maura moved to look through the one above Jane's head. Apparently Jane didn't notice this and when she glanced up she was met by the sight of the slightly exposed midriff of Maura Isles, whose shirt had ridden up as she stretched.

Jane felt her mouth go dry and immediately straightened up, promptly hitting her head on the opened cupboard door.

"Shit!"

Maura shifted to look at Jane, who was now wincing a few inches away. She couldn't quite stifle her giggle.

Jane turned to look at Maura, shocked by the giggle her friend had allowed.

"You think this is funny Dr Isles?"

Maura laughed again, a little louder this time.

Jane couldn't help the smirk that appeared. Or the giggle that followed. And neither could really care about the helpless laughter that followed it.

It was after a few moments, when the laughter died down, and the silence began to return that Maura considered checking Jane's head.

She shifted forwards, threading her hands through Jane's hair, trying to feel for bumps, cuts or blood.

Maybe if she'd taken a second she'd have noted the shell shocked expression on Jane's face as Maura's face was inches from hers now. Jane breathed deeply, not caring about the situation anymore, she inhaled, savouring every second this closeness, trying to remind herself that Maura was not interested in that way, and that she was dating Sam. But throughout the process of reminding herself all she could think about was how she and Sam weren't exclusive and technically they weren't official and _oh god how good Maura's hands felt tangled in her hair.  
_If Maura noticed the shiver that ran through Jane's body, she didn't mention it.

Finally Maura stepped back, widening the gap by maybe an inch and untangling her hands from Jane's hair, sliding them over stiffened shoulders and returning them to her side. She willed herself to move, to step back, but she found herself caught in the gaze of hazel eyes above her.

She tried, oh how she tried.

She knew she shouldn't. She knew she should resist.

But oh, when Jane leaned down, ghosting her lips with her own, the battle was lost. Conscience vs. pleasure. Oh that battle was so over. The feel of Jane's warm breath against her lips. Suddenly the saying 'if this is what wrong feels like, I don't want to be right' made all kinds of sense.

She locked her gaze with hazel eyes once more before closing her eyes and allowing Jane to take that final leap of faith. Finally, Jane did. The detective leant down, closing that final gap, capturing Maura's lips with her own. Chaste, short and oh so sweet was the first kiss. Maura broke the kiss, opening her eyes, only to be met with reassurance and smile, so instead of moving away she moved back, leaning upwards and found Jane's lips with her own. Unlike the first kiss, this one was more. More passionate, more heated, more everything. Maura thread her fingers through Jane's hair again and felt the detective smile into the kiss, before noting that the detective was slowly walk her backwards till her back hit the counter. Maura broke the kiss briefly to giggle, breathing in one final time before going back in.

* * *

**_A/N - _**_Did I make up for the month long break?;) _

_Opinions would be truly appreciated for this chapter. Did you like it? Did I do their first kiss justice? Or totally screw it up? _

_(Side note, I ended up with a really smutty one shot from this, I got a little carried away with their first kiss. Would anyone even be interested if I posted that?)_

_Otherwise, I hope to see you all in the next chapter and hopefully (hint hint) some new people. Alright guys, hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading. See you in chapterr 14!_


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N - **Whats this?! A new chapter?! Only two days later?! Try not to get excited. Its a one off. I had an amazing weekend, a free evening and some creativeness. Thus, this chapter happened. I can't decide if i like it or not, but here it is._

_No beta, mistakes are my own. Although, I would like to address the guest who reviewed on the last chapter. Yes, there are mistakes. Yes, sometimes I miss them. It happens, and to be fair, the guest is the only person who has ever commented on my mistakes. I have to admit, I thought I was quite adept at seeing my mistakes. So, do my mistakes bother you all? Are there many? Also, they suggested a beta. If my mistakes are that awful and they bother that many people, I will consider a beta. However, at this point, being a beta myself, I do not think I need a beta. Also, with a beta comes delays. When I finish a chapter it is uploaded within 20 minutes of finish. With a beta it could be a week or more. Think about that._

_Okay, I hope you guys enjoy. Non italics in the first section are thoughts. Double line is to show the change between past and present._

_Final note and then I'm done, kudos to those who pick up on the Grey's character and the Grey's reference that I like to remember. I liked that line. _

* * *

_**Step 1: Step back.**_

_**Step 2: Breathe.**_

_**Step 3: Reassess the situation. **_

_**Step 4: Think.**_

_**Step optional: Repeat if needed.**_

_**Step 5: Act as appropriately decided.**_

Maura Isles had lived her life by these rules. Whenever a situation got difficult or she didn't know how to handle it, this is what she did. It had worked well for her in the past.

* * *

_**Step 1: Step back.**_

_She had left the house, grateful her overnight bag was still in the car. Driven to the hotel on auto-pilot. She had stayed there often when visiting Boston. It was nice, simple. A good place to reflect. It gave Maura the opportunity to get away without really getting away. A chance to just step back, observe things from a distance without being too far away. Gave her the opportunity to view the situation differently. _

_**Step 2: Breathe.**_

"_Breathe Maura; did you actually see another woman at the house?" Addison spoke softly through the phone. _

_Maura paused. Realized. _

"_...no."_

_The intake of breath which turned quickly into a sigh was all Maura needed to hear._

"_Fuck."_

"_Maura!" Addison admonished teasingly, though both parties could hear the slightly serious undertone._

"_Not now Addie. I really screwed this up didn't I? I just assumed..."_

"_Did you give him time to explain?"_

_This time Maura sighed. She'd always been hot headed. A trait that often served her well with the passion she could channel into her work, but a trait that unfortunately, did not always work well for her. _

"_...no." Maura admittedly weakly._

"_Oh Maura."_

"_I know."_

_Addison held her breath for a second, thinking her next words through._

"_I think you know what you need to do here Maur."_

_Maura bit her lip before inhaling deeply, trying to draw up courage she didn't have._

"_I have to go talk to him don't I?"_

"_Mhmm." Addison replied softly. "I think its best. Hear him out."_

"_I suppose so. Thank you Addison."_

"_My pleasure. You know I'm here for you."_

"_I do. Alright, I'll see you around?" _

"_That you will. Oh, and Maura?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Just...hear him out. People make mistakes; even if he did...you know...people make mistakes. Just because he did a bad thing doesn't make him a bad person."_

_The next sound Maura heard was the click of the phone. _

_**Step 3: Reassess the situation. **_

_The shower gave her chance to think this through. She knew Addison was right. She knew what she had to do. It was only fair to go back and hear Tom out, in fairness; she hadn't actually seen another woman in the house._

_But..._

_No. _

_But...what if there was?_

_No Maura. _

_She couldn't think like that. Could she? _

_Maura shook her head, turning the water off quickly. She reassessed one more time. She hadn't _actually _seen anything. _

_Mind made up she slipped a towel around herself and padded out of the bathroom. _

_**Step 4: Think.**_

_How to this. How to act. How to apologize. _

_Maura paced as she thought the plan through. She knew the best idea would be to go back, apologize for acting so quickly, offer to hear him out. She should have thought in the first place. Really it was her fault for leaving so quickly. She at least owed him the chance to explain...right?_

_**Step 5: Act as appropriately decided.**_

_Dressing quickly, Maura made up her mind. She dried her hair before dressing in her now wrinkled dress from work. She removed the stray bit of eyeliner her shower hadn't washed away and tried briefly to tame her now wild hair. Her shoes slipped back on and coat over her arm; she finished packing her overnight bag and slipped silently out of the hotel room and down to the lobby. _

_The drive home had been quick, though panic filled. Multiple times she had considered going back, whether or not to do this, fear of that woman still being at the house, fear of what actually might have happened earlier on. _

_Suddenly she found herself outside their house. The lights were all off. Should she be surprised? She walked up to the house, tried the door, to her surprise, it was locked. She dug through her coat pockets trying to find her keys when the door in front of her clicked and swung open. _

_A tired and tearful looking Tom stood before her._

Shit. _That was not what she expected on the other side of the door._

**Step 5: Act as appropriately decided.**

You can do this Maura. Remember the rules.

* * *

Lost in the kiss neither of them heard it. Of course they didn't. Neither of them were listening for the front door, neither would pay attention to the sound of heels in the house. But the sound of the bottle smashing on the floor? Well, no one could miss that.

Jane sprang back, basically pushing Maura away. Maura immediately missed the contact, but upon turning to the source of the noise, the loss of contact didn't seem very important anymore.

"Sam?" Jane was the first to talk. Although it probably wasn't warranted. Sam was already half way out the house by the time Jane spoke.

But, to Maura's surprise, Sam spun on the spot, staring towards Jane.

"What Jane?!" Her voice was sharp, unshed tears apparent.

"I..."

Sam scoffed.

"Exactly Jane. Don't even bother trying to explain. I don't want to hear it."

"Sam-"

She was cut off by a glare.

"Okay, Sam, there's actually a good-"

She held up a hand.

"No. I'll be back for my things from your place tomorrow."

With that she left.

Done.

Maura couldn't quite believe it. She stood in her kitchen, watching as Jane stood silently in the hallway. The place was different, the people involved different, those hurt were not her and Tom, but the scene, the day, the fight, the sudden loss? It was the same. And it was frightening to see what happened when it was true. What happened when the significant other had actually cheated. Maura cupped her hand over her mouth to stifle the gasp as Jane turned around, her face an expressionless mask, but there were still tears in her eyes.

Maura had not planned this; she didn't know what to do. Her mind raced, panic filled her, the air seemed to thin around her, the tension mounting.

This wasn't right.

This wasn't how things were meant to go.

This wasn't meant to happen.

She wasn't meant to fall for Jane, she wasn't meant to kiss her, she wasn't even sure what this meant. How was she supposed to respond? Was Jane going to leave Sam for her? Did she even want that? Did anyone want that?

Jane's hand on her arm snapped her out of her thoughts. She flicked her head up to look at Jane, only now getting to see the state Jane was in.

She looked...happy.

Maura turned away, her stomach lurched. She broke away from Jane, crossing the kitchen. She couldn't be near Jane right now.

"Maura?" Jane's voice was full of concern.

Maura nodded, but didn't quite trust her voice.

"Maura, are you okay?"

Maura shook her head this time.

Jane took one look at Maura and the tears beginning to form in her eyes and stepped across the kitchen quickly.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry, I-" She stopped when Maura flinched as she placed her hand on the blondes back.

Maura shifted uncomfortably.

"Maura?"

Maura finally looked up, her eyes glassy.

"Jane."

Jane nodded slightly.

"I think you should go."

_Oh. _Jane thought.

Her stomach dropped, the forgotten tears stung her eyes, she felt a lump in the back of her throat, she couldn't quite move.

"oh." She responded.

"Oh." She said again, a little louder.

"Oh!" she said a final time.

"What, you kiss me in your kitchen, make me cheat on Sam for you, and then what, ask me to leave?!" Jane's voice was loud, bitter.

Maura stayed silent.

"Is that what you wanted?!"

Nothing from Maura.

"Actually Maura, what do you want?! Because, you responded so badly to Sam in the first place and you're not even gay for fucks sake!" Jane was nearly yelling.

Maura simply sniffled.

"You know what Maura, fuck you." Jane spat before grabbing the bottle of tequila from the counter and stepping over the bottle of wine Sam had dropped on her way in.

Maura heard the front door slam behind Jane, and only then did she let herself cry.

She leaned back against the counter, slowly lowering herself to the ground as the tears fell.

Was this what she wanted? Was Jane what she wanted? She knew this day would come. Logically, the day she moved on from Tom was bound to happen. She would always love him, but she knew she would move on. But to Jane? Was that what she wanted? She wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of anything right now.

She sniffled, the tears starting to slow and she wiped a few more away.

She picked herself up from the floor, eyeing the mess on the floor beside the door. She looked at it before turning away.

Granted, she didn't want to deal with it in the morning, but she really, really didn't want to deal with it now.

All she wanted was a warm bath, her daughter and...Jane.

_Damn it Maura. _

Of course. Even when she was hurt, even when she was confused and lost, she wanted Jane. But...Jane had left...so, what now?

She didn't know. She shook her head, passing the hallway where Jane had stood not half an hour ago, the foot print from Jane's shoe still smudged on the floor. No matter how many times she had told Jane to take her shoes off when coming in the house, she never did.

The memory made her smile briefly, before it simply stung again.

_Damn it Maura. You really screwed this one up again._

She moved through the house, turning off the lights throughout the house before climbing the stairs quietly. She washed off her face, the tears having dried on her face now. She pulled clean pj's from the drawer and slipped them in.

Her bed suddenly looked uncomfortable, and more than anything, it looked lonely. A cough from next door and her mind was made up.

Maura slipped into her daughter's room and moved to the bed. Mia lay on one side, her sheets thrown away from her, but the cold chill in the room was apparent as her daughter shivered in her sleep. Maura smiled and pulled the sheets up over Mia.

Finally she moved to the chair on the other side of the room and sat down before unlocking her phone which she had placed in her pyjama pocket.

She pulled up a new message and typed quickly.

_Addie?_

_I did it again. _

A few minutes passed before a text came back.

_You know your own rules Maur. I'm always here if you need to talk. _

Maura smiled a weak smile.

Of course she knew her own rules.

_**Step 1: Step back.**_

_**Step 2: Breathe.**_

_**Step 3: Reassess the situation. **_

_**Step 4: Think.**_

_**Step optional: Repeat if needed.**_

_**Step 5: Act as appropriately decided**__**.**_

* * *

A small poke in the arm brought Maura back to consciousness, her eyes shot open to see Mia stood in front of her.

"Mia, baby, is everything okay?"

Mia shook her head.

"You said Jane's name when you were sleep."

Maura sighed.

_Damn it._

"Oh, did I? Oh I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Mia nodded before holding her hand out.

Maura was confused before Mia laced their fingers together and pulled her mother from the chair and pulled her across the room. Mia climbed into bed before pulling Maura down with her.

"Sleep here tonight Mommy?" Mia said sleepily.

Maura smiled weakly.

"Of course sweetie." She curled up with Mia's head on her chest and listened for a few moments as the little girls breathing evened out.

Eventually once Maura knew Mia was asleep she allowed herself to think freely. Her own rules bounced around her head, each one contradicting the other, each one clashing with a memory or a feeling, each one blending into the other, each one a jumbled mess.

The chime of the clock pulled her back to reality, it struck 12.

12 chimes, one after the other.

Happy New Year.

_Ha. _Maura thought.

_A New Year maybe. Happy? Not so much._

She'd spent a lot of New Years alone. She'd spent a lot alone with Mia, a lot alone without Tom, without family.

But this one. This New Year, this midnight.

This one seemed to hurt the most.

And she had no idea how to make it stop.

* * *

_**A/N - **_

_Okay, thats the end of the holiday themed chapters. I don't honestly know when the next chapter will be up. But, feedback on this one would be appreciated. No matter good or bad, or the form it comes in. I know this isnt a fluffy chapter, and you're probably going to all hate me for it, but really, this is not a fluffy fic and its not going to be all rainbows. We'll get there, don't worry. I promised rizzles and we'll get there, all I can ask is that you guys stay around for it. :) _

_I hope to see you all in the next chapter:) _

_(Side note, I think I hate this chapter. Was it bad?) _


	15. Chapter 15

_**A/N - disclaimer - I don't own anything except Amelia, Tom and plot line. **_

_**(This A/N is long, but I'd appreciate if you'd read it.) **_

_I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to leave it this long, I really didn't. I didn't even realise how long it had been. I've been so busy, I can't even begin to explain how busy I've been over this past month. Between interviewing for and getting my first job, juggling my school life, my school work, my job with its training, finding time to see my girlfriend, exam results and so much more something had to be pushed away, and unfortunately, it was this._

_However, you guys have three people to thank for this chapter. My dedications to them, I owe them this much.__The first being Tam, my best friend even though she lives a million miles away. She's been my best friend through all of this even though I've barely had chance to speak more than 10 words to her. this, is my apology and my present. I'm sorry Tam, I will make time, I promise._

_The second person is my Maura, my girlfriend Ella. She's been there through everything I've thrown at her this past month, even when I had to cancel my train tickets because I was sick. She's been amazing and helping my deal has helped me write this. _

_the third being Jo. she kicks my ass everytime I'm writing and its not One Year. _

_So, to everyone reading this (and especially you Jo) you finally got your chapter. Thanks for hanging in there guys! (And for dealing with my abnormally long A/N's...idek) _

_Mistakes are my own, I hope you enjoy. _

* * *

_**Step 1: Step back.**_

_**Step 2: Breathe.**_

_**Step 3: Reassess the situation. **_

_**Step 4: Think.**_

_**Step optional: Repeat if needed.**_

_**Step 5: Act as appropriately decided.**_

Fear.

Maura Isles could recite the dictionary definition of fear in a heartbeat. She could reel off symptom after symptom that people may or may not encounter in a situation of fear. She could explain the body's natural reaction, of flight or fight responses. She could explain how the brain processed fear, how it shut down certain things, sent adrenaline racing through your body in preparation for flight or fight. Fear and the human body's response to fear was something Maura Isles could write essays on, describe, prescribe, treat, and understand. But one thing she could not do was cope with it.

Fear had been a constant companion throughout her life, along with her social anxiety and loneliness; fear had been by her side for as long as she could remember. Whispering in her ear as she spotted the man across the road looking a little shiftily towards her, screaming at her as she crossed the road a little too close to that car, throwing itself into every thought and every word as she signed medical form after medical form for Tom, carving itself into the wooden frames of Amelia's cot. Fear had been there throughout Maura's life, but not once had she learnt quite how to deal with it.

Now, as she lay with Mia's head on her chest, the door bell ringing downstairs, fear was evident in her slightly uneven breathing. Every time she thought whoever was at the door would leave, the doorbell rang again. As Mia shifted in her sleep and consciousness threatened the quiet room Maura decided enough was enough. She slipped from Mia's tight hold, barely managing not to disturb the little girl and moved quietly from the room.

She padded softly downstairs, ignoring the creaking 4th stair and smiled as she got the bottom of the stairs seemingly silent. She knew who as at the door, or at least, she had a pretty good idea who at the door. It had to be Jane, or Sam. Neither of which she wanted to deal with right now.

Maura moved quietly throughout the house, sighing at the mess on the floor from the bottle Sam had dropped.

_I knew I should have cleaned that up last night. _

Maura moved to do it then, but another ring of the doorbell reminded her of her task. It took her a few moments to successfully creep towards the curtain in the living room. She pulled it aside briefly, looking towards the front door. To say she was surprised at what she saw was an understatement. She closed her mouth, moved away from the curtain and moved more happily towards the door this time. Within seconds she threw the door open and stared wide eyed at the red head in front of her, disbelief clear on her face.

The woman in the door way stood stock still, staring back at Maura before removing her sunglasses before speaking.

"So, I travel just under 3000 miles and then I have to spend 20 minutes ringing your doorbell! Honestly Maura, I would have expected better than that from a daughter of Constance Isles." The redhead playfully chastised before sweeping by Maura and gracefully into the hallway behind her.

Maura stood for a moment more staring at the space her friend had just been occupying before attempting to regain composure. A few minutes later once that had been achieved Maura finally moved into the kitchen where the redhead was now preparing coffee.

"Alright there Maura? Look like you've seen a ghost." The red head smirked.

Maura waited a beat before finally speaking for the first time in hours.

"What are you doing here Addie?"

* * *

Fear. Jane Rizzoli faced it every single day of her life. It had been there as long as she could remember. Fear of exclusion from school, fear of her parents divorcing, fear of her parent's reaction to her sexuality, then fear of not getting accepted into Police school and then the daily fear of getting shot or stabbed. It was there every day, sitting on the sidelines, waiting for her to give into the fear and cave. But one thing the constant fear taught her was never to give in, always keep going, fight like hell and it goes. Jane's fight or flight response had always been a fight response. Always.

Well, until now.

Within seconds she was out of Maura's house, her head spinning. The party was still going on at her mother's house; she could see Angela stood by the window. The party was still in full swing, her relatives drunkenly laughing and so apparently unaware of what else was going on in the world around them.

Jane stood watching for a moment, they all looked so happy, she wished for a moment she had stayed, not gone to Maura's house. The memory finally caused her to move from her spot between the two houses.

It didn't take her long to get home, she might have run a few red lights, but how important was that in the midst of things. Getting drunk didn't take long; she was already a little further over the limit than she should have been. Still, it hadn't helped like she wanted.

Now she just sat by the toilet regretting everything. Though, in reflection she couldn't work out what she regretted more.

The large amount of shots followed by beer to help her sleep, or the fact that she was still pretty certain she could taste Maura's lip balm on her lips. (Or that she replayed the kiss over and over again in her mind, but that wasn't exactly going to be admitted anytime soon.)

Currently it was the alcohol, especially the alcohol that was currently attempting to bring its way back to the surface. But, in between nauseous lurches to the bathroom she couldn't help but remember the kiss, remember the words she'd thrown at Maura and especially the way she'd run out of there after everything.

The one time she'd run. She'd been a coward. She'd run from the woman she wanted even after getting something she wanted. Why? She couldn't work out.

A couple of hours later, after the nauseous lurches to the bathroom had finally finished (and the half a bottle of Pepto Bismol that Maura had left one time had been drank) Jane was finally up and on her way to the Dirty Robber. Granted, the thought of alcohol right now made her stomach lurch and her head spin but she needed this. Frankie had agreed to meet her there in 20 minutes after Jane had somehow drunkenly texted him at 3am. What she'd written she couldn't understand but when Frankie rang at the crack of dawn to see if she was okay she couldn't say she was. So, a meeting had been arranged and now she was panicking en route to the bar.

Finally once she arrived it didn't take long for her to find her usual table and a ginger ale to be placed in front of her.

"Jane?"

Jane spun in her seat, a decision she immediately regretted but there stood Frankie.

"Alright, I'm here like I agreed. What's up, Frankie?"

* * *

Three walks round the park, 5 questions about why they couldn't have a dog, one ice pop and a sleepy little girl on her shoulder Maura's story was done. She and Addie had attempted to discuss this over coffee but an energy filled Mia had bounced around the house until finally they had taken pity on her and headed to the park.

"So, why exactly can't you be with her again?" Addie spoke softly, trying her best not to wake Mia.

The question caught Maura off guard, one question she hadn't actually considered.

There were a million responses running through her head, but each one sounded as ridiculous as the rest. Granted Sam was a reason, but after last night she figured that Sam maybe wasn't as much as a reason now. Fear was a reason, crippling self doubt and social anxiety was a reason. Questions on her sexuality were reasons. The longing for Tom was a reason. Uncertainty of her feelings for Jane...well that was the big one. The worst one. The one that stopped her. But for some reason she couldn't bring herself to say it. It sounded...teenage. It sounded pathetic. At least to her.

"Maura?" Addie's voice brought her back to reality.

"Yeah?" Maura cringed, her voice giving away her panic.

Addie stopped walking, moving to stand in front of her best friend and her daughter.

"Maura..." Addie spoke softly. "Do you remember a conversation we had a little while ago? One where we discussed your boyfriend cheating on you?"

Maura nodded, the confusion evident on her face.

"Do you remember what I told you then?"

Maura thought back briefly.

"_Breathe Maura; did you actually see another woman at the house?" Addison spoke softly through the phone. _

_Maura paused. Realized. _

"_...no."_

_The intake of breath which turned quickly into a sigh was all Maura needed to hear._

"_Fuck."_

"_Maura!" Addison admonished teasingly, though both parties could hear the slightly serious undertone._

"_Not now Addie. I really screwed this up didn't I? I just assumed..."_

"_Did you give him time to explain?"_

_This time Maura sighed. She'd always been hot headed. A trait that often served her well with the passion she could channel into her work, but a trait that unfortunately, did not always work well for her. _

"_...no." Maura admittedly weakly._

"_Oh Maura."_

"_I know."_

_Addison held her breath for a second, thinking her next words through._

"_I think you know what you need to do here Maur."_

_Maura bit her lip before inhaling deeply, trying to draw up courage she didn't have._

"_I have to go talk to him don't I?"_

"_Mhmm." Addison replied softly. "I think its best. Hear him out."_

"_I suppose so. Thank you Addison."_

"_My pleasure. You know I'm here for you."_

"_I do. Alright, I'll see you around?" _

"_That you will. Oh, and Maura?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Just...hear him out. People make mistakes; even if he did...you know...people make mistakes. Just because he did a bad thing doesn't make him a bad person."_

"I remember, but what about it?" Maura spoke slowly, still not understanding where Addie was going with this.

"Do you remember what I asked you?"

Maura paused a moment, thinking the conversation over, playing it again and again until finally it clicked.

"I have to go and talk to her don't I?"

Addie nodded before taking the sleepy child from her friend's hip.

Maura stood dumbly for a moment before speaking. "What do I say?"

Addie smiled. "Just hear her out, get her side of things. Something happened, communication throughout the situation didn't, and it's led to panic, confusion and hurt. Do what you did in the situation with Tom and hopefully things will start to work out. Just, hear her out. Okay?"

Maura nodded, she took one last look at her friend and daughter before turning.

"Oh, and Maur?"

Maura looked over her shoulder one last time before turning the corner to Jane's place.

"Just because someone did a bad thing doesn't make them a bad person."

Maura shot her friend a grateful smile before rushing off to Jane's.

* * *

Three hours Maura sat on Jane's front steps. She had attempted to gain access, but since Jane wasn't in, it didn't look like it was happening.

It had started raining 2 hours ago. The thought of leaving was not one she really considered, she wanted to do this right now and she definitely didn't want to miss Jane.

Finally though, Maura saw Jane pull into the car park behind her place. A few minutes later Jane herself rounded the corner. Maura stood; she couldn't help her smile at the woman before her.

"Maura?" Jane questioned.

"Jane." Maura responded.

"What are you doing here?" Jane's tone quickly had become angry and accusing.

"I...I think we should talk Jane..." Maura spoke hesitantly, following Jane as she opened the door to her place. Jane moved inside, leaving Maura on the stairs.

Jane stood in the door, looking at Maura, deciding. She so badly wanted to scream at Maura, to yell, to be angry or to fight. She wanted to feel anything except what she did. Because, while she wanted to pissed, all she actually wanted was to pull Maura in from the rain and press her against the door and kiss her until she was breathless and this wasn't so confusing anymore.

Except, she knew she couldn't do that.

Maura moved a step forward, Jane moved back.

"Jane?" Maura said meekly. Jane's reaction was terrifying her.

"Maura." Jane spoke roughly, her voice supposed to be angry but both of them could tell she wasn't.

Maura stepped forward again.

"Stop that." Jane spoke again.

"Stop what?" Maura questioned.

"Coming closer." Jane replied shortly.

"Why?" Maura tried keep her voice even, but this situation was confusing, there should be yelling or fighting.

"Because."

"Because what, Jane?" Maura tried again.

"Because I said so." Jane responded flatly.

"That's not a real reason, Jane." Maura replied playfully. "Why not?"

Maura could see Jane getting worked up by it; she knew if she pushed again, maybe twice it would all be over.

"Fucks sake Maura."

"That's not a reason either." Maura took one more step forward, moving herself into the hallway. Jane hadn't stepped back again.

"What's your reason Jane?" Maura basically purred.

Jane knew it was wrong; this wasn't how this was meant to go down. There were questions to be asked, things to be yelled, accusations to be made, confessions and feelings to be revealed. But no, this wasn't supposed to happen like this, and yet it was.

"Because," Jane's voice dropping to a whisper as she eyed Maura's lips so close to hers. "Because I can't deal with you when you're this close."

One more and Maura knew she'd win. She'd get Jane talking.

"Why Jane?"

"Because I'll do this..."

Seconds, mere seconds between that and the moment Jane felt her lips connect with Maura's.

That was all the chance Jane gave Maura.

Seconds, mere seconds between the moment Jane felt her lips connect with Maura's and the moment she realized what she had done.

Fear.

Fear raced through both their bodies, screaming in their ears that this was wrong, that this wasn't how things were meant to go.

Fear.

Fight or flight.

Stay, make this work.

Or run.

And as Jane felt Maura's tongue trace her lower lip she knew.

She knew her response; she knew how to handle this fear.

So, she did.

* * *

_**A/N - **It wouldn't be One Year without a cliffhanger;) _

_Alright guys, I'm not sure if I did justice to this, I've recently been reading a lot more so I can't help but think my writing style has changed. Has it? Is it for the best? Or do you not like it? _

_I wasn't sure if to have them scream and fight, but they already did that and I was picking between two story arcs and this is the one I chose. Did you like it? Did I do it justice? Opinions would be greatly appreciated. _

_Also, love to you all for over 400 reviews, over 300 follows and over 100 favourites. I've never been more shocked and amazed. Thanks for everything guys. _

_And as always, I hope to see you all, and maybe some more of you (hint hint) in chapter 16:) _


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N - **I don't own anything except Mia, Tom and the plot line. _

* * *

_And I'm back, apologies for it taking so long for me to update. Unfortunately between trying to work a LDR with work and school my time has been very, very limited recently. As you guys will know, that means something has to fall to the back. This is it. However, this chapter stands at 3351 words with my A/N so its my longest chapter for this fic, and my longest chapter I've ever written for anything so I hope that will make up for some of the time I was gone. Okay, I'll quit rambling now. Mistakes are my own, I hope you enjoy the chapter. _

_Oh, and to my best friend Tam, I hope you like your reference. It makes me smile when you say it, so I thought I'd include it. _

* * *

Jane's tongue traced her lower lip and she knew. She knew how she should deal with this situation. She knew how she should react; she knew how this meeting should have played out. But for some reason it wasn't. It wasn't happening how it was supposed to.

Maura knew she shouldn't allow this kiss to continue, she should pull back, and they should talk this out like adults. Except, Jane traced her lower lip again and she was done. She allowed Jane in, deepening the kiss as she felt her back hit the wall behind her. Jane's arm barely catching the back of her head so she didn't hit it on a corner of something.

She knew this wasn't the best way to solve the problems, and the combination of different feelings and emotions that threatened tears in her eyes and weakened her knees remind Maura that this _really _shouldn't be happening.

And then Jane sighed, pulling away slightly and Maura caught sight of the glitter in Jane's eyes, her own lipstick smudged across Jane's mouth, Jane's curls a mess from where her hands had run through them and suddenly the last thing she wanted was for this to stop. So, instead of thinking rationally, for once she allowed it to continue. Maura surged forward, claiming Jane's lips once again and allowed herself to be pulled away from the entrance way and back into Jane's apartment.

She allowed the door to be closed behind her, and hands to find themselves suddenly more at home beneath articles of clothing. She allowed Jane's apartment door to be closed behind her, and more than once did she allow herself to be pushed against more than one surface as the kisses began to grow more passionate and the embrace hotter.

But, finally, something clicked. The fear that had originally been there, and that had momentarily gone was back as soon as Jane made a few slight adjustments. The feeling of familiarity was back, the warm breath tickling her neck and strong hands reached behind her, pulling her shirt up.

That's when she finally pulled back. Because that was too much. That was too much like him, like Tom. He'd done that so often, favouring her neck when he pulled her shirt off because she'd mentioned it before.

It was too much, too soon, too hot, too confusing.

Within seconds she was gone. Shirt pulled down, hair smoothed and door slammed behind her, Maura fled from the apartment. She tripped down a stair in her haste, her mind still reeling from what had happened. She moved swiftly by the door frame and wall Jane had pressed her against only 10 minutes or so ago. She rushed a little more carefully down the stairs where she had teased Jane, and waited for her. Finally she got out onto the street, the rain slamming down upon her. She was grateful of the rain now; it felt refreshing on her now hot skin. The raindrops taking the place of where Jane's scalding touch had so recently been a crushing contrast.

And the worst part about this, Maura realised when she was almost home, she didn't feel any better for walking away. She didn't feel better for having gotten out of there when things got too much, she didn't feel better for doing what she did. In reality, she just felt worse. Jane's touch still burned her skin; she could still taste Jane in her mouth, Jane's vanilla chapstick still smudged on her lower lip.

Maura let herself in, not surprised that she could her Addison and Amelia in the play room above her. She slipped her shoes off and placed them in the downstairs coat closet before making her way to the master bath. She paused briefly at the playroom door but didn't stay too long. She didn't want to face Addison right now, she didn't want the questions. She headed on towards her bedroom, discarding clothing as she walked though the room, placing her phone on the bedside table before pulling towels from the cupboard to place on the towel warmer. She turned the heat up high, her assumptions being that the hot water would her warm up, clear her mind and help her wash off the feel of Jane's touch. Except, once she finally stepped into the shower, and her hair was washed, her body scrubbed and rinsed a number of times, was that she didn't want to get rid of Jane's touch. She wanted more. She didn't want to remove the taste of Jane from her mouth; she wanted to taste her again. Except, if came with consequences of familiarity of Tom's touch. And of course, one thought of Tom and the crushing guilt was back. Not an unfamiliar feeling, but certainly unwanted.

And that combination, the mixture of want for Jane, guilt for Tom, it left her a mess. And fortunately for her, even if Addison did hear her come in, or did her the shower, Addie would never hear the sound of her sobbing over the shower.

* * *

Jane registered Maura stiffen when her lips brushed the blonde's neck but put it down to nerves. She felt Maura pull away slightly when her hands brushed under Maura's shirt, tugging it slightly. That's when Jane knew something was wrong. That's when she knew a line had been crossed. And she was more than a little pissed off with herself about it.

She knew from the moment she had kissed Maura in her kitchen that she was wrong and that the way this situation was being handled wasn't right. But she couldn't stop. She couldn't stop herself from wanting Maura, and when Maura was right there, dripping went from the rain and teasing her? Well no way was she stopping herself then. So she lunged forward, kissing Maura like she had wanted to from the first day she met her. Kissing her like she imagined when she kissed Sam. Kissing her like all her dreams. She got what she wanted. And the fact that Maura wasn't pulling away or stopping? That was just bonus. And then when Maura initiated a kiss, tangling her hands in her hair? Jane was never stopping again if it meant giving this up.

Except she more than regretted that now. Now she stood in her kitchen, shaking with a combination of fear, shock, anger and regret. The fact that Maura's wet through body had been pressed up against hers in more than one way, more than once and had now left wet patches across her body didn't help.

Jane watched as the door slammed behind Maura, listening to the sound of heels on the stairs as Maura rushed away. She heard what sounded like Maura stumbling but Jane heard Maura regain herself and eventually Jane lost the sound of Maura in the sound of traffic and movement in her building. But what she didn't miss was a now sullen looking Maura walking away from the building. Jane watched for a moment as Maura headed in the direction of her house, flicking her hair over her shoulder and wiping rain or tears from her face. She though briefly about going after her, but in reality, that idea was probably worse than the one she'd had only 20 minutes ago when she pushed the blonde against a wall.

So, once Maura had disappeared from view Jane headed towards her room to change. Her shirt finding its way to the floor and her jeans soon thrown haphazardly across the bottom of her bed and half on the floor. She didn't have time to fold them and put the anywhere. They were just going to end up in the wash later that night or the next day. Instead Jane pulled dry clothes from her drawers and headed towards the kitchen again.

It was a little early to start drinking, a little late to go after Maura, Jane realised as she wandered through the kitchen towards the fridge. Instead she pulled a bottle of coke from the fridge and headed to the TV. She flicked through several channels before resigning herself to the fact that there was nothing on.

Jane sat for a little while, channel hopping a bit longer before she heard her phone buzz on the counter. She looked up, half excited, half terrified. She heard it buzz again half a second later indicating a phone call, however as she rose to get it she considered what it might be.

If it was Maura, like she assumed it was, then really her best move would be to answer the call. _Unless, _Jane thought, _unless she's calling to yell at me. Or if she never wants to see me again, if I've crossed a line. If..._She thought for a minute longer, listening as her phone buzzed to itself on the kitchen counter. She moved an inch, as if considering going to get the phone but in the end, when it finally stopped buzzing she finally turned and headed back towards the living room where her coke awaited her.

A few minutes later and her phone buzzed again. Once again it was ignored. Again it rang. Again it was ignored.

Finally, the fourth phone call in 10 minutes arrived and Jane picked herself up off the couch and into the kitchen, fed up now she reached over and grabbed the phone, and didn't even bother looking at the caller ID. She was pretty certain she knew who it was anyway. Who else would call that many times in a row?

"What?" Jane spoke angrily. Something else she'd soon regret. A now terrified dispatch officer spoke on the other end of the phone, giving and address and the information to get to the scene as soon as was possible.

"Shit." Jane muttered, half regretfully, half pissed off. She mumbled and muttered to herself as she moved around her room, pulling a shirt from her closet and locating shoes which had been kicked to the back.

Finally she picked up her now half empty bottle of coke, figuring she could drink it on the way and headed towards her car.

It wasn't until she was halfway out to the car that she remembered it was raining heavily. That, unfortunately, only served to worsen her mood.

* * *

Once her shower was over and done with Maura headed into her room, but to her surprise Addie was sat on her bed.

"Ahhh, take it your meeting went well?" Addie winked suggestively.

Maura paused, confused.

"What would make you think that?" She responded after a minute.

"You were gone the best part of three hours, and then you snuck back in and headed for a shower. All evidence points in a certain direction." Addison's voice was laced with a teasing tone.

A tone that Maura normally loved, it normally made her laugh. But not tonight. Tonight it just served to piss her off more. In all honesty, all she wanted was a couple of hours to herself to work this situation out. To go through everything in her head and try to compartmentalize things and somehow, maybe bring herself back to a place where she could acknowledge Jane and sort their relationship. Not that she expected to be able to do that in a couple of hours, but still, the time to begin would have been nice.

"Yeah, well, I don't want to talk about it." Maura spoke softly but sharply, her attempt to convey that she wanted this conversation over.

"Jeez, she was that bad?" Addie continued, clearly not picking up on the hint.

The suggestion alone made Maura flush. She hadn't really considered sex. Well, she _had _considered it, but not today, not with Jane really. Not with anyone after Tom really.

Maybe that's why she'd felt so strongly about getting out of there earlier? Maura wasn't really sure. And really, she could have used this time to work out the answer to this question, but apparently no one wanted her to have this time. Her phone began buzzing on the side of her drawers where she left it pre-shower.

She glanced over to it, watching as Addie did the same thing. Of course both assumed the same thing.

Jane.

"I'll let you get that then." Addie winked at Maura before heading out again. Maura heard her yelling for Amelia to come and help her with dinner.

Maura sighed, waited a beat and headed over to her phone, expecting Jane's picture to flash up on the screen. She was more than a bit disappointed when the number for dispatch was there.

"Doctor Isles." She responded, her voice noticeably dull.

She received a brief information update about the case and an address before the dispatch officer hung up.

Maura scanned her room, thinking briefly before heading quickly to her closet.

She pulled on the closest work outfit she could before grabbing heels from the other side and rushed towards the bathroom to fix her hair.

* * *

In total it took her 35 minutes to be ready, which she internally congratulated herself on, but she knew she'd have been quicker if she'd spent less time perfecting her makeup and glancing at her phone. She couldn't help it. Her thoughts just didn't leave Jane the whole time she was getting ready.

Finally she headed out into the kitchen where she was met by the sight of Addie chopping potatoes in on the side and Amelia helping out by standing on a stool at Addie's side washing the potatoes. Maura couldn't help but smile at the sight, but it was quickly followed by a pang of guilt for leaving her daughter, (and the thought that the sight would be so much better if Jane stood by her side but Maura would never admit to that.) Amelia must have sensed her presence because within second the little girl was off the stool and wrapped her arms around Maura's legs.

"Mommy!"

Maura leaned down to pick up her daughter before hoisting her onto her hip for hug.

"Hi, baby. Have you been good for Aunt Addison?"

Addie scoffed a little at 'Aunt Addison,' she'd never been too fond of the nickname. She thought 'Aunt' made her sound old.

"Yes!" Mia smiled up at her mother. "So good Aunt Addison got me chocolate."

"She did?!" Maura asked playfully.

"Mia, what did we say about telling Mommy?" Addie spoke to Mia quietly, jokingly.

Mia looked thoughtful for a moment before shrugging and wriggling to get down. Maura put Mia down who quickly ran back to Addie's side and continued washing up.

Maura moved to Addison's side, away from Mia, to speak.

"Addie?" She spoke quietly; she didn't want Mia to have to hear she was headed to a crime scene again.

"Yeah?" Addie responded.

"I have to head out..." Maura trailed off, thinking how to make it look better, since she had asked Addie to look after Mia for the majority of the day and now she was asking Addie to do the same again over night.

Addison unfortunately assumed the wrong thing.

"Oh?" Addison spoke mockingly. "Well if you need to head out, you go for it, take as long as you need." Addie smirked in Maura's direction.

"Addie!" Maura half whined, half laughed. "You've got a one track mind haven't you?" She asked jokingly.

"What?! Don't blame me. Blame the slutty interns at that hospital. They've ruined me; it is a one track mind thing up there!" Addie responded a little too bitchily, but Maura knew that Addie had a soft spot for that hospital and the people in it. Even if she wouldn't admit it.

Maura laughed softly before continuing.

"Anyway, I have to go to a scene. I should be back soon. Hopefully it won't be a bad one, but I'll keep you updated?" Maura hoped Addie would get the hint.

"Oh I see. Not half as fun as what I suggested. Alright then, well, I'll stay here with Mia until you get back, yeah?"

Maura smiled and nodded.

"That sounds great, thanks Addie."

"No problems. Just let me know if you're not going to be back tonight?"

"Will do." Maura nodded her agreement and moved behind Addie to pick up Mia, who squealed when she was picked up from behind.

"Mommy! I was cooking!" Mia spoke seriously once she'd stopped giggling.

Maura looked at Addie, pretending to be ashamed of what she'd done. She moved to place Mia back on her stool before kneeling down too her.

"I am terribly sorry Chef Isles...please forgive me?" Maura continued, watching as the little girl in front of her fought giggles.

"Of course mommy, but I must get back to work. Dinner will never be cooked if I don't." Mia smiled at her mother and moved to turn round before Maura caught her.

"Ah, Mia, I have to go out now..." Maura broached the subject carefully.

"Again?" Mia whined. This was what Maura had been afraid of.

"Yes. I'm sorry baby, work needs me," Mia looked heartbroken. She'd barely seen her mother recently. "But, I'll be back as soon as I can be, and I'll call when I can, and Aunt Addie is going to stay to look after you. How does that sound?"

Mia's face brightened quite a bit at the terms of her mother's leave.

"Okay." Mia agreed.

"Great." Maura smiled before leaning in to give her daughter one last hug before she really had to leave. "Big loves Mia."

"Bigger loves Mommy." Mia responded with a smile before turning around to continue.

Maura smiled at the familiarity. It was something they had started when Mia was very little, when she was just learning to talk, and somehow it had stuck.

"Bye Addie." Maura called as she walked out the kitchen.

"Bye Maur." She heard as she walked through the hall to grab her coat and umbrella.

Eventually Maura stepped out into the rain and headed to her car. Really, all she wanted to do was head back into the house and have a dinner with her daughter and friend. And the thought of seeing Jane at the scene was pushing her even further to not wanting to going in.

Reluctantly she put the key in, turned the engine on and pulled out into the street and headed to the crime scene, grateful that the scene was only a few blocks away, she hoped if it was a pretty simple case she could get back fairly early.

* * *

By the time Jane arrived at the crime scene (having stopped for coffee when she spilled her coke to avoid a cyclist) there were lab techs and uniforms spread across the garden in front of her and she spotted Korsak talking to someone in the doorway of the property.

She pulled into a spot, rushing out of the car. It had already been an hour and 10 minutes since she'd gotten the call.

She dashed past sullen uniforms and plenty of reporters to finally get to the door. That's when she finally saw who Korsak was talking to. Of course it had to be.

"Maura." Jane greeted.

"Jane." Maura responded. They could both hear their own and each other's awkward and unsure tones, but both knew they just had to work through this for now.

Jane turned to address Korsak, who if he'd noticed the odd interaction, didn't say anything.

"So Korsak, is it that bad that you have to pull me in on my last day off?" Jane joked.

"Yeah." Korsak spoke sternly.

"Huh?" Jane shot back, surprised by the change in tone.

"Yeah. It's that bad Jane."

Jane turned to glance at Maura who nodded, and that's when Jane noted Maura's expression was from the scene, not their earlier interaction.

Korsak shifted, allowing Jane to follow Maura into the living room where the main scene was being processed. Korsak followed shortly after. Jane's reaction to the scene did not surprise him. He'd reacted pretty much the same.

Silence echoed through the room as Jane took in the scene in front of her, until she finally spoke.

"Fuck."

* * *

_**A/N - **Now it just wouldn't be One Year if I didn't leave it on a little bit of a cliff hanger would it? but at least this one isn't a relationship-y one. Well, not really. So, Rizzles is progressing now. It will get there, promise. However, I'd love to know what **you **think to how I'm doing this. Too much, too soon? Too little over too long? _

_So, feel free to let me know your opinion on this. And if you fancy it, I'm on tumblr and I do have a habit of chatting about progress in this fic I do post snippets early. I'm annaatorv over there. _

_Alright, thanks for reading guys. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to see all of you (and more of you, hint hint) in chapter 17!:) _


	17. Filler chapter, hold on a sec

This is a filler chapter sol people will be renotified of the actual chapter 17. I will sort the chapters out after everyone's read it.

This is to ensure everyone gets to read the new chapter. enjoy.

-Katie.


	18. Chapter 18

_**I had a couple problems adding this, so yes, it is a new chapter but I didn't leave enough time between deleting my big A/N and updating. I'm updating now half an hour later. hopefully this should update properly. **_

* * *

_**A/N - I don't own anything but plot and Mia. **_

_First off, Holy crap, that gag reel. You guys know the scene I mean...I mean...come on! Plus, the gag reel and a one year update, how good is you day?;) _

_Oh, also, thanks for whoever nominated _

_Alright, thanks so much for the comments and love from my authors note. I'm so sorry I was gone so long, I wish I could have updated. But, now things are starting to get...a little better. And I'm done with my exams. I can't promise better update times, but hopefully never that long again. _

_Okay, I have no beta, but I am a beta myself so hopefully there are few mistakes. But all are my own. I hope you guys enjoy this._

* * *

_Oh, also, thanks for whoever nominated me for a rizzles fanfuc award. One Year is nominated for best AU and Mia for best original character. If you guys fancy voting for me thatd be wonderful. Just google rizzles fanfic awards to find it. Thanks:)_

* * *

Whatever Jane had expected from a crime scene; that was not it. She stepped out onto the front lawn watching through the window as Maura pulled her gloves off by the body. The blonde stepped gracefully through the crowd of morgue techs and uniforms that littered the crime scene. Well, the first of several crime scenes at least.

Jane sighed. This was not how this was meant to go. She rubbed tired eyes and headed to her car, the night, while almost over, was leading into a long day for her and the rest of the team. This was going to be a long case, and everyone knew it.

"7 bodies, 4 children, 3 adults." Maura spoke to no one in particular. "All 4 children under the age of 5, the youngest 8 months old." The ME sighed. This is where her job got difficult. These were the days when she wanted Mia by her side. The days she wanted to curl up with her daughter and protect her from the world.

They had been working on this case for days now, and Maura had barely seen her daughter, 5 minutes here and there between school and the case. Addie had started bringing Mia by the precinct briefly before and after school to see Maura if she wasn't busy, and Maura would visit Mia at home if she was given the chance. However, often it happened that the only chance Maura was given was in the middle of the day when Mia was at school or in the middle of the night when Mia was asleep. It broke Maura's heart to not be able to see her daughter, but phone calls had to make do for now, just until this case was over.

She had already called Addie today, ensuring that Addie was going to watch Mia like a hawk when they went to the park and update Maura every so often. Anyone else would have called Maura crazy, but Addie? Addie got it. Even without children or a proper relationship of her own, Addie always understood Maura's over protectiveness of Mia, always seemed to think it normal.

Maura sat in her office, sighing as leaned her elbows against her desk, today had been going on for far too long in her opinion. While she wanted to be truly focused on this case, everything related back to her personal life. And while she considered pulling out, telling them she couldn't handle this case, she knew she couldn't. She owed it to the families to do this, she owed it to the victims' families to pull herself away from her personal life and focus on catching this killer.

Yet, she couldn't. She'd be thinking along the lines of what next in the autopsy or when to update the detectives upstairs and immediately her thoughts were on Jane again. And of course, every time she thought of Jane, thoughts of Tom and Mia weren't far away, pulling the crushing guilt and fear with them.

She'd always considered that she might feel guilty if she ever found someone else, it was a conversation she and Tom had when Tom was originally told his cancer was fatal and they were out of options. It was a conversation they had many times before his death, frequently leading to arguments, but always leading to the same answer; Maura would find someone else, and it would hurt.

Never did she think it would be this soon, never did she think it would be this complicated, never did she think the hurt would be combined with such torturous guilt, never did she think that it would be this brutal and never, ever did she consider that finding someone else, wanting someone else, needing someone other than Tom, would feel this good when she had them.

"Dr Isles?"

Maura's head snapped up, her thoughts interrupted, the images of Jane stored away for later, her professional mask slipping back into place.

One of the morgue techs stood by the door, an expression on her face that Maura couldn't read, but something told her the tech had witnessed a moment or two of her personal moments. Maura sighed, meeting the morgue techs gaze, nodding for them to continue with whatever they had to say.

"The results of the tests you ordered are in; I thought you might want to see them."

Maura held out her hand, reaching for the folder. She scanned quickly though the results, reading once, twice, a third time before standing. She had to go see the detectives.

* * *

Four hours later and Jane was headed out of the precinct with Korsak and Frost.

The results from the autopsies had shown several fibres, as well as two partial prints. The team had been overwhelmed when the prints had matched two men in the system. It seemed like the case was finally going to be broken and the 'sons of bitches' as Crowe had delightfully put it, would be caught by the end of the day.

Maura had reluctantly returned to her office, kept company only by her thoughts for now. She considered calling Addie, but she knew Addie was taking Mia to the park for a little while. She briefly considered going to join them, but she didn't want to miss Jane coming back with the suspects. Even if she wasn't technically needed for the rest of the day, Maura felt like she needed to be here. She'd been here since the beginning of the case and she wanted to see it through to the end.

Maura had spent time re-organizing in her office, searching through things to do. She'd ordered some tests, finished all the autopsies and gotten as far as she could right now with the paperwork. While she didn't want to admit it, she actually had nothing to do right now. She could go and see her daughter, she should go and see her daughter, she wanted too. But if anything happened she needed to be near the precinct and able to get back quickly.

Reluctantly, Maura sighed and headed up towards the main entrance of the precinct. If she was quick she knew she could get home, shower, get changed, get coffee and arrive back at the precinct in time for Jane and the rest of the detectives bringing the suspects back.

* * *

It had been perfect, a perfect fingerprint match, a perfect arrest, a perfect fit for the crime.

The suspects also had perfect alibis.

Too perfect in Jane's opinion, but that was it. They had alibied out. The two men had been at a club when the murders had happened. Bar owner, club security guards and security tapes had the men at the club the whole time the murders were being committed.

All the relief from earlier, the promises of celebratory drinks, the hopes of an early and hopefully long night of sleep were quickly snatched away from the team.

Some went straight back to work, others went for a coffee, others a work out. All but Jane.

Jane wasn't quite sure how to deal with this situation. She was so sure, she had been so adamant. The whole way to pick up the suspects she had done nothing but talk to the guys about how she was having a day off as soon as the paperwork was done, and tonight she was going to see a friend, ask about drinks.

Really, she planned on going to see Maura and Mia.

Admittedly, Jane missed Mia more than she ever said, especially since things had gotten hectic at work and complicated between her and Maura, Jane never saw Mia anymore. Jane had sent a quick smile in Mia's direction when the little girl was getting on the elevator with a redhead. Jane would never admit she'd been jealous of whoever the redhead had been. Not because they were obviously going to see Maura (No, Jane had laid that jealousy to rest when she'd seen the redhead get pretty friendly and exchange numbers with a uniform in the lobby.) Jane was jealous of the time the redhead got with Mia.

Jane loved chatting with Mia, finding out how school was, discussing Mia's (hopeful) recovery from the nightmares. Jane adored being with the little girl, almost as much as she enjoyed time with Maura.

Jane's plan was as soon as the case was over, she was going to get Maura, take her to coffee and then pick up some wine, pick up Mia and then spend the evening with girls.

Or at least, that had been the plan.

Until this, until the suspects had walked.

Now Jane and the majority of the homicide crew faced another long day, and an even longer night. Jane sighed, running her hand through her hair. She looked over the paper work, going over and over the case in her mind. She thought through the interview, listening to the suspects, their alibis, their stories and answers to everything.

It didn't seem right.

The suspects were sure, their stories too perfect, they knew the questions they were going to ask, the suspects knew exactly where they were and when they left, they didn't flinch when pictures of the bodies were dropped on the table.

No, this just didn't seem right. Jane knew, she just knew these men were guilty. Even if they hadn't outright killed those people, they had done something, they had helped with this and they knew a lot more than they were letting on.

Jane considered going back, seeing if she could question them again, but chances are the men had walked by now. And really, she'd not been able to control her annoyance in the first interview, another one probably wouldn't get her anywhere except kicked out of the interview room.

She sighed again, deciding to go get some coffee from the cafe; she wasn't getting anywhere right now.

* * *

She'd just stepped out of the elevator when she saw Maura, stood getting coffee too. Jane felt her heart rate rise slightly, she was nervous. Of course, if asked, she wouldn't admit to ever being nervous around Maura, but this time? Oh was she nervous.

She didn't know what to say, were they even talking about what had happened? How would they act in the precinct? Were they continuing this? Did Maura want to continue this? Did she?

Jane huffed and resolutely stepped out of the elevator, narrowly avoiding a rushing uniform. She tried to act confident, her Rizzoli swag not quite all there today, as she headed towards the cafe. She spoke to her mother briefly, ordering a coffee and promising a chat later on, now she was on a mission.

Maura stood by the exit, silently stirring sugar into her coffee, her attention clearly on something else since she'd been stirring the coffee for a good while now.

Jane sidestepped seemingly oblivious customers, her eyes trained on Maura. Finally, she stood beside Maura, breathing deeply Jane fought the urge to run.

"Hey Maur." What should have sounded casual sounded forced, Jane cringed.

Maura's head snapped up from her coffee, her thoughts stored away for later.

"Oh," Maura's eye immediately brightened upon meeting Jane's, "Hi Jane." Maura placed the lid back on her coffee, changing her stance as though she were preparing to leave.

Jane noticed and realized it was now or never.

"Can we talk?" Jane knew her palms were sweaty, she could feel them getting clammier. She felt herself hold her breath, waiting on Maura's reply.

"Uhm, sure." Maura agreed after a moment.

Jane sighed, in relief this time.

The pair made to leave before Angela called Jane back.

"Janie!" Angela called over the noise in the cafe.

Jane shot an irritated glare at her mother.

"Coffee!" Angela reminded.

Jane sighed, looking apologetically at Maura, who in turn smiled softly.

"Go get your coffee Jane, I'll head downstairs."

Maura must've noticed the panic that rose in Jane when she said that.

"We can talk when you've got your coffee, Jane." Maura continued, watching as the panic cleared from Jane's face.

"Oh, okay." Jane felt a little silly now. She smiled softly as she watched Maura walk away.

Jane turned, walking back towards her mother.

"Alright Ma, hand over my coffee." Jane spoke loudly to be heard over the very enthusiastic conversation being held by two uniforms to her right.

"In a minute Janie, how's the case going?"

Jane sighed. She knew this couldn't just be coffee with her mother. Of course she wanted to discuss something.

* * *

Maura never even realized her phone was gone. She never noticed that she'd left in her office the whole time she'd been upstairs.

Really, she should have checked, she should have made sure she had it with her.

Being a mother she normally made sure it was with her wherever she went, she made sure Mia had a way to contact her, or if someone needed her about Mia, she always had her phone.

Rarely had it rung after Tom.

Really, she should have checked her phone upon entering her office. Really, she should have at least checked for missed calls or voice mails. But no, Maura was far too preoccupied with thoughts of Jane. Too busy thinking about how the conversation with Jane was going to go, far too concerned about how badly this could go.

If she'd have been thinking straight, she'd have made sure she was reachable.

Because that way, when the elevator doors opened, there would not be a frustrated Jane or a rush of red hair flying towards her.

Because if she'd have checked her phone, she wouldn't have Jane staring daggers at her best friend, who on her rush to get into the precinct had knocked Jane's coffee and spilt it on Jane.

Because if she'd had her phone, and seen the calls from Addison she'd be less surprised by Addison's sudden appearance in her office.

Because if Maura had answered her phone, she'd be a whole lot less floored when Addison spoke.

And ultimately, when Addison finally said those few words, Maura might have actually been able to do something, because now when Addison finally spoke, there was nothing she could.

"Maura, Mia's missing..."

* * *

_**A/N -**Oh god, please don't kill me! I promise i won't leave it as long. And honestly, would it be One Year without a cliff hanger?;) _

_Alright guys, if you've not died of feels between this and the gag reel, let me know what you thought? How am I doing? Have I lost my touch with this story? _

_Love it or hate it, let me know? Thanks for reading guys, and I hope to see you all (and maybe some new people hint, hint) in chapter 18. _

_Oh, and feel from to come find me on tumblr - sashaalexanderr _


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